I couldn't hold back my sobs anymore. I had no idea how long I had been sitting on the floor, crying my heart out. My tears, snot, and sweat all mixed together as I wept uncontrollably. I didn't care what I looked like—nothing mattered in the face of this overwhelming pain.
Every cruel word from my own parents and siblings, combined with the ones I had just heard from Sean's mother, kept replaying in my mind over and over again. I just wanted to give up. No matter where I went, misfortune seemed to follow me like a shadow, always dragging me down into the mud.
"Do I really not have the right to be happy? Why is it that every time I manage to piece myself together, someone comes along to break me all over again—crushing me into even smaller fragments than before?And as if that weren't enough, they want to bury me even deeper, trapping me in quicksand until I'm completely swallowed up, with no chance of ever resurfacing."
But then, in the middle of my sobbing, I instinctively placed a hand on my stomach. A realization hit me like a bolt of lightning. I couldn't afford to be weak. There was a life inside me, depending on me.
"But what now? What was I supposed to do? I wasn't prepared for this moment." My mind raced to Sean—how would he react when he found out we were going to have a child? "Would he be willing to defy his parents again, this time for our baby? What kind of life would our child have if his family never accepted us"?
I didn't want my baby to experience the same harshness and cruelty that I had endured. "What if my child couldn't handle it? What if the world was just as unkind to them as it had been to me?"
"And Sean... what about Sean? What would happen to him once I left? Would he be angry? Would he hate me? Would he even wonder where I had gone? Would he look for me?"
But I had no choice—I had to leave. I couldn't bear the thought of my child suffering the same fate I had. I could only hope that one day, when I finally found the courage to tell Sean about our child, he wouldn't curse me for abandoning him. Slowly, I forced myself to stand. I walked to the kitchen and drank a glass of water, trying to steady my thoughts.
I went straight to my room, pulled out my luggage, and placed it on the bed next to the backpack I had prepared for the hiking and camping trip Sean and I had planned—for our first anniversary.
One by one, I took my clothes from the cabinet and neatly packed them into my luggage. I had to be gone before Sean arrived to pick me up. If he saw me, I might not have the strength to leave him.
I managed to fit my things into a single suitcase and a duffel bag. I couldn't take everything with me, so I had to leave a lot behind. I only packed the essentials—things I could carry without straining myself. I wasn't going to risk my baby's safety.
My child was the only companion I had now—the only source of strength and inspiration I had left to keep going. For them, I had to keep fighting. I had to start over, in a new place, for the second time in my life.
I would think about everything else later. Right now, I needed to move quickly.
Then suddenly—
Krrrriiiiiiinnnnngggggg!!!!! Krrrriiiiiiinnnnngggggg!!!!! Krrrriiiiiiinnnnngggggg!!!!!
My phone rang.
Sean.
I saw his name flashing on the screen, but I couldn't bring myself to answer. I knew that if I heard his voice, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from crying again. So, I let it ring and ring until it finally stopped.
I quickly set my phone to silent mode. I couldn't turn it off completely—if he got suspicious, he might come looking for me earlier than expected. I had to make him think I had simply fallen asleep, which wasn't unusual for me. Thankfully, he didn't call again.
But then, a new message notification popped up.
From Sean:
Goodnight, my palangga. I'm so excited to spend time with you again. See you later. I miss you, palangga! I love you.
Tears streamed down my face once more.
It was past midnight when I was finally ready to leave. Packing my clothes hadn't been easy—I kept stopping because I couldn't stop crying. The sight of the gifts Sean had given me, along with a few of his belongings that he had purposely left here and the memories we shared together, made it even harder for me.
I didn't touch the bag I had packed for our planned camping trip. Instead, I placed the personalized bracelet I had made for him as an anniversary gift beside it. I took with me everything Sean had given me, including our photo album, so that one day, our child could see and know him—even if he wouldn't be with us. I couldn't deny my child the right to know his father.
Leaving this apartment was heartbreaking, but I had no choice. For the last time, I let my eyes wander around the space that had been my home before finally stepping out, locking the door behind me as my tears continued to fall. I carried with me the happy memories Sean, Ainee, and I had made here, which made leaving all the more painful. I cried even harder now than I did when I left the bus terminal, where Mitch, Ali, Zette, Jed, and Georje had seen me off.
Finding a taxi this late at night was difficult, but after almost an hour of waiting, an elderly driver finally pulled over. I got in and left behind the place that had been my home for so long. I asked him to take me to a small hotel near the pier, where I could easily check if there was a scheduled ship to Manila in the morning. I didn't want to return to Mindanao, especially not in my current condition.
