Thoughts went through Gu Wei's head on the way home.
What did it mean? Why had he done such a thing?
Gu Wei had almost… And Zhai Mei had been cool about the whole ordeal, acting so naturally like it wasn't a big deal.
Was it not? Was Gu Wei overthinking things? Had it been in his head alone?
That couldn't be, Zhai Mei had… Zhai Mei had… Gu Wei couldn't even think about it. It was just so mortifying.
But if he couldn't think it, then how was he going to make sure it didn't happen again?
Did Gu Wei want it to happen again?
Frustrated with himself, Gu Wei shed his outerwear angrily and dropped on his bed.
He could hear the shower running in the bathroom and Ha Xing's loud voice humming a song.
Good. No Ha Xing to deal with for a while.
Gu Wei turned on his back and gazed unseeing at the ceiling. He had to accept it. He had tried to…
Deep breaths, in and out, try again. Gu Wei had almost kissed Zhai Mei.
There, simple, no heart attacks, no nothing.
On the bench by HHE, Gu Wei had almost kissed Zhai Mei.
Did that mean he liked her?
Gu Wei's heart sped up, and adrenaline swept through him at the thought. Gu Wei couldn't deny it anymore.
He liked Zhai Mei. Has felt so for a long time now.
All those warm bubbly feeling he got in her presence.
How he always forgot to breathe whenever she touched him with her soft hands. How protective he'd got when he saw that asshole at the lobby.
Gu Wei recalled what Ha Xing had told him then, that he'd liked Zhai Mei first.
Did that mean that he hadn't stopped liking her since then, he'd just forgotten she existed?
What sort of asshole was he to have the ability to forget his first crush?
So what? He'd been living this whole time with his feelings buried inside him? That didn't make sense, did it?
Thumping a leg on the bed in frustration, Gu Wei felt like he wasn't getting anywhere with this train of thought.
What did it matter if he liked her then or now or before?
This was the present, and Gu Wei had to do something about his feelings. What do you do when you like someone?
You confess, and if they like you back, you date? Gu Wei's expression was one of distaste at the thought of dating.
He hadn't dated anyone once in his 25 years in life, and he wasn't starting now.
Gu Wei had seen his fair share of relationships from his friends, and they weren't something he was interested in.
All relationships do is tear up one's life and blind you to reality.
Couples exist in a bubble, caught up in themselves and their relationship that they dismiss those around them, focusing only on their partner like worship.
Only 5% of them manage to get it right to the end. Song Wei and He Sheng, for example.
They did everything without the added distaste Gu Wei had for couples.
They didn't dismiss their friends, lived their lives not revolving wholly around the other, and kept their dramatics to themselves.
Unlike the other 95%, which also consisted of Gu Wei's parents.
Two couples who loved each other so much they abandoned their child to preserve their 'love.'
Gu Wei's fingers formed a fist, taking handfuls of sheet with him.
No need to think too much about it.
Gu Wei wasn't dating anyone in the long years he had left for his life. Not even Zhai Mei.
That was if she liked him back, and Gu Wei wasn't sure her feelings still existed from their school days like his did.
Gu Wei had basically rejected her then with a cold, forgetful demeanor, and he was probably seeing things when she'd closed her eyes and pressed her lips together like she was waiting for him to-
No, no no, don't go there. Stop thinking.
Gu Wei hauled the duvet over himself, pausing as the room grew eerily quiet at the sound of running water stopping.
Ha Xing would come out any moment now, and Gu Wei didn't have the emotional energy to see his annoying face or the brain power to include him in his overwhelming thoughts.
Gu Wei shoved the duvet over his head.
Everything was a dim brightness, and the room's light seeped through the fabric a bit.
Like the streetlights had shined on Zhai Mei's face and made everything more pronounced.
The fast rush of adrenaline and speeding heart happened again, making Gu Wei squeeze his eyes shut as the image burned in his brain.
Something soft poked at Gu Wei's body. He groaned.
The poking stopped for a moment then resumed again, traveling to his face.
Gu Wei ripped the duvet off his head and shouted, "What?!"
A scream was all he got as a robed Ha Xing jumped away in fright with a hand on his chest.
The young master in a white bathrobe was breathing heavily as his wide eyes strayed over Gu Wei's creepy form covered in white with his head alone poking out of the fabric.
He looked like a mummy.
Ha Xing caught his breath.
"I thought-I… I thought someone had broken into the house and fallen asleep on your bed! Why are you ahhh… Why are you stuffed like that? You scared the ghosts out of me."
Not feeling a single stroke of guilt at Ha Xing's scared mood, Gu Wei only groaned further and turned in the big bulk of fabric, giving Ha Xing his back.
Gu Wei didn't have time for Ha Xing, he was going through a crisis here.
Normally, he would've blurted it all out to his best friend, and they would've talked it through together, but Gu Wei was giving Ha Xing the silent treatment, and he'd vowed not to say a thing if Ha Xing didn't too.
Gu Wei was in a predicament alone, and his genius friend couldn't help him this time.
The boy in a dilemma searched for his last line of thought and was about to continue his deep thinking when Ha Xing spoke.
"Mom and Dad called me today. They said you weren't picking up."
At the sound of Mom and Dad, Gu Wei stiffened, hand tightening on the duvet he was bundled up in.
When Ha Xing referred to 'Mom and Dad', he didn't mean his parents, but rather Gu Wei's.
Ha Xing never called his parents mom and dad, but Mrs. Song and Mr. Song.
