Once the suspicion about Seon-ah began, terrifying images flooded my mind relentlessly.
Seon-ah, pinned beneath another girl, moaning in pleasure. Calling out that girl's name over and over, holding hands, kissing deeply with the same lips that once kissed me—kissing a stranger I didn't know. The girl taking Seon-ah's first time, still craving more, whispering love as their bodies pressed together. Seon-ah calling out to this nameless girl, spending the night with her as if I were nothing—an agonizing scenario that tore at my insides.
Crunch. My teeth ground together, and the taste of blood filled my mouth. I must have bitten my lip while clenching my jaw without realizing it.
Back in elementary school, I'd watched Seon-ah reject confessions from others, saying he liked someone else, and I'd firmly believed that someone was me. Now, the thought that it might be another girl filled me with unbearable frustration and pain.
To banish the torment, Yurin turned to self-comfort. The explicit videos from her cousin filled a 4-terabyte drive—over 120 files ranging from a few hundred megabytes to several gigabytes, some in low quality, others not. But no matter which one she watched, Seon-ah's image overlapped with the male actors. The men pinned beneath women, whimpering and crying out in pleasure, morphed into Seon-ah in her mind. Every video brought his face to the forefront.
The last video she watched showed a man pinned under a woman, groaning, "It has to be this hole!" with a submissive expression, eagerly licking the mess he'd made as if it were delicious. Each time Yurin watched, her deep-seated anxiety and rage twisted her stomach. That final video pushed her over the edge—she punched the monitor in a fit of fury. Even as the screen shattered, the speakers continued blaring the sounds of the couple's moans. Kicking the computer tower didn't erase the knot in her heart either.
Self-pleasure as a means of comfort was a lie that no longer worked. Only after all that pain did the thought settle in Yurin's mind: Seon-ah had been taken by another girl.
"Seon-ah is mine. I won't let some other girl have him." It was just porn, but to Yurin—whose mind overlaid every man with Seon-ah—it was a chaotic mess of jealousy, rage, and an honest desire for someone now tangled with a faceless, nameless rival. The only way to resolve this craving, as her cousin had suggested, was to claim Seon-ah, dominate him, and make him exclusively hers. That dark, obsessive desire began to consume Yurin's heart.
In his past life, Seon-ah had no aversion to sex or self-pleasure, but in this life, it was different. Not only was his organ larger, but even a slightly firm touch brought such overwhelming pleasure he felt he might lose consciousness. The sensitivity, the reactions, the intensity—it was nothing like his past body. He finally understood why the men of this world had little libido and avoided sex: their bodies were simply too sensitive.
Seon-ah had tried masturbating once. Most explicit videos for women focused on close-ups of men, which he didn't enjoy, though he occasionally found ones made for men or featuring just women. Even a light rub, like in his past life, sent shivers of multiplied pleasure through him, leaving him trembling and frozen. Back then, he thought it was just his body's inexperience. But he was wrong.
He realized why men here shunned sex and why women had stronger desires—it was all due to this unbearable sensitivity. When he kept going, rubbing himself to climax, the peak of pleasure turned his mind white, then black. He fainted. For most men in this world, one release was the end, and the pleasure was several times greater than in his past life, reminiscent of how women's ecstasy was described there. Sex in this state would be maddeningly intense—he'd lose his mind.
He'd collected videos to understand this world's women, assuming they were exaggerated. But experiencing it himself proved they weren't fake. If he slept with a woman like this, he'd not only pass out but might even face the "male corruption" depicted in this world's adult content. When he first reincarnated and realized the gender reversal, he'd briefly fantasized about playing around with women. Now, that seemed insane. No wonder men here died from gang assaults—it made sense.
This realization made the abductions by magical creatures from the Gates even more terrifying. "If that glowing orb gets its way and I'm dragged off by those creatures, I'll die from overstimulation for sure." It was a hard-earned lesson from his post-climax clarity.
After fainting from self-pleasure, Seon-ah decided he needed to regulate his physical intimacy with Yurin. He'd delay sex by limiting Yurin's sexual knowledge as much as possible—for his own body's sake, it was unavoidable. Yurin seemed to think Seon-ah was jealous of her naughty items, especially since he got rid of them despite their physical closeness. It was embarrassing, but letting Yurin misunderstand worked in his favor. Going all the way would lead to disaster with this sensitive body—he wasn't ready yet.
But just days after their deep kiss, Yurin demanded sex. Unlike before, when she only knew kisses, Yurin suddenly asked for more intense things. To Seon-ah, Yurin had been a naive kid who only knew kissing, but something had clearly awakened her to more—sex, deep kissing, the works. She must have learned about proper intercourse, not just the casual overlapping of bodies. It was inevitable they'd get there someday, but Yurin's sudden demands felt pressuring.
Seon-ah diffused it with a deep kiss, but Yurin's ignited desire would undoubtedly keep pushing for sex. In his past life, no man disliked sex. But here, with pleasure so intense it could knock you out from just self-pleasure, and facing a woman whose years of pent-up longing rivaled a teenage boy's from his past life? Seon-ah figured he might die of shock mid-act—or worse, be ravaged to death. He wasn't a masochist, and enduring such overwhelming pleasure required serious resolve.
He needed to train himself to handle it alone and mentally prepare. Self-pleasure and mutual sex were worlds apart. Unable to accept Yurin's demands outright, he tried satisfying her with deep kisses—a grave mistake. Yurin's distorted desires, far beyond what Seon-ah imagined, would soon make him realize all his planning was futile.