Aaaah… how long?
How long had I been gone?
Why had I left?
I no longer knew. My memory was a shattered puzzle, the pieces scattered in a bottomless abyss.
And yet, she was there.
That woman.
Always her.
Her impassive face scrutinized me through the shadows. Her eyes, of an unfathomable emptiness, seemed to pierce my soul, laying bare every fragment of my being. Then, with that sharp voice, that serpent's whisper, she said:
— Don't you remember?
A silence.
— You're a coward.
My breath caught.
— You've ruined everything again, then you fled. Like a coward.
Ah…
That's right.
A nervous, broken laugh escaped my lips.
I slowly lowered my eyes, observing the ground strewn with corpses.
Blood. Everywhere.
I didn't even know how many I had killed.
Dozens? Hundreds?
The faces were blurred. Only the twisted bodies remained, gaping wounds, mouths frozen in a final plea.
I had killed. Again. And again.
I had nothing human left.
Only madness remained within me.
My only companion, that woman who haunted me.
And that smell. Iron. Thick. Persistent. A weight in the air, clinging to my skin, embedded under my nails.
I took a deep breath.
A metallic taste filled my mouth.
How many beings had I slaughtered?
I didn't know.
I didn't want to know.
But at least now, I no longer had to face their gazes.
The woman smiled, cruel, mocking.
— That's what I'm saying.
Her voice seeped into my skull like a slow poison.
— You're a coward.
I clenched my fists.
I couldn't contradict her.
Because she was right.
Because deep down, I knew.
I should have stayed with them.
I should have faced it.
I should have…
But no.
The thoughts spun, twisted, collided. An infernal spiral. A rope tightening around my throat.
Why was I thinking about all this now?
Why… why… WHY?
And then… a burst.
A laugh.
A laugh that rose, uncontrollable, broken, torn.
— Ahahahahahahahaha!
A demented, disturbed laugh that no longer belonged to me.
— Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
I just had to…
I just had to keep surviving.
~~~~~~~~~~
What was my name again?
A second. A minute. An eternity.
I stared into the void, my mind stuck in an opaque fog.
Who was that woman always by my side?
Her silhouette formed before me, unreal, spectral, like a mirage I couldn't banish.
Where was I?
A field of corpses. A desert of mutilated flesh. A prison with no walls, no bars.
I didn't know anymore.
I knew nothing.
— Pathetic.
Her voice slipped into me like a sharp blade.
I shivered.
I didn't know why, but… I felt she was right.
She approached, her gaze glowing with icy contempt.
— Look at you. A beast.
Her breath was cold, freezing, like a wind from a forgotten world.
— You have no name anymore.
I felt my fingers tremble.
— You look like a demon, covered in dried blood.
I looked down.
My skin.
Red.
Stained.
Whose…?
What…?
— You're no longer human.
I wanted to speak, but no sound came from my throat.
— But I…
She stepped closer.
Her shadow grew.
— I'll tell you.
She leaned in, her face inches from mine.
— I'll tell you why you're here…
A shiver ran down my spine.
— And most of all, she whispered, her lips stretching into a cruel smile, I'll tell you what you're running from.
A shock.
Like a stone crashing into the black waters of my mind.
NO.
A gust of panic swept through my thoughts.
I didn't want to know.
I refused to hear it.
— No, no, no…
My hands clamped over my ears.
— NO! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
But she didn't move.
She stared at me with that same haughty, superior, distant look, as if I were a miserable, insignificant creature.
— You don't deserve to forget.
A whisper.
A cardiac arrest.
— You must suffer for what you did.
— No… no… NONONONONONO!
My legs started moving before I even realized.
I ran.
Faster than ever.
My body transcended the impossible, my stats boosted by this absurd world.
Branches whipped my face, roots tried to trip me, but I didn't slow down.
I had to flee.
I had to lose her.
Farther. Always farther.
I swallowed distance, panting, muscles burning, wounds accumulating without stopping.
And then…
Silence.
I collapsed, gasping, exhausted.
She was gone.
I had won.
A burst of laughter shook me.
At first soft.
Then louder.
Then uncontrollable.
— Ahahahahahahahaha!
I laughed like a madman, my body shaking with uncontrollable spasms.
I had won!
She was gone!
I WAS FREE!
…
Then my laughter stopped abruptly.
A deafening silence.
A shadow.
Above me.
I looked up, trembling.
No…
No… no… not you…
She was there.
Standing.
Untouched.
Her gaze locked onto mine.
— Remember.
My heart tightened.
— You killed Lucas.
I shook my head.
No.
— And you ran from the group.
My throat clenched.
No.
— You left them alone to face the forest's dangers.
— NO!
— Coward.
My breath caught.
Darkness swallowed me.
My hand clenched. My nails dug into my palm.
I was nothing.
I didn't deserve to live.
My body moved without my control.
I stood slowly.
Like possessed.
A tree.
In front of me.
An idea formed, monstrous, irresistible.
I stepped back slightly… then slammed my skull into the bark with inhuman force.
CRACK.
A searing pain.
The impact echoed in my skull, but it wasn't enough.
Again.
CRACK.
Blood ran down my temples, hot and sticky.
Again.
CRACK.
The tree deformed under my blows.
