Another day and same routine. Morning coffee, breakfast with Eva, playing with Eva and so on. I remember last night being on the phone with Ryujin Normally I prefer guys with deeper voices but he's different. How my name sounded when he said it. I really liked it
I check my phone and no message from him. I wonder why he didn't message me. He usually greets me a good morning. I decide to go grocery shopping today to keep myself distracted. I constantly check my phone to hopefully see a message from him but still nothing.
It's now afternoon, I'm putting the milk into their containers when my I hear my phone go off. I accidentally squeeze the bag of milk and spill it all over the counter.
hard_carryy0: Good afternoon. I'm sorry I'm messaging you late today. I had no work so slept in lol
kitty_purrfect: it's okay. Why no work?
hard_carryy0: I requested today off for like a mental health day. How's your day so far?
kitty_purrfect: it was ehh. Went to the groceries, played with Eva and was kind of waiting for your message.
hard_carryy0: You could have message me too lol you didn't have to wait for me.
kitty_purrfect: I didn't want to seem needy.
hard_carryy: So me messaging you first makes me seem needy?
kitty_purrfect: no. Not what I meant. My boyfriend usually tells me I'm too needy so I don't want to appear like that to you
hard_carryy0: The more I learn about your boyfriend, the more I think he's kind of an asshole.
kitty_purrfect: he's not always bad.
kitty_purrfect: he provides for her. Makes sure she has food and clothes. He doesn't like changing diapers or feesting her It's too messy for him.
hard_carryy0: What? I stand corrected. He is an asshole
I smile at my phone once again. Why does my heart flutter whenever he shows he cares. I don't even know if I can consider that as him caring for me Dana always ignores me so it's nice to have someone on my side
kitty_purrfect: We make dues. Whats your plan on your day off then?
hard_carryy0: Probably play league all day fol
kitty_purrfect: league of legends?
hard_carryy0: Yes ma'am. Do you play?
kitty_purrfect: Yes. Support main. It's sometimes Dana and I's date night is playing league.
hard_carryy0: Nice. I don't have a main but I don't like being jungle. Especially playing with people I don't know. But with my friends, I mainly top or mid.
kitty_purrfect. Maybe we could play together sometime?
hard_carryy0: Yes. Let me know when you're free because you know you have a kid and all lol
kitty_purrfect: What else do you do for fun?
hard_carryy0: Spend time with my nephew, annoying my sisters, play games, play sports and hunt. That's about it hbu
kitty_purrfect: You hunt? And just play games if I have time.
hard_carryy0: Yes. I mainly hunt deer because venison steak and deer jerky is the best lol
kitty_purrfect: I feel like you're exactly my type haha
Another what the fuck moment for me. I keep exposing myself to this guy and I have a boyfriend. But he sounds too perfect
hard_carryy: Hey now, if I didn't know better you might be flirting with me fol I'm kidding I know you have a boyfriend
kitty_purrfect: Would you still talk to me when you get a girlfriend?
hard_carryy: Yea. I'll talk to you as long as you want me to. I enjoy talking to you. I'd like to talk to you more on the phone if possible. I really like your voice.
My face feels hot all of a sudden. I touch my cheeks and they feel warm
"What's wrong with you? Why are you smiling at your phone?" Dana walks in.
"I just read something funny. How was work?" I ask changing the subject.
"The same. But we're going to my parents tomorrow by the way. They want to see Eva' he says before going to the bedroom.
I sigh and can't help but feel sad. Dana sometimes acts like I'm not his girlfriend. He's only really sweet if he wants sex. Even then his version of being sweet is just groping my ass.
I take Eva with me and follow Dana to the bedroom. I put down Eva in the playpen.
"Dana, do you still love me?" I ask.
"What kind of a question is that?" He looks at me like I'm being stupid
" Sometimes I feel like you don't. You don't seem to make an effort anymore" I say
"Yej. We've been together for so long. We have a child together. Our relationship is not gonna be like a teenage romance. We have responsibilities. Why are you acting like this?" He ask
"Just because we have a kid. It doesn't mean we shouldn't have a spark" I say slightly annoyed.
"Do you know how ridiculous you sound right now? Do you think you're still in high school? Get your head out of your ass and face reality he snaps at me".
I can feel myself about to cry "Watch Eva for a little bit please."
I leave without waiting for a response. I go to the bathroom and lock myself in there to cry. I do this whenever Dana and I fight. I feel like he doesn't listen when I share my feelings.
I don't know why but I have the urge to call Ryujin so I reach for my phone in my pocket to call him. It rings a few times before he answers.
"Hello?" He says sounding confused.
I didn't say anything but I was sobbing and breathing really hard.
"Yeji? Are you okay? Are you crying? What happened?" He ask.
I then hear noises in the background. Sounds like he's playing a game and his friends are yelling at him.
"Guys and Savannah. I have to go. We will play again later.... Ryujin you dick! Babe don't gol" I hear Ryujin and other people say.
Babe? I thought he didn't have a girlfriend. Why do I feel even more sad now? Should I hang up? I cry even harder.
"Yeji, what happened? Why are you crying?" He ask pulling me out of my head
"Dana and I had a fight. And I just felt like calling you. I'm sorry for disturbing your game" I sob.
"It's okay. They'll survive. You're more important. You're crying. What did you two fight about if you don't mind me asking?" He ask in such a sweet tone.
I'm now debating whether I should share it with him or not. We're technically still strangers
Fuck it."I asked if he still loves me and he pretty much said I'm being stupid for asking that since we have a kid together" I say kind of afraid of how he's going to react.
"He's stupid. How hard is it to reassure the person you love that you still love them? He's not worth crying over Yeji. It must hurt because you love him and he's not showing you the same appreciation" he says.
Do I love Dana still? Why am I crying? I don't even know if I still love Dana. I'm comfortable with him but maybe that's it.