'What day is it now? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... eight. My eighth day in this world, huh?'
I have officially survived a week in this new world. Well, survived is a strong word, but I felt like it fit.
I make a wry smile as that realization hits me. This week was so full of events that it felt like a month instead.
'But, well, that's a prerequisite when you have almost died in that week, and slowly at that.'
Without me noticing, my thoughts drifted off to my previous world. My expression turned sad, remembering everything that I left behind.
'Ah, how much I miss... our goddamn toilets! Showers too! There are no microwaves to heat up food, there are no fridges to keep it cold, it's a nightmare! So many conveniences gone! So many things I have to relearn! It sucks!'
I grit my teeth with an angry expression. It is normally omitted in Isekai, but living in a medieval world was completely different from a modern one.
The toilets smell, the best alternative to showering is a bathtub that ends up dirty once you finish washing yourself. Water isn't always readily available, so anything to do with it gets just that more annoying.
But the worst one was―
"I'm so freaking bored!"
I couldn't chat with friends, couldn't watch videos, couldn't play games, I couldn't even listen to music!
Sure, I had a lot of things to do... but I had to do them, not wanted to. I kept getting bored, and there was nothing to keep me constantly occupied.
Throughout this week, I had numerous moments where I just stared at the wall in silence, not wanting to do anything. I basically resorted to watching paint dry! That's how bad my boredom sometimes got!
'Sniff, sniff. I miss my old world so much.'
I wipe away my nonexistent tears.
...As those silly little thoughts about convinience slowly disappeared from my mind, a big surge of emptiness followed.
The emptiness was so vast, that I couldn't help but... ignore it.
I didn't smile, but I didn't frown either. I just ignored it, almost like it never existed.
I would act normally, think normally, feel normally. I would still get angry, still get sad, still get happy and still get excited, but I would not allow the emptiness to impact my emotions.
And just like that, with the emptiness hidden away in the darkest depths of my heart, I sat down on the bed.
'Welp, time to start another peaceful day.'
I smiled... and then molded the smile to be better.
***
"How about it, wanna go hunting?"
I almost spit the water I was drinking at that completely out of nowhere question.
Nevertheless, I manage to keep calm enough to swallow it and then turn to Jagon with a bewildered expression.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Yes... and no."
I stare at him, the stare slowly turning into a glare.
"Don't look at me like that, will ya? Yes, you are completely unprepared. Yes, you will be nothing more than dead weight. Yes, you will probably get hurt severly..."
I waited for him to finish the sentence... but he never did.
'Really? That's the oldest trick in the book, you bastard. You really think it's gonna work on me?'
The only reason he didn't finish his sentence, was not because there was nothing good about joining the hunt, it was because... Jagon was Jagon.
It was just in his character to be this mischievous big hulk of muscle.
'I still can't grasp the fact that he's a mage.'
"What you want to say is that the best way to get experience is in the field itself, right? Even if you train me more, the best way to be a hunter is to hunt, training will not replace experience."
Jagon nodded with a smirk.
"Right. I knew you'd get it."
I pondered it for a bit.
On one hand... I didn't feel like I was prepared enough. I had to learn how to use a dagger better, Jagon had not given me any tips on how to make traps yet, I couldn't even make myself stronger with Body-Strengthening.
On the other hand... so what? I was confident Jagon was not going to let me die, so it's not like I was risking my life. Sure, I could get wounded, but Angelica would heal me. In the end... there were no risks to be worried about.
'Besides, there's no other way to beat my trauma other than facing it.'
Trauma was a vile thing. I had a lot of experience with it, and as such I had become familiar with how to fight it, but the process would not be easy, quite the opposite, actually.
So no matter how I felt, the logical thing to do was to try and hunt.
"Sure, I'll do it. I'll have to ask you to accompany me though, I'm not confident I can do it otherwise."
"Of course. Angelica wouldn't allow me not to accompany you, my personal opinion here doesn't really hold weight."
Angelica didn't react to those words of his. I wasn't really surprised, as I had already glimpsed into the character of the two of them.
Their relationship seemed to be very weird. It felt like the authority figure in the house constantly changed, depending on the situation. It was unstable... but in a good way. Flexible would be the better way to say it, I guess.
