Ainee went back to Cebu the day after Phillip's birthday. Everything returned to the way it was before—Mitch, Kim, and I were back to work, while Phillip stayed home with his nanny. In the evenings, I took care of him by myself after getting home from work. Most nights, it was just Mitch and me with Phillip since Kim was often on location for the drama anthology she was working on as part of the production staff.
As for me, I remained an assistant writer for two shows to keep my workload manageable. I was content with this position for now because it allowed me to spend more time with Phillip and take care of him. I figured I'd aim for a higher position once he was a little less dependent on me.
I had promised myself that I would give him all the love and attention he needed, especially since his father wasn't with us. I had started writing the letter to Sean, but I could never seem to finish a draft because Phillip always woke up whenever he sensed I wasn't beside him in bed. I chose to write it at night, so I could carefully think through my words and explain everything to Sean properly. I also prepared some videos and a few pictures of our son to send along with the letter.
I had already told Ali and Jed about my child during a video call on Yahoo. I explained everything to them, and thankfully, they understood. Zette had already known even before Kim arrived because we had a video call during Kim's graduation. I also informed my family about my new life through a letter, but I intentionally left out my return address so they wouldn't know where I lived. To me, that was enough to let them know I was okay, even if I wasn't sure whether they would try to reach out.
VM and AC also knew about my baby since we talked through Yahoo. But Nika and Yara had no idea, as I had lost contact with them.
Phillip loved watching shows on the Disney Channel. The moment he woke up, he wanted to be in front of the TV. He enjoyed singing along to the songs and dancing to the music he liked. I could see that he had a love for singing—he definitely took after his father.
He could already say a few simple words, mostly one-syllable ones, whether in English or Tagalog.
But there was one moment that completely froze me in place, like a bucket of ice-cold water had been poured over me.
We were watching Finding Nemo together when he suddenly said, "Da-da-ddy." He clapped his tiny hands in excitement, beaming with joy. Then he looked at me, pointed at the TV, and said, "Ma, da-da-ddy!"
It was as if he was telling me, Look, the fish has a daddy—where's mine?
I couldn't answer. I couldn't hold back my tears. I felt so guilty, so heartbroken for him.
That was the longest word he had ever spoken, and he never said it again after that.
Now, whenever he sees a scene with a father in it, all I hear from him is "Da-da." His nanny even told me that he often said it throughout the day while they were alone together. I had gotten into the habit of asking her about what Phillip did whenever I wasn't around.
And every time I heard that story, the guilt inside me grew heavier.
Dear Sean,
How have you been? I know you must be shocked that I finally gathered the courage to reach out and write to you. I know I've done you a great wrong, and I'm sure you have countless questions that have been weighing on your mind for so long—questions that only I can answer.
I'm sorry that I had to leave without a word. I never planned for any of it to happen. Not once did it ever cross my mind that I would be capable of leaving you. But sometimes, life throws things at us that we never expect, things that are beyond our control.
Sean, I've accepted that you probably won't forgive me for what I did. What matters to me now is that I finally explain everything—something I should have done a long time ago. There is a reason why I could only do it now. I know it's too late, but I also know you deserve to hear the truth.
The night before what was supposed to be our first anniversary, your mother came to my apartment. At first, I thought she was looking for you, but it turned out she was there for me. My instincts were right—your parents never accepted me. She made it very clear that I wasn't good enough for you.
I could have handled that. I could have understood if they simply didn't like me. Some people judge others even when they don't truly know them. If it were just about their disapproval, I could have found a way to prove myself to them. But things weren't that simple.
Sean, that night, for the first time in my life, I experienced what it felt like to have my love measured in terms of money. Your mother placed a check in my hand—a sum of money in exchange for walking away from you. At that moment, I felt so small. Your parents believed that I loved you only because of your wealth and status.
I've been judged by people before, and I've learned to ignore it because I know myself better than anyone else does. But to have my love for you reduced to nothing more than a price tag? That was something I couldn't accept. Yes, Sean, you understood correctly—your mother tried to buy me off so that I would never step foot in your world again, because I didn't belong in it. To her, I was just an ordinary woman working hard to survive, someone who had no place in your high-class world.
What should have been a joyful celebration of our first anniversary turned into one of the most painful moments of my life—one that still stings to this day.
That same day, I was supposed to tell you that I was pregnant with our child.
The same day your mother came to my apartment, I found out that I was six weeks pregnant.
That afternoon, I had taken a half-day at work to pick up a custom-made bracelet I had ordered as a gift for you. But as I was leaving the jewelry store, I suddenly felt dizzy. Thankfully, the security guard acted quickly before I collapsed. The store manager called a medic, and they rushed me to the nearest hospital.
After running tests, the doctor assured me that I was fine—that I wasn't sick. That's when I found out I was pregnant. The dizziness was just an early symptom.
Because of that confrontation with your mother, fear consumed me—not for myself, but for our child. And so, even though it broke me, even though it was the hardest thing I had ever done, I walked away.
I did it for peace—for everyone's sake.
I didn't want to cause problems between you and your family because of me. I didn't know what they would do if they found out I was carrying your child, and I couldn't take that risk. That was the biggest reason I never showed myself to you again.
None of our friends knew what I went through that night, or why I left. I had to protect the life growing inside me, even if it meant enduring the pain of leaving you without an explanation. I knew that if I had spoken to you before I left, it would have been impossible for me to go.
Sean, I still love you, but I have no expectations that you feel the same way. If someone else has taken my place in your heart, I've long accepted it—that's how it should be. I have no right to complain because I was the one who left. I was the one who hurt you.
I'm not here to disrupt your life. I just wanted you to know the truth, even if it's too late.
Along with this letter, I'm sending CDs containing everything about our child, in case you want to see and know him. There are also some pictures included. Sean, our baby knows you. I always tell him stories about you. And if you remember our old photo album, I show it to him all the time.
This is where I'll end my letter.
Thank you for everything we shared. I will cherish those memories until my last breath.
Always,
Lui
END OF BOOK ONE