A joke of a kind around the family of four, another form of endearment from the Song household Gu Wei had never really understood.
Ha Xing's younger brother, who was currently in 9th grade, was also allowed to use the formal names without so much as a scolding.
Seeing as Gu Wei wasn't reacting to his words, Ha Xing sighed and continued, relaying the message as he was supposed to.
"They're coming back to China and said they would arrive next week. Did you block them by chance? If you did let me know, I'll hold them off for you."
Anger flashed in Gu Wei, and he clenched his teeth together.
What was this?
I won't tell you anything about me and Shi Yi, but I'll help you with your deranged parents, so don't bother me?
Gu Wei didn't say a thing in reply to Ha Xing's announcement.
His parents had been haunting him from that fever dream he'd had at the hotel, and now they were showing their faces.
Call the devils, and they shall come.
The bed Gu Wei was lying on dipped on the side as Ha Xing sat near him.
"Should I prepare the guest room or have them stay at Nana's?" Ha Xing said, voice soft and almost soothing.
Gu Wei wanted to laugh.
A few days ago, he would've been grateful to Ha Xing for doing so much for him, but now it felt like a pity move.
Gu Wei heard a sigh, and the bed shifted again, Ha Xing rearranging himself.
A hand settled on Gu Wei's ankle.
"If you don't want to talk, fine. I'll figure it out. They don't stay more than a week anyway. But you… Will you be okay? Are you okay?"
Gu Wei shook off the annoying touch on his leg and moved them elsewhere.
He relaxed his clenched jaw and finally said something. "I won't talk if someone doesn't talk to me."
Gu Wei heard Ha Xing's sharp inhalation and stuffed his guilt away again.
"I'm talking to you now, aren't I?"
"If that's what you think, then you're clueless to the point of stupidity."
"Gu Wei you…! You're being childish, you know that?"
The duvet fell off as Gu Wei sat up and pushed it off him.
"I'm being childish? Which one of us is acting like a child?! Me or you?! Maybe go take a look in the mirror first!"
Gu Wei hadn't meant to, but he was shouting, and Ha Xing looked shocked at the unexpected loudness of his voice.
Blinking at his angry roommate, Ha Xing took a step back in the conversation and tried to calm everything down.
"Okay okay, I get it, just… calm down for a second. I didn't mean it. You're not a child, no one's a child here. I spoke wrong, don't be angry."
Gu Wei's retaliation to Ha Xing telling him to calm down like a know-it-all parent was to throw a pillow at his face.
The cushion knocked Ha Xing back, and he fell sideways off the bed, catching himself in time before he splattered on the floor.
The pillow landed where he would've been if not for his quick reflexes.
Ha Xing turned an expression of disbelief on Gu Wei.
"What the heck is wrong with you?! I almost fell!"
Gu Wei screamed back at him.
"What the heck is wrong with you?! Acting like everything's okay, when you won't talk to me! Your best friend! You're supposed to tell me everything! But you only push me away and say nothing!"
"You're the one who won't talk! I ask how you're doing, and all I get is a cold shoulder! How was your day? You say 'fine' and leave the room! Anytime I try to pry, you glare at me and shrug away my questions like it doesn't matter! I'm the one who's not your best friend!"
"Did you think for a second why?! Why?! Hm?! Why am I not saying a thing?! Why am I giving you the cold shoulder?! Why won't I talk to you?! Or do you know but still won't do anything about it?! Who's not being a friend here?!
Don't sit there and tell me you're gonna help with my parents. I. Don't. Want. Your. Help! Go back to hunching on your computer and stop bothering me!"
This was pronounced with a banging slam of the door as Gu Wei shot to his feet and locked himself in the bathroom.
Gu Wei plastered himself against the door and pressed his hands against the wood.
He was shaking.
Small tremors went through his body as he heaved out inhale after exhale, throat sore and aching, unused to the excessive use of yells.
Gu Wei had screamed at Ha Xing.
For the first time in their friendship, Gu Wei had raised his voice and walked away from a fight.
They always fixed their arguments whenever it happened.
They never screamed at each other or slammed doors in each other's faces, and Gu Wei was doing such a thing.
His back slid down the door as he lowered himself to the cold floor.
Gu Wei sat and leaned his hands on his raised knee, dropping his head between his legs as his fingers dangled and shook.
Too much. Everything was too much.
Gu Wei breathed slowly, to stop the shaking at least.
One thing at a time, he tried to think, tried to compile his thoughts into stacks so he wouldn't forget them.
He'd screamed at Ha Xing and slammed the door in his face, probably hurting his best friend in the process.
His parents were coming home, bringing their bullshit parenting with them, and they were staying at Nana's. Gu Wei decided.
Closed his eyes and breathed in and out, circling his thoughts and trying to find anything else he should note.
There was one more thing. He was forgetting something.
Gu Wei squeezed his eyes and banged his head on the door.
Goddammit, what was it?!
Something… Something…
Gu Wei rolled his head on the door from side to side, reaching for it in his mind, something that was just out of reach.
Not again, please, not again. Gu Wei begged.
Don't fail me now, brain.
He held his breath, hoping that would help. It was important. This thing he was forgetting was important.
Did he write it in his notebook by any chance? Was it about Ha Xing? His friends? Fu Yuan? Who?! What?!
Gu Wei banged his head one more time on the door as he came up blank, the hollowness in his head refusing to clear.
What the hell was it?!