"When are we going then? I don't really have anything to prepare... but my mind would at least like some time to recuperate."
He rubbed his chin in thought.
"I would like it to be as soon as possible, considering that the hunt should've actually been yesterday, instead. I wanted you to be that little bit more ready, so I gave you one more day than normal."
'You bastard. Making my guilty conscience awaken like this.'
"Well, if I'm already holding everything back, then I can't really ask for much time, can I? Give me... 15 minutes."
He raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Then I guess you'll have to wait for us instead. We'll only be ready in about one hour. Gathering everyone is not a task to be done in a short amount of time, after all."
My brow twitched in anger.
'This bastard... then why did he ask me in the first place?! I'm not a girl who gets ready for two hours straight! Wait... was that an overly complicated insult?'
As I pondered the surprising complexity of that one sentence, I went back to my room. If I was going to hunt... I would need something to wipe my mouth.
***
I was standing alongside Jagon, who in turn was standing opposite of a mob of people. Most of them were men, but there were a couple of women in there as well.
'So these are hunters... ain't there a bit much of them?'
This was probably about half of the village's population, if not more. It was quite bizarre to see so many people in ordinary peasant clothing all getting ready to hunt dangerous beasts.
If I had no context, I would've thought they were planning to hunt a witch, not monsters.
'Ah, but... who the hell is that guy?'
There was one very normal man standing in the croud. He had a normal expression, normal clothes, a normal weapon. Everything about him was normal, and he didn't stand out at all from the rest of the croud.
But that was what anyone else besides me would've said. To me, this random guy was not normal at all. After all... he oozed madness.
Madness was something I had become so close to, that I had come to recognize it. Of course, it's not like I was mad ― yet, at least ― but I had brushed sides with madness, and as a result, have come to be able to distinguish it from everything else.
Wherever there was madness, I could sense it, no matter how well hidden or what form it took. It was a weird quirk I had come to have. A superhuman quirk, an inhuman one, even.
I could sense madness in humans, of course, but it was not limited to that. Objects, places... even words were not out of the question.
So the fact that I could sense madness from a random person... left me disturbed. I didn't show it, of course, but I made a mental note to keep my sights on this random man.
'Well, I can slowly sense madness emanating from myself, as well. It's faint but it's there. I say... give it four years and I'll be completely mad.'
Of course, that was only in the case that I continued to be in such a bad mental state, which was unlikely all things considered, but it was not impossible. That possibility had a chance of happening, and as such, I was worried about it and couldn't ignore it completely.
'But I'm going off topic. Let's refocus on the present for now.'
I put away all of my previous thoughts and looked at Jagon. He was serious, for once, and his eyes had a certain glint to them. He... almost looked threatening right now.
But then, suddenly, he smiled widely. The glint in his eyes stayed, and combined with the smile, he almost looked crazed right now.
He raised his hand high.
"Hunt!"
The hunters raised their weapons with smiles on their faces.
"""HUNT! HUNT! HUNT!"""
'Uwawawa, it's not just Jagon, all people in this village are crazy, crazy I say.'
I uncosciously reeled back from the loud noise. I still mantained my calm expression and didn't put my hands over my ears, even though I really wanted to.
They continued chanting and after not too long, Jagon lowered his hand and pointed at the forest.
"Hunt!"
Immediately, the group of people stopped shouting and instead ran into the forest. By the time they actually entered it, they had somehow managed to split up into cohorts, with people in correct positions. Honestly, I was pretty surprised at their coordination. They looked and acted like brutes, but they were actually really well trained... and well experienced, of course.
As soon as they disappeared from view, Jagon looked at me.
"Well? What did you think?"
I looked at him with a smile.
"It hurts."
At that, he laughed.
"It does, doesn't it? I might go deaf with enough time, actually. But it gets them pumped, so it's worth it."
Jagon had a small smile on his face as he looked into the forest. For the first time since I met him, I could see a pinch of sadness in his expression.
That sadness disappeared very soon though. He slapped me on the back with an overexaggerated smile.
"Now, come on! What are you waiting for? Don't tell me you're getting cold feet now of all times."