Despite everything, the world still seemed to show me some kindness. At least in Manila, I had somewhere to go—someone who might take me in. Mitch had been transferred to the mother network after getting a promotion, so I planned to stay with her. If she was okay with it, which I know for sure. I would help with the rent for her condo. While my pregnancy wasn't yet obvious, I would also look for a job.
Once I arrived in Manila, I would submit my resignation via email. I didn't want my time at that company to go to waste. Having two years of work experience there would be a significant advantage in finding a new job—something I desperately needed. I had to save up for my child's birth and future needs.
I didn't have much money in my bank account since I had already given most of it to Sean as an investment in his company. But honestly, the amount I contributed was nothing compared to what he and his trusted friends had put in. I was surprised he even let me invest, given how little my contribution was. That's why I needed to be extra careful with what I had left.
After checking into the hotel, I didn't waste time changing clothes. As soon as I lay down on the single bed, exhaustion took over my body.
And yet, sleep refused to come.
I kept glancing at the time, even though I didn't mean to. I knew that soon, Sean would wake up and start getting ready to pick me up. He had a copy of my apartment key, so if I didn't answer the door, he would be able to get in. We had exchanged keys for convenience—to avoid the hassle of knocking whenever we visited each other.
But I had left my key to his condo behind, along with the bracelet. I knew I wouldn't be needing it anymore.
I braced myself for Sean's inevitable anger or resentment when he discovered I had left without a word—without even a simple letter to explain why. And to make matters worse, I was doing this on the very day of our first anniversary.
I had no certainty about what awaited me in Manila, but I couldn't afford to waver. I couldn't give up. If I had been strong before, I needed to be twice—no, ten times—stronger now. I wasn't just thinking about myself anymore. I had a child to protect.
At exactly three a.m., I turned off my phone. I knew Sean would be calling any minute, and I couldn't risk hearing his voice. It would break me. I needed to stay firm in my decision. I had to leave, not just for myself, but to prevent any more conflict between Sean and his family. If he saw me now, it would only lead to more problems.
I also chose not to tell Ainee about my situation. I knew Sean would hound her with questions about me, and if he was persistent enough, she might slip up and tell him something. I would call her once I reached Manila, but I wouldn't tell her where exactly I was staying. I couldn't take any chances—there was a child involved now.
My tears began to flow again, streaming down my cheeks in an unstoppable race.
I wanted to cry it all out before I boarded the ship so that by the time I arrived in Manila, my tears would be spent. I had already soaked my pillow in my apartment with tears, and now, this hotel pillow was catching a fresh wave of sorrow.
I knew crying wouldn't do me any good, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't breathe. I had no choice but to let it all out—like rain pouring from the sky. I could only hope that, along with these tears, all the pain I was feeling would be washed away. But I wasn't sure if I could ever truly recover from this. This was the deepest pain I had ever felt in my entire life. I never thought anything could hurt more than what I had already been through in Mindanao. But now, I realized I was wrong. For the first time, I truly wanted to give up. But I couldn't.
I needed Sean's warmth. I needed his embrace to ease this unbearable ache in my chest. But I knew I could never let him see me again. For his sake. For our child's sake. For everyone's sake.
I knew what I was doing was wrong—walking away without a word. But this was the only solution I could think of while I still had a shred of sanity left. I couldn't put my child at risk. Thia baby will be depending on me, and me alone.
If I didn't force myself to leave now, I feared I would lose my grip on reality completely.
I don't belong in this place. I don't fit in with high society because I'm just an ordinary person. I have nothing to boast about in my life, and most of all, my name is unknown in society. I shouldn't force myself into a world where I don't belong because I'll only end up being ridiculed, humiliated, and seen as nothing more than trash in their eyes.
I can't ruin my love's dreams. I can't let all his hard work go to waste, and I definitely can't tarnish his name, which he has worked so hard to protect.
"Ga, continue chasing the dream you've long pursued and have already started to build. I know you'll make it flourish—there's no doubt about that—because you're amazing at what you do. I see that this isn't just a career or business for you; it's your passion, and that's why you love it so much. You deserve everything you have now, Ga—except for me, because I will only be your downfall. That's why I don't belong with someone like you, just like your mother said."
I didn't even notice the time when exhaustion finally caught up with me, and I fell asleep. I woke up to the tiny angel in my belly complaining of hunger, so I had to get up. I didn't even realize how long I had slept. Since I had no plans of going out to find food, I had to endure the slightly expensive prices just to fill my stomach. I couldn't afford to go hungry anymore like I used to, when I could endure the hunger, I felt.
