Belle did not know how long they had been traveling for, but throughout the tiresome journey, her husband held her hand in his and did not stop for a moment, moving his fingers against the back of her hand. He did not say a word again after he told her about the others already on their way to Nightbrook. She made sure not to move so much, as any little movement made her body graze against his beside her. If only he would release her hand and move away from her space, because all her senses were limited to his presence.
She could smell his spicy, exotic scent that reminded her of a scented wood her father liked to burn in his chamber, mixed with smoky lemon. She would have liked the scent if it weren't coming from him. She did not want to like anything that has to do with him. And then there was his soft breathing and the feel of his warm fingers—everything made the ride seem more treacherous than it ought to be.
She had never traveled on a long journey, and she knew this was a very long one—one that was said a speeding horse could get there fast enough in four days, not to mention a carriage. She was uncomfortable and unable to relax, and she did not think anyone in her position would relax this easily.
Belle had spent the days leading up to this wedding unable to sleep or eat properly. She had lived in dread and fear every second of the day and hour. If she wasn't being coached by the instructor the human king had sent to the Dawson household to teach her about the ways of the bloodsuckers and how to study them without being caught, she would be swamped with guests who came to pity her and mourn with her as she was getting married into the land of the undead, where they said the sun never rose in that part of the land. With everything, she was exhausted.
Now, however, she could not rest, as she believed that the moment she closed her eyes, the vampire next to her might do something bad to her. Even though she trusted his words about not hurting her, she did not trust that he wouldn't try something when she closed her eyes. Vampires had many ways to get what they wanted from a human—they could compel and hypnotize you. She did not want to let her guard down for that.
They were still in Aragonia and had not yet crossed the border, and her veil was already making her more uncomfortable. She shifted in her seat a few times and muttered an apology to the seemingly resting man beside her whenever her knee bumped against his, which was so close to hers.
She missed the comfort of her chamber and the beautiful voice of Jamie already. And though Jamie had held her hands a few times, he had never made her feel the way she was feeling now, and she knew the feeling in her stomach must have come from fear, even though she tried not to be afraid of him. She felt him shift in his seat, and her body instinctively pushed back in an attempt to avoid him. But he had not shifted to touch her—he had moved to make room for her knees or his. She did not dare look his way when she felt him stiffen at her impulsive action of flinching.
She had not thought of it, but the ride must be killing him just as much as it was for her. She was used to riding in carriages from the beginning, but he wasn't. He was a creature who did not need mortal means to journey and could use his mere strength and speed to reach his destination. But because of her safety, as he said, he had ridden with her instead of going with his people. She felt him release her hand, and the absence of the warmth made her feel empty.
Mustering up her courage, she turned her head in his direction but instantly regretted it. He was staring at her so intensely that she felt a cold sweat run down the back of her neck and spine. He looked displeased and… angry? Or was it hurt in some way? Whatever it was, she did not want to see his rage.
Vampires were known to be savage when angered, and though he did not have red eyes, she did not want to see him bare his fangs at her, as she did not trust she would survive the fear of it. Swallowing hard and bringing her hands to rest on her lap, where she clenched them together, she bowed her head.
"I...I am sorry, my Lord..." she apologized, though not certain why, but she knew he looked displeased because of how she flinched when he'd told her not to. She tightened her hands together when he did not speak for a great long minute, but his gaze remained steadfast on her. Was he thinking of how to punish her? Had she upset him that much by flinching?
Belle, who was contemplating looking up to meet his eyes, was startled when he suddenly touched the top of her head with his hand, his palm flat and his fingers spread out on it. And for a moment, she held her breath, thinking he would wring her neck. But instead, he caressed her head gently.
"Why are you apologizing, Isa?" he asked, his voice thick and husky, like that of a man who had just woken up from sleep. The sound of his voice and the way he had called her by the nickname only Jamie used made her look up at him in surprise. He was no longer scowling down at her—his face was expressionless, and his head was tilted sideways, staring intensely into her veiled face.
How did he even know her name when it had not been given to him? When the marriage was set, they had only mentioned the beautiful daughter of the Dawson household—no name had been given, which was why it had been easy for her to take her sister's place. Only, he and his people might be disappointed when they saw her face. Perhaps he had seen her name on the marriage register and assumed he could call her that.
Isa. The name was only for Jamie to use and not him. She was tempted to tell him that but bit down on her tongue and nervously parted her lips to reply. "I...I apologized for upsetting you, my Lord," she said. Then, wetting her lips, she added, "You could always leave and let the coachman take me to Nightbrook." She said that for his own good and for her own comfort and peace, as she realized he was not comfortable in the carriage. And if she was this tired a quarter of the way through the journey, she could not imagine how he felt, with his long legs barely fitting in the front space.
She felt the atmosphere in the carriage change all of a sudden, and it suddenly felt like the air of winter had descended into the carriage, seeping into her bones and making her shiver involuntarily. It was when she looked up that she realized it was coming from the man beside her. His expression had hardened into steel.
"You don't want me in your space. Is it because I'm a madman? Do you not trust the word of a madman when he swears not to hurt you?" His voice was dark and utterly inhuman. It had a strange tone to it that made her fear him for real this time. But then, the way he had said the words with so much bitterness made her shake her head before she could stop herself.
"I do not hate your presence." It was true—his presence gave her a sense of security, especially since she had always feared the borders due to the rumors and her firsthand experience of being attacked by savage vampires.
It wasn't his presence that troubled her; it was the feeling of being a burden or an inconvenience to others. She had always tried to ease her family's burdens by taking on tasks never expected of a lady in the household. At her age, unmarried, her parents never failed to make her feel like her presence in their home was a huge burden on their shoulders. She should have been in her own house, with her husband and her own family.
Though her mother never said the words outright, she would look at her and say, "If only you were attractive enough to marry a well-to-do man, we wouldn't have to worry about the expenses of buying you dresses along with your sister every season. You are draining your father's pocket—money that should be used for other expenses."
Their family did not lack money, but she always felt guilty when they said things like that. To prove she was earning her keep, she worked tirelessly, taking charge of overseeing the household so they wouldn't need to hire a butler.
Growing up in a home where love and attention had to be earned, she had never been considered by anyone, expect Jamie. And now, whenever someone did something for her without her having done or given anything to deserve it, it left her feeling uneasy.
Why would he travel with her in a carriage when he could travel with his vampire abilities? She had not done anything for him to give her that privilege of security, and so it made her uncomfortable to be in the carriage with him, especially knowing how the rumors said he could not control his thirst around any human. Why would he put himself to such discomfort when he did not even know or want this marriage himself?
"I just thought you would like to travel like the others. I do not hate you being here, my Lord," she assured in a quiet voice and looked down at her lap. When she heard him let out a sigh, Belle looked up to see his hard expression had relaxed, and he was staring at her with a blank expression. When he reached out his hands to her, she willed herself not to flinch or move back from him.
She sat still but held her breath and closed her eyes. Instead of all the fearsome things her stupid mind was conjuring up that he might do to her, his hands went behind her head and loosened the pins of her veil. It draped down slowly to her lap and gathered in a heap. She inhaled sharply, as she had not expected him to reveal her face before they reached Nightbrook.