I didn't pay attention to his words and calmly started walking in the direction of the forest. With each step, I could feel my legs wavering and weakening.
I stopped just in front of the forest.
'Now the hard part.'
I took a deep breath and stepped foot on the forest's turf. I took another step, and another, and then carefully sat down.
Jagon raised his eyebrow, confused.
"What are you doing? Why did you stop?"
I looked at him, sweat slowly forming on my face. I tried to sound as calm as possible, but my voice still came out slightly shaky.
"Did I not tell you? I have trauma of this forest. I almost died here for pancakes' sake. Not only that, but I struggled for one and a half days, most of the time spent with severe wounds and no water. I could've probably taken another step, but then I would've just unceremoniously fallen down on my butt."
He widened his eyes.
"Right. I didn't consider it much since you acted so normally, but the state I found you in was quite dire. Considering that your life before this was pretty tame, it's no surprise this forest left such a gruesome impression on you."
I nodded. It was nice talking to people who were quick to catch on.
"Please wait a bit."
I closed my eyes and focused on myself. I was... in a very bad state right now.
Sweat was forming all over my body, my breathing was starting to become frantic, I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest, and I could only barely control every single muscle in my body.
I was feeling unparalleled fear, and I was being controlled by it. No emotion besides fear existed in my mind, and it was only becoming more and more intense.
'Welp, time to start.'
Fear was a strong thing, but it was not almighty. Even if only temporarily, dealing with it was possible, and that was exactly what I was going to do.
I took a deep breath... and allowed the emptiness I have hidden away deep inside my heart to swallow me whole.
―Immediately I could feel myself wanting to cry. I managed to stop myself from crying, but it took all of my willpower to do that.
'...Why? What did do? I don't deserve this treatment, I have done nothing wrong. I have... tried so hard, I have done so much. My life was just starting to have colors again. ...Why? It makes no sense. ...It makes no Goddamn sense!'
My hands curled into fists and I gritted my teeth. I could feel anger burning inside my soul.
'I finally beat my social anxiety! I finally started trusting people again! I started going to school! I started getting good grades! I started making friends! Life was just start to look up... and now THIS?! Being unfairly thrust into another world! Having everything taken away from me! In whose stupid mind is this fair?!'
Anger turned into fury, and fury turned into wrath. The scorching wrath in my heart started burning away even the fear that was taking hold of it.
'Damn it! Damn all of it! I hate everything! I hate everyone! I will not allow something like this to happen again! NEVER! I will become strong! So strong that no one will be able to take away my happiness again! Nothing will stand in my way! Not this stupid forest, not the stupid wolves, not even the person who summoned me to this world! It doesn't matter if it's God or if it's some eldritch horror, nothing will take away my happiness ever again!'
I stood up with a calm expression and a calm demeanor. I have not been molding my face the past week for nothing, if a normal person looked at me right now, they wouldn't see anything wrong with me.
Jagon though... Jagon was different. That bastard could clearly see the burning anger I was hiding.
He was looking at me with horror and pity in his eyes.
"That... cannot be good for you."
I shrugged.
"Well, whether I like it or not, this is the only way for me to move forward. Now let's go, my anger is not infinite, it will burn away with time."
I was trying my best to supress my anger... but my fists were itching to punch something.
***
I threw up on the ground, wiped my mouth with a handkerchief and looked at the sleeping bear I wanted to kill. Surprisingly, the bear looked like a normal bear, even though this was a different world.
"Are you sure you're fine? You've thrown up three times already."
Jagon's worried voice resounded from behind me. I didn't look at him, keeping my full focus on the bear.
"Don't worry, this is just the side effect of ignoring my trauma. I can still do it. Or I will try, at least. If this guy is tougher than I expect him to be, then I'm going to fail."
I wasn't sure why the bear was sleeping out in the open, but I didn't care much, all I cared was how I was going to take advantage of that.
Unluckily, the bear was sleeping with paws over its neck. If the neck was exposed, it would've been a one hit kill. Still, I wasn't going to complain.
I tightly gripped the dagger in my hands and slowly started creeping up to the bear. I made sure to make as little noise as possible and go in the opposite direction of the wind. That way, the bear wouldn't be able to notice my smell.
