Chunhe took a deep breath, steadying his trembling hands as he spun the wheel for the second time. The golden circle whirled, divine light flickering in its wake. His heart pounded like a drum.
The wheel slowed… his fate revealed—TRY AGAIN.
Silence.
Chunhe's face drained of color. He wobbled where he stood, eyes wide, hands trembling. He looked up at the sky, lips quivering. Then—he collapsed onto his knees.
"O, sacred System! O, boundless Heaven! How foolish was I to doubt you?! How blind was I to your divine wisdom?! It was never you who lacked kindness—it was I who lacked faith! I am but a worm, a grain of sand lost in the shifting tides of fate!"
He threw himself to the ground, forehead slamming into the dirt. Snot and tears mixed as he grovelled shamelessly, his cries echoing through the empty village. The villagers didn't even glance his way. Big D walked by, unimpressed.
"Forgive me! Punish me if you must, but do not forsake me! Let this humble servant—no, this loyal dog—crawl back into your favor! Smite me, strip me of dignity, but grant me strength! Even a speck of mercy! Even a single crumb!"
The wheel glowed. A divine hum filled the air. A bead of sweat rolled down his face as he reached out, fingers trembling. The final spin began. The world slowed. His breath caught.
Click. Click. Click… The wheel stopped.
Silence.
Then—
"T-TYRANT PHYSIQUE?!"
For a moment, he stared. Then, his lips curled. His trembling turned into shaking. His breathing hitched. And then—
"HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The villagers kept walking. The stray dog sniffed the ground and left.
Chunhe grinned like a madman, veins bulging, fists clenched. "Hahhhhahahahhahahhaha"
Thunder rumbled.
"You thought I'd stay your pathetic little pawn?! HAH! LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm the protagonist! I am the chosen one! I am the—"
A lightning bolt cracked in the distance.
He pointed a shaking finger at the sky, spit flying. "OH, WHAT'S WRONG NOW, HUH?! MAD THAT I SLIPPED THROUGH YOUR FINGERS?! THAT I DIDN'T BREAK?! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THAT OMNIPOTENCE, HUH?!"
Another rumble. The wind picked up.
"YOU COULDN'T RIG THE WHEEL A THIRD TIME, COULD YOU?! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD PLAY ME LIKE SOME TRAGIC, MISERABLE PROTAGONIST?! WELL, GUESS WHAT?!"
The sky darkened. The villagers still did not care.
"I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER!"
A single drop of rain landed on his forehead. Then another. Then—BOOM. A lightning bolt crashed dangerously close. His victorious laugh died in his throat.
The sky crackled with divine fury. The air was thick with static. Chunhe, grinning like a lunatic, stood defiant, arms wide open.
"Oh, did that hurt your pride, you old fossil?! What, can't stand to lose?! Well, too bad—"
BOOM! A bolt of lightning slammed into him.
His body spasmed, hair standing on end. "GAAAAA—!!!"
Smoke rose from his head. He wobbled, his clothes slightly charred, his limbs twitching. But instead of learning his lesson—
He panted, glaring at the sky, raising a trembling middle finger. "Y-You don't cut people when they talking. At least let me finish?!"
BOOM! A SECOND BOLT.
He spun mid-air, crashing into a cabbage cart. "HAAAAAAAGH—!"
He tumbled, rolled, slammed into the ground. The villagers glanced over… "Should we help him?"
"Is he dead?"
"No."
"Then no, we might get caught in it too."
And they went back to their business.
Coughing, he pulled out a handful of healing pills and shoved them into his mouth like a starving man at a buffet. "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?! I'M STILL STANDING, YOU ANCIENT RELIC! YOU PETTY, SALTY, OLD BAG OF CLOUDS—"
BOOM! A THIRD STRIKE.
Screeching, he rolled across the dirt, his shoes smoking.
He scrambled up, legs wobbling, arms flailing as he ran in circles like a headless chicken.
"I TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BACK! YOU'RE MAGNIFICENT! MERCIFUL! MIGHTY—AAAAAH STOP IT!!!"
He dodged left—lightning slammed right. He dodged right—lightning slammed left. It wasn't even trying to scare him. It was just killing him at this point.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"
He popped a pill, eyes twitching. He took off running, arms flailing, making loops around the village. The villagers sighed. A child tugged at their mother's sleeve.
"Mama, why is the thunder striking him and he running in circles?"
The mother didn't look up. "He's fighting the heavens, dear."
BOOM! A bolt crashed inches away. Chunhe jumped five feet into the air, did an accidental somersault, and landed on his head.
Rolling, twitching, wheezing, he croaked, "Cough—COUGH—YOU CALL THIS DIVINE JUDGMENT?! THIS IS JUST BULLYING! I'M GONNA REPORT YOU TO THE COSMIC OMBUDSMAN!!!"
Another lightning bolt flickered ominously.
He yelped, immediately kneeling, forehead to the ground. "I WAS JOKING! I WAS JOKING! ALMIGHTY HEAVEN, MOST GENEROUS SYSTEM, I AM BUT A LOWLY, STUPID FOOL WHO SPEAKS OUT OF TURN! PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY PITIFUL, INSIGNIFICANT EXISTENCE!"
Silence. The sky rumbled softly, as if considering.
He peeked up, hopeful. "Aha… see? No hard feelings, righ—"
BOOM! LIGHTNING. RIGHT. ON. HIS. BUTT.
His butt was on fire. He was running, spinning, rolling, guarding his butt.
Another thunder strike.
He jumped ten feet in the air, flailing like a cat that touched water. "YEEEEAAAAARGH!"
The world faded to black. The villagers continued their day.
Meanwhile, in the heavens—
A Celestial Elder stroked his beard, watching Chunhe twitch on the ground. "Should we… stop?"
A Divine Official chomped on celestial popcorn. "Nah. This is hilarious."
Let's continue.
The sky roared with thunder.
DING! Tyrant Physique has been acquired.
Chunhe paused. His crazed smile widened. "That's right… I finally—"
Tyrant Physique Activation Requirements:
Defeat a martial artist of equal level or higher. Bathe in the blood of a hundred defeated foes. Endure an entire night naked under an ice pool. Asura fruit (3). Struck by lightning: red (1), purple (2), yellow (3), blue (5). Be a virgin for 100 years. Participate in a war. Get beaten 1,000 times a day or die three times.
Chunhe's soul left his body.
Thunder boomed across the sky as he dropped to his knees, eyes hollow.
"Heaven… System…" The words left him in barely a whisper.
"Can't we talk about this?"
Thunder boomed.