My world blurred.
Again.
My vision became hazy.
Again…
Again…
Again…
And then…
Darkness.
Silence.
The end.
But just before everything faded, one last thing.
One last voice.
A whisper, icy, mocking, cruel.
— Coward.
~~~~~~~~~~
My consciousness returned… halfway. A foggy, cracked lucidity. As if a dirty window separated me from reality.
I was sitting on a dead bear. The blood still warm flowed beneath me, sticky. In my hand, a piece of raw flesh, which I chewed slowly. The metallic taste was bland. No pleasure. No hunger. Just… animal habit.
Around me, an apocalyptic landscape. Bodies, scattered, torn apart. Humans, beasts, things… Their dislocated forms intertwined in a grotesque fresco of flesh and bone. Even the trees seemed to bleed.
Farther, a cabin. No… a heap. Made of bleached bones, twisted like burnt branches, assembled in an impossible architecture. A shelter? No. A living tomb.
But who could live here?
A voice rose then. Soft. Whispered directly into my skull.
— You live here. Even that, you'll forget?
I jumped, muscles tense like cords. My throat growled a hoarse word:
— Who… are you?
She was there. A woman's silhouette, standing in the carnage, naked, ageless. Her skin floated like a damp sheet, her eyes two bottomless pits. A too-wide smile froze her face.
I lunged, intent on tearing out her throat.
But I passed through her body like a cold breath. She was just an illusion, a fractured memory, a shadow of me.
Crouched, panting, I brought my bloodied hand to my chin, eyes wild.
— What… what is this? I mumbled.
— Pathetic, she said.
— Have you forgotten, Anthony?
That name struck me like a blunt blade in the skull. A spasm. A flash. A pain.
— Have you forgotten your companions?
My fingers trembled. Yes. There were some. Before.
— Com… companions… That's right. I had companions. But… what were their names?
I staggered to a black rock, damp, oozing thick liquid.
I fell to my knees before the stone. It was watching me. Not really… But I felt it. Like a silent witness. An accomplice to my fall.
My arm hung heavy. The blood had dried on my fingers. The cold bit into my bones. Yet I reached out. I had to write. I had to remember.
I pressed my finger against the rock. The pain flared white and sharp. I pushed harder. Until the bone pierced the flesh. A bare, filthy point, now serving as a quill.
I carved. Slowly. Like digging a grave.
— How touching.
Her voice sliced the air, sharp as a laugh in a graveyard.
— You just stood there, frozen like a statue.
I clenched my teeth. I kept carving. Blood flowed onto the stone. Too much. Far too much. The letters faded as soon as I traced them.
— And you didn't move. Not a step. Just… that fucking silence. Like your brain drowned in its own fear.
I spat on the ground.
— I acted…
— Yes, she cut in, mocking. You acted after. When there was nothing left to save. When Lucas bled out while you watched.
I was screaming without realizing it. My forehead struck the stone. I wanted to break my head open, erase the images, the sounds. The voice. His gaze.
But she, she went on.
— You slaughtered them all. A real butcher. Bravo, Anthony. But he was already cold. You were hitting the void. Killing for nothing. You were never a hero. Just a beast who moves too late.
My fingers clawed the stone. I bled. I felt like each letter tore something from my skull. A memory. An emotion. A bit more of me.
— You want to write his name? Lucas?
Her voice turned venomous, grating.
— You want to remember him? Then carve it with your teeth, Anthony.
I rose slowly. Face covered in blood. Eyes wide. I wasn't even sure I was breathing. My heart was a hammer. My jaw trembled.
I raised my hand. Blood still flowing. In the hollow of my palm, the name was there. Not written. Not carved. Just… there. Still beating.
Lucas.
An inner whisper. A groan.
And I knew that nothing would bring him back.
Not my screams.
Not my blood.
Not my hatred.
I turned to her. She smiled. Wide. Twisted. Her face no longer human.
— You want to see him again? she whispered. Then die. Maybe he's waiting for you. Maybe not.
I didn't answer.
I couldn't anymore.
I was no longer.
So I walked.
I didn't know toward what. Or why. There was no path. No purpose.
Only that dull need.
To get away.
Or get closer.
The trees stretched around me like figures frozen in a silent scream.
The wind creaked. The leaves bled black sap.
I walked through the forest.
Walking.
Through the forest.
Walking.
Through the forest.
Walking.
WALKING.
WALKING.
WALKING.
WALKING.
My feet struck the earth without rhythm, without logic.
My breath was a beast.
My heart, a drum without skin.
I no longer felt my body.
Just the weight. The void.
And the stone in my skull pounding endlessly.
Then I fell.
Suddenly.
As if the ground had vanished.
As if my legs were nothing but memories.
I fell, arms spread, face in the mud, the blood, the dead leaves.
And everything went black.
A voice floated in the silence.
Soft.
Terribly soft.
— You did well, Anthony…
She whispered like a mother. Like a lover.
— Lucas is waiting for you.
I shivered.
— Let go…
An unhealthy warmth enveloped me. Something tugged at my mind.
And then:
— COWARD.
The scream exploded in my skull, like a hammer on glass.
The voice laughed.
She laughed again.
Again.
Again.
And in the depths of the dark, I fell.
Endlessly.