There was pitch darkness and an eerie silence all around me. Someone was holding my hand and taking me somewhere—I didn't know where. I was both conscious and not, quietly going along without resistance. After quite a long journey, I saw a faint flickering light in the distance, as if someone was calling me from across it, though the voice was unclear. The person who had brought me there suddenly let go of my hand and handed me over to that light. And I drifted into it, as if floating through the air.
What kind of dream is this? So peaceful—as if, after years of wandering, I've finally come home.
Then suddenly, a sharp pain surged through me and I cried out, as if I had taken my first breath. An intense heat, like the scorching sun. My whole body was bound; I couldn't move even an inch. My eyes and mouth were also tied. I tried to get up, moved my hands and feet—nothing worked. That's when I sensed someone moving nearby. I panicked. Someone was chanting—some kind of incantations I couldn't understand. Where am I? What is happening?
This went on for a while. I heard many footsteps around me, but no one touched me, and I kept writhing in pain until slowly, I began to lose consciousness. Am I dreaming within a dream? What is going on?
Drip. Drip. Drip. Water droplets were falling on my head, striking my forehead directly. Moisture spread all around me. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached. When I slowly opened my burning eyes, I saw a strange vessel hanging above me, dripping water steadily onto my forehead. What is this?
I tried to shake my head to dodge the droplets. As I sat up, my blurred vision began to adjust to the environment, and I started to see clearly. I found myself sitting on a rocky floor, wrapped in a cloth resembling a cotton sari. Where is this place? There was dim light all around; a small lamp burned a short distance away. My whole body was covered in something oily and sticky.
What kind of dream is this? Why does everything feel so real? The rocky ground, the dripping water—this is the most vivid dream I've ever had. Just as I was thinking this, I felt the presence of someone behind me. When I turned around, I saw an old man standing there, looking at me with calm but piercing eyes. I was ready to fight—usually in my dreams, I'm running, fighting, or scared. That's what's bound to happen here too. I'll struggle, get exhausted, and eventually wake up.
He didn't speak. Quietly, he began circling around me, chanting something under his breath. Then, maintaining some distance, he placed a small clay bowl in front of me filled with a red liquid. After placing it, he stepped back and stood silently in a corner, watching me.
I looked at him, confused. Am I being sacrificed in my dream? What does he want? Then I looked closely at his clothing. His build was strong, but what was that on his head—was that a skull? Oh my god, it is a skull! He wore a white dhoti below and a black shawl above. His long hair was tied up high, a mark on his forehead, a powerful expression on his face, and a Rudraksha mala around his neck.
I now noticed that a boundary had been drawn around me using rice flour and turmeric paste. Such a detailed dream? After a long time of us staring at each other, he slowly moved closer. I stepped back in fear, but he did not cross the boundary. Kneeling right outside it, he bowed to me and then pushed the clay bowl toward me. I refused to drink. Just because it's a dream doesn't mean I don't have dignity. When I didn't move, he spoke something I somehow understood. I don't know how, but I could comprehend it.
He apologized for summoning my soul here and asked me to drink the liquid as compensation. When will this dream end? What era is this—some ancient tribal time? What would Sigmund Freud say about this? Sure, I have some suppressed wild desires, but interpreting them this way in a dream? I couldn't digest that anymore.
When he saw that I wasn't touching the bowl, he took it away. Then, from somewhere, he brought out a dead deer and placed it in front of me as if it were an offering. Just the sight of it made me gag, and I threw up—though nothing came out, since this was a dream. He quickly removed the deer and disappeared.
I didn't want to stay there even a moment longer. Could I explore this dream? Could I escape from it?
I tried to stand up with great difficulty, but the whole world spun before my eyes. My legs had no strength, and I fell back down with a groan. The man returned the same way he had gone. Seeing me struggling on the ground, he said, "The path from death to life is difficult. It will take some time. Don't worry—you'll fully recover."
I thought—if this is my dream and the tantrik can talk, why can't I? I tried to speak, but no sound came out. Tried again—nothing. He watched me struggle in silence. Then suddenly, he crossed the boundary and stood beside me.
He knelt in front of me, placed one elbow on his knee, and with trembling hands lifted my face, brushing hair away from my eyes and staring deeply into them. I shut my eyes in fear and turned my face away.
Suddenly, he burst into laughter—"Whom have I summoned? A smile spread across his lips. A kitten instead of a tigress… Ha ha ha, this is good, very good. I had only promised to breathe life into this body. Whose soul would come—there was no agreement on that. I fulfilled my task. I didn't force you. I merely showed this body's owner the path back from the realm of death. How did you come? What entity are you? But now, what's the point? Let it go…"
And he laughed again. "Impressive… I must say, impressive. In the end, you managed to escape…" His mocking laughter echoed in my ears.
He let go of my face, stood up, and walked away. What was this? I was lost in thought. I couldn't move. How would I get out of here? His words kept hammering in my head—what had he meant?
I pinched myself, bit myself, slapped my face—nothing worked. Now I was starting to feel afraid. I began crawling toward the direction he had gone. The rocky ground made it difficult to move. My hands and feet were scraped raw. I promised myself—if I ever get out of this dream, I'll never sleep again.
It took hours to reach the edge where I had last seen him disappear. Just as I got there, he returned. Seeing me trying to leave, he showed no anger or objection, nor did he try to stop me.
This time, someone else came with him. Suddenly, a sheet was thrown over me, and I felt myself being lifted into the air. The other man wrapped me in the cloth and picked me up in his arms. I was exhausted after crawling for so long, yet as soon as he lifted me, I started thrashing around. It was no use. The tantrik stood silently with folded hands. He threw a large bag toward the other man, who then began walking toward the exit.
I scratched and kicked, but it had no effect. This was a tall cave, and the path downward was steep and long. As he moved forward, the dark cave began to fade behind us, and a light at the doorway awaited.
I tried with all my strength to break free. I thought—the more I fight, the sooner this dream will end. But my eyes were closing, my fists and kicks had no power left, and his grip was like iron. I was muttering in my own language—"When will this dream end?"