Even when my thoughts of returning made my chest ache.
"You're not trying hard enough," and, "Why can't you be more like your Sister ?" My achievements, no matter how hard-earned, were buried beneath their expectations, unseen and uncelebrated.
It wasn't just my parents—it was mostly everyone. Dinners at my grandparents' home turned into comparison contests when Jia and Devon were not here, and my name was rarely ever in the running.
Hours passed, the sun now high in the sky. The road stretched endlessly ahead as I began the slow journey back. It was easier to think now, in the daylight, but the pain lingered, like a passenger I couldn't shake. Every mile brought me closer to the people who couldn't see me for who I was, who saw only what I wasn't.
As the car sputtered unexpectedly, the fuel gauge dancing dangerously close to empty. I cursed under my breath. I hadn't been paying attention, too lost in my thoughts.
The nearest gas station was miles back, and I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing but fields stretching on either side of the road. Panic began to creep in, but I forced myself to think logically.
The highway wasn't completely deserted; I saw a car pass by now and then.
I grabbed my phone and saw it was at 12%. Of course, it was. A low battery warning, stranded on an empty road—could things get any worse? I debated calling Baihe.
She'd show up in a heartbeat, no questions asked. But something stubborn inside me resisted. I needed to handle this on my own. Flagging down a passing car seemed like the only option.
Minutes felt like hours as I waited, sitting on the hood of the car and staring into the shimmering heat on the horizon. Finally, a beat-up pickup truck slowed to a stop. The driver, an older man with kind eyes and a weathered face, rolled down his window.
"Need some help, miss?"
I hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Ran out of gas. I think the nearest station's a ways back."
He offered to give me a lift, and though my instincts screamed caution, I didn't have much of a choice. The ride was awkward but uneventful, the man's small talk bouncing off my walls of worry.
At the gas station, I filled a small red canister, thanked him as profusely as I could manage, and made my way back to the car.
By the time I was back on the road, the sun was dipping low, casting everything in gold. The delay had cost me hours, but I felt a flicker of pride—I'd handled it. Maybe I wasn't as helpless as I felt.
My phone buzzed in the cupholder again. Baihe's name lit up the screen—another missed call, another message. She wasn't giving up, was she? I sighed, glancing at the battery percentage.
7%. Just great.
As if being stuck in this mess of emotions wasn't enough, my phone decided to become my own ticking time bomb.
I knew why Baihe was persistent. My grandparents were probably looking for me by now.
But my parents? That thought brought a bitter taste to my mouth. Would they care enough to notice I wasn't there? Would they look for me the way Grandma and Grandpa did, even when they are far away? I doubted it.
They were too wrapped up in their own lives, too distracted by their separate paths and distant lives to think about their second daughter.
Suddenly, a flash of movement. Two glowing eyes. My heart jumped as I slammed on the brakes, the car lurching forward before screeching to a halt. A Red deer darted across the road, its sleek form vanishing into the trees before I could catch my breath. My hands gripped the wheel so tightly my fingers ached.
The adrenaline coursing through me brought an unsettling clarity: I wasn't just on a physical journey—I was unraveling. Everything, all at once.
The phone buzzed yet again. A message from Baihe this time: Where are you? Your Grandparents are asking if you are staying at my place. Do contact me, I know you are reading this.
Against my better judgment, I picked up, my hand trembling slightly as I hit the call button instead of texting back.
It only rang once. "Taryn?" Baihe's voice was a mix of relief and frustration. "Finally. Where are you? Are you okay? Your grandmother has been trying to reach you and asked me if you are staying here at my place. Should I go with a lie? Or you tell them the truth since you would be guilty if I do the lying for you?"
"I'm fine," I said, my voice sharper than I intended. "I'm on my way back. Ran out of gas earlier, but it's fine. I handled it."
There was a pause. "You should've informed me," she said finally, her tone accusatory but not unkind. "Do you have any idea how challenging it is to make an excuse and lie? You have a lot of explaining to do when we—"
I cut in, "Yeah, I still hope that they could pretend I didn't exist for the last seventeen years."
Baihe let out a sigh on the other end of the line, but I couldn't hear her anymore. The memories, the hurt—they were all too loud. I ended the call before she could say anything else.
I glanced at the phone battery bar; the screen was dark now that the battery had finally died. Tossing the phone onto the passenger seat, where it landed with a dull thud.
As I turned onto the familiar road leading to my grandparents' house, my earlier emotions—anger, hurt, frustration—had pushed me forward, but now they began to wane, leaving some room for clarity.
For a while, it was just me and the quiet hum of the engine. I slowed my speed even more, watching every corner, every turn, with cautious eyes.
The thought of a police car patrolling the area still sent a shiver down my spine. I wasn't sure I could handle that right now—a confrontation, an interrogation, the consequences. But I reminded myself that I hadn't been caught, that I still had the chance to get home safely and reflect on my choices.
A small voice inside urged me to think ahead, to let this moment shape me into someone stronger.