"Are you staring at my breasts?"
The question that wakes me up is the same question that has woken me up in the past. The past? I should say the same question that has always woken me up.
I hold back my tears as much as I possibly can.
The last time I saw her, she was—
"Kiyomi? That's your name, right? You've been staring blindly at my chest for quite a while now. I asked at first as a joke, but I'm starting to think that you're some type of pervert, seriously. I guess the rumors are true…"
"Pfft, hahahahaha." I laugh. I laugh so hard that I cry. I'm not crying just because I'm laughing, though. I'm also crying because this is too much to handle. But also because this is the same Olympia that I know. No—The same Olympia that I once knew. I can't pretend that this Olympia and the Olympia I once knew are the same person. I know that, but—
Is there much of a difference between the two?
The first Olympia I met thinks I'm an absolute coward. She probably hates my guts. Disgusted by the pathetic sight that I once was. No—That I ended up being. That other me is dead. He can't become anything better.
The second Olympia I met was the one that I grew to fall in love with. She brought me out of my shell. She taught me that even someone as pitiful as me can find happiness through others. She's gone now. Unlike me, she'll never come back. Will… Will I one day forget her? A tightness begins to wrap around my chest at the thought of forgetting her. I can't let that happen.
The third Olympia I've met—I mean—the third Olympia I have yet to meet is standing right in front of me. Wait? Standing right in front of me? Shit.
"Disgusting pervert! I didn't know how obscene you could be! I knew that you were the quiet type who tends to spend his time alone, but I didn't know that you could spend five whole minutes staring at a woman's breast who's only a few feet away from you! I used to think so low of you, and now I view you even worse!" she exclaims.
"Wait, wait, wait! I wasn't staring at your breast! I mean, I was, but I wasn't exactly staring. I was lost in thought, and your chest just so happened to be right in front of me. Wait a second… I've been here for a while already. That means you positioned yourself precisely for your breast to be right in front of me. If anyone is the pervert here, it's you!"
"Having to resort to calling a woman a pervert to deflect how scummy you are. You're the worst… I'm not a pervert. If I walked into a room with a man getting undressed, I'd look away," she claims, with the most smug face that's ever been made.
"You know, that's what a normal person would do…"
"Really? I thought that was an act of nobility?"
We share a laugh.
Our first laugh together.
Is it childish that I acknowledged this?
I don't care.
From what I know of the previous Olympias, she's fine with engaging in childish banter.
As long as it's entertaining.
As long as it makes us happy.
I won't go too much into detail about how our first conversation played out. It went rather similarly to our previous conversation about happiness.
Olympia still desires happiness. More specifically, she desires a life where she can be happy with happy.
She doesn't want to feel only happiness.
She wants to experience all sorts of emotions.
Joy.
Despair.
Anger.
Jealousy.
Fear.
Hate.
Love.
Anything that she possibly can.
We're observers, after all.
She doesn't want to limit herself while she experiences this thing we call life.
She wants to be certain that she is human.
Therefore, she will behave as a human would. As a human should.
Not everyone lives their life with open arms.
Some want to avoid all that is bad.
Not her, though.
She's the most human human there is.
If anyone knows everything, I'd say that person would be her. She knows what it means to truly live, and that is everything.
If I'm being entirely honest, I'm jealous.
Jealous of how human she is.
One day, I hope I can be as human as she is.
One day.
Some day.
I'll know what it means to be human.
Until that day comes, I'd like to spend my time surrounded by those who help me feel.
Feel what?
Feel anything.
Feel everything.
Feel as if it's okay for me to live, to exist.
Olympia, I may not have been able to save the previous you, but if you'll let me, I'd like to spend my entire existence with you.
Until we become a far-off memory.
"Kiyo?"
"Hm? What did you call me?"
"S-Sorry. I don't know why I called you that. It just felt right. I'm sorry if I offended you. We've only just become acquainted, I shouldn't be stepping over boundaries."
"No! I mean, it's okay. You can call me that if you'd like. I wouldn't mind. Matter of fact, I'd be happier if you called me that more often."
She smiles.
A genuine smile.
"Okay then, Kiyo. By the way, would you want to hang out again? I was thinking—"
"How about we spend time together at the park?" I cut her off.
She looks surprised by my directness. Did I just creep her out?
"Pfft. Sure. The park would be nice. I didn't expect you to be so eager to hang out with me. We've just met, after all. How about the park that is closest to here? I think its name is—"
"Ah, I know which one you're talking about," I cut her off once more. Now that I think about it, I'm being rather rude. I hope she doesn't take offense at me and still thinks that I'm just eager to hang out with her.
"Then it's settled. The two of us will meet there at 3:00 P.M. Is that fine?"
"Sounds good to me. How about we exchange contact, too?"
"I was just about to ask," replies Olympia.
We exchanged contacts, and in the corner of my eye, I saw that Olympia had made my contact name Kiyo. I can't help but smile.
"Tomorrow it is," says Olympia. "I'll bring some food for us to snack on. Well, until we meet again. Ciao ciao."
She says goodbye in her way. Did she say bye like that the last time we first spoke? I mean, did the previous Olympia say goodbye like that the first time she and I went our separate ways?
I can't remember.
I feel disappointed in myself for my inability to remember such a simple fact.
I didn't think that my last life would be my last.
But even if this life won't be my last, I'll cherish every moment of it.
I do hope that this current life of mine will be my life.
I've grown too tired of living already.