"Well? Was that cruel enough for you?"
Naruto smirked, arms crossed, staring down at Kankuro, who lay sprawled on the ground like a squashed cockroach.
For a guy as arrogant as this, a slap wasn't enough. True humiliation was the way to go.
[Kankuro's Anger Value +99]
"You bastard!! You really wanna die?!"
Kankuro shot up, face burning red with rage. He yanked at the cloth package on his back, ready to unleash his puppet Crow and throw hands—or, well, puppets.
This time, he wasn't just angry.
He was ready to commit war crimes.
And then—
"Stop, Kankuro."
A voice as cold as an ex's text message cut through the street.
A red-haired boy dropped down from a nearby tree. He carried an enormous gourd on his back, his expression as blank as a shinobi on Monday morning.
On his forehead, the kanji for "Love" was tattooed, though nothing about him seemed remotely loving.
Kankuro stiffened.
"G-Gaara!"
Instantly, his anger deflated like a popped balloon.
Even Temari, who had been laughing two seconds ago, immediately switched to business mode, standing straight like a soldier in front of a drill sergeant.
Gaara strolled forward, his eerie teal eyes shifting between Naruto and Sasuke like he was deciding which one to murder first.
Then he locked eyes with Sasuke.
"The Sharingan of the Uchiha clan..." he murmured before turning to Naruto. "And you… the one who used shadow clones just now."
A heavy silence followed.
Then Gaara nodded.
"Good. I hope to see you both in the Chunin Exam arena."
And with that, he spun around and walked off.
"Kankuro. Temari. We're leaving."
Kankuro hesitated for exactly one second—then scrambled after him like a scared puppy.
After they left, Sasuke exhaled.
"Naruto. Did you feel that killing intent?"
"Ah~ Yeah, of course," Naruto replied, stretching lazily.
He knew Gaara was certifiably insane.
Like Naruto, he was a Jinchuriki. But unlike Naruto, Gaara had turned into a literal horror movie villain.
He got his kicks from watching people die in fear.
Honestly? Naruto had no plans to "talk-no-jutsu" his way out of this one.
If Gaara ever came at him, Naruto wouldn't mind sending him straight into the afterlife—no respawns.
"Anyway, I'm heading home. You guys should hurry back too."
He waved and turned to leave.
But after just two steps—
"Wait, big bro!"
Naruto turned to find Konohamaru standing there, grinning like a little gremlin.
His front tooth was still half-missing, making him look even more ridiculous.
"Teach me that super powerful move you used just now!"
Naruto blinked. "Super powerful move? You mean Shadow Clone Jutsu?"
"No! The Millennium Kill!!"
Konohamaru clasped his hands together, forming the dreaded finger gun stance.
Naruto's soul left his body.
From behind, a small girl with pigtails stormed over, pure rage on her face.
"KONOHAMARU, YOU ABSOLUTE MORON!!"
BONK!
She smacked him on the head so hard that even Naruto winced.
Then she grabbed him by the collar and dragged him away like a misbehaving cat.
"We are not learning that pervy move!!"
"B-But—!"
"NO BUTS!!"
As Konohamaru was dragged off kicking and screaming, Naruto burst out laughing.
"Man, these kids are wild."
With a shake of his head, he continued toward his apartment.
The Village Is Full of Weirdos
Konoha's streets were packed.
Ninjas from all over the world roamed about, their forehead protectors displaying different symbols—Hidden Mist, Hidden Rock, Hidden Cloud…
It was like an Anime Convention but with more weapons and fewer cosplayers.
Most moved in groups of four—one older, grizzled leader leading three clueless Genin who still believed they'd "become Hokage" someday.
Some still had dirt on their faces from traveling, while others walked around casually, sipping dango like they owned the place.
Naruto ignored them all.
Until—
He spotted a familiar figure pacing anxiously near the trees.
A girl in a lavender kimono.
Short dark hair.
Nervous energy radiating off her like a malfunctioning toaster.
"Hinata?"
Naruto called from a distance.
Hinata whipped around like she'd just been caught stealing cookies.
Her lavender eyes widened.
Then—
"Naruto-kun!!"
She sprinted toward him at full speed.
"I heard you were back, so I came looking for you," she stammered, fingers nervously fidgeting.
Naruto scratched his head. "Ah? How long have you been waiting?"
Hinata blushed. "...Not long… just… three hours."
Naruto almost choked. "Three HOURS?! Are you serious?!"
Hinata turned bright red. "I-It's not that long…"
Naruto groaned.
Then—before she could react—he pulled her into a hug.
Hinata's entire body froze.
For a second, it seemed like her brain blue-screened.
Then her face turned so red it might explode.
"Na-Naruto-kun…! P-People might see us…!"
She weakly tried to escape.
Naruto didn't let go.
"Let them see. I don't care."
After a long pause, he finally released her.
Hinata looked like she was about to pass out.
"Y-You're so bold…" she mumbled.
Naruto just grinned.
Life was good.
Root Headquarters – Where All the Fun People Are
Deep underground, hidden in a top-secret chamber, a very old war criminal stood.
Shimura Danzo gripped his cane, staring blankly ahead.
A masked Root ninja walked in and bowed.
"Danzo-sama. The guest has arrived."
Danzo slowly opened his one good eye.
"Let him in."
With a click, a hidden door rumbled open.
Two figures stepped inside.
One was a masked Root ninja.
The other…
A pale, snake-like creature in a gray kimono, licking their lips with a disturbingly long tongue.
They had the insignia of Hidden Sound Village on their forehead.
Danzo didn't even blink.
"Orochimaru."
Orochimaru chuckled. "Danzo-sama~"
He slithered closer, his creepy golden eyes flickering toward Danzo's right arm.
"How's the Sharingan transplant working out?"
Danzo remained silent.
Orochimaru grinned.
"Ah… what a beautiful experiment~"
For a moment, he looked like a child admiring their science project.
In truth? Orochimaru had once considered implanting Sharingan into himself.
But then he thought—
"Why settle for stolen eyeballs, when I can just hijack an entire body?"
With "Living Corpse Reincarnation," I'll never die.
His smile widened.
(End of Chapter)