Now, in this new chapter of my life, I can no longer think only of myself. From now on, my baby's well-being will always come first, even before my own. Starting today, he or she will be the center of my life, my strength—and I must accept that he or she will also be my greatest weakness.
I have no idea what's happened with Sean. I know that the moment he realized I was gone from the apartment, he bombarded Ainee with calls and text messages, demanding answers. After all, she's the only person he could turn to for information about me.
After lunch, I forced myself to leave the hotel because I had no choice but to find the nearest ticket booth for the ship. I needed to check if there was a scheduled departure today, and if there was, I had to buy a ticket immediately. I couldn't afford to stay in the hotel any longer—it would cost too much, and I needed to save every penny for my baby and me.
I was beyond grateful when I found out that there was a ship scheduled to leave for Manila at 8 PM tonight. My prayers had been answered. I bought my ticket, grabbed some food for the journey, and returned to the hotel to check out. My bill ended up being slightly higher since I had to extend my stay by a few hours.
I left the hotel before nightfall, taking a taxi to the pier. It was better to be there early because I knew I would be safe once I arrived. My phone remained turned off because I knew Sean wouldn't stop calling until I answered, so it was best to keep it off entirely.
After settling my things, I put on Sean's jacket—the one I had deliberately brought with me. I knew it was his favorite, but he had left it with me, saying he'd just get it back when we went camping. But he'll never see his favorite jacket again because I'm taking it with me. Even though it's too big for me, when I wear it, I feel like he's hugging me. This is the only way I can feel his presence now because we can't see each other anymore.
I sat on the lower bunk bed with my luggage placed beside me and my duffel bag resting on the foam, ready to serve as my pillow later. In just a couple of hours, the ship would leave, and I would finally be far away from the place that had been my home for so long—a place that had carved a space in my heart. I had to say goodbye to all the memories that had been such a huge part of my life. No matter where I ended up, I would never forget them because they were already etched into my heart and mind.
I walked over to the railing in the economy section to watch the ship depart. Just past 8 PM, I felt the ship begin to move, pulling away from the pier in Cebu. It was a sign that there was no turning back, that I was truly leaving this place—taking with me both happy and painful memories.
Tears fell again as I watched the pier grow smaller and smaller.
"Goodbye. Goodbye for now, my palangga, until we meet again. I don't know when that will be, but I'm certain our paths will cross again because there is one life that will forever connect us. I love you so much, my palangga. Even though we are apart, I will always love you. Our child and I love you. I hope that one day, you can forgive me for leaving—not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I couldn't destroy the dream you were building. If one day you find someone new—someone who will love you even more than I did—I just hope you never forget that once in your life, there was a Lui who loved you dearly. I hope she cooks better bangus sinigang and chicken curry than I do so you won't miss my cooking. I remember when we once ate at a restaurant, and you ordered chicken curry. You complained that it wasn't as good as mine because mine was creamier and tastier. And the sinigang—you said it wasn't good because it wasn't like mine, where I used rice wash for the broth and made sure it had just the right amount of sourness," as my tears fell one after another from my eyes, I didn't care who saw me crying while the ship drifted farther and farther from the port of Cebu. I was also moving farther and farther away from the one I love.
"I hope you find happiness, even without me by your side. There will be no one to wake me up from my deep sleep, no one will tease me, no one will accompany me to the grocery store. No one will insist for me cook bangus sinigang and chicken curry. No one will pinch my cheeks often, no one will hug me and kiss me on my forehead," I cried even more when I remembered the things he used to do for me—the things I had grown so accustomed to.
"I will no longer get to see your smile—the one that makes your eyes squint even more. There will be no more good morning and good night texts, no more 'I miss you,' and most of all, no more 'I love you, Ga. Even now, I already miss you so much. It's such a shame that you won't get to see me turn into a whale because I'm carrying our baby," I'm sure of it because he really is the teasing type.
"I'm sorry, Ga. I couldn't tell you before because I didn't have the strength. I'm sorry for being a coward, for making you think I didn't fight for you. I don't know if I can handle this now that you're no longer by my side, but I have to—for our little you, or little me. I still don't know their gender yet, Ga. But I'm sure that if it's a boy, he'll look just like you—fair-skinned, with squinty eyes, always smiling, and definitely mischievous, just like you. But most of all, he'll be affectionate, just like you. Take care of yourself always, Ga. Remember, never drive too fast like you own the road. I love you so much, Ga. Our baby and I love you so much, Daddy Palangga."