As I got close enough for the bear to be in hands reach, it slowly started stirring awake. It noticed me.
'Sorry big guy. Too late.'
I stabbed it in the eye. Unfortunately, I couldn't pierce the bear's tough skull, so the dagger didn't go all the way to the brain. Still, this was within my expectations.
Before the bear could even open its mouth to scream, I stabbed the second eye, making the bear blind.
Then, a loud scream shook the world. I could feel myself slightly disoriented from how loud it was, but I quickly recovered and jumped back.
The bear stood up onto its four legs and attacked the spot where I was just moments prior.
Without letting the bear get any respite, I took a rock out of my pocket and threw it at the bear.
It reacted and attacked the spot where the rock hit it, but I was already long gone from there.
I circled around the bear, and attacked its neck from the opposite side.
The bear was still distracted by the rock, so it was slow to react to the sound of my footsteps. Still, it managed to move just enough for my dagger to pierce its body and not its neck.
'Tch.'
I jumped back, dodging the bear's retaliating strike once again. I wanted to end the fight with that attack, but I failed.
'But that's fine. I expected this.'
Preparing for the worst was something I did constantly, so I wasn't surprised that my attack didn't kill it, only slightly annoyed.
I took another rock out of my pocket and repeated the same attack. It failed again, but that was fine.
I threw another rock and judged the bear's reaction. It completely ignored it.
By now, it seemed to ignore the rocks completely, only focusing on the sound of my footsteps.
'Footsteps, huh? Bad choice.'
I bent my legs and prepared for a jump. I took multiple rocks out of my pocket... and threw them at the ground in quick succession.
The bear reacted to the sound of footsteps and attacked. I was in the air in a completely different direction though, so I just calmly stabbed the bear's neck.
Another scream shook the world, and this time around, I was a bit too slow to fully dodge its claws. A huge chunk of flesh was ripped from my right arm. In fact, I was pretty sure I could see my bones in the wound.
Nevertheless, after running away from the bear for a minute after that, it finally succumbed to its injuries.
I applied pressure to my wound to loose as little blood as possible and plopped down on the ground.
'Haa... That was scary.'
At this point, all my anger had ceased to exist and only fear remained. Well, two fears to be exact. The fear of the forest, and the fear of death. The only reason I was even able to finish the fight was because the fear of death suppressed the fear of the forest.
I took a deep breath and didn't even try to move. I allowed my limbs to grow weak and for my fear of death to recede.
My pupils narrowed and my quick breathing became erratic. My heart was already beating hard in my chest and I was already drenched in sweat, so that didn't change, but it was still painful.
"For pancakes'... sake."
I barely manage to shift my position enough to lay on my side, and then I threw up. I rolled away from the vomit to not get my hair drenched in it.
Eventually, Jagon emerged from behind a tree.
He looked down at me and clicked his tongue.
"You're pushing yourself too hard. What kind of person your age does this kind of stuff with such determination? While ignoring all the mental and physical scars along the way? At this point, I don't know whether to laugh at you or be impressed by you."
His words barely regestered in my mind though. I was too scared to hear him. This forest was full of scary things after all.
There are wolves that will eat you whole. There are orcs that make you afraid just by looking at them. There are cats that use mind tricks to make you let down your guard. There are poisonous rivers that are painful beyond belief.
And throughout all of that, there is no water to drink and no safety to be found.
Scary. All of it was so scary. All of it... was making me worry.
***
A soothing sensation spread throughout my arm, making the pain slowly go away.
Angelica was healing me with an angry expression.
"Seriously, you...! Why did you allow him to be so reckless, Jagon?!"
Jagon raises his hands in a defeated gesture.
"It wasn't my fault! He was the one who told me not to interfere!"
"And I'm telling you that you should've ignored him and interfered! Did you forget the reason you went with him in the first place?!"
I put my left hand between Jagon and Angelica to stop their feud.
"Please don't yell at him, Angelica. This time around, it was solely my decision. If you want to yell at someone, yell at me."
Angelica turned to me with an angry expression.
"Why did you do that, then?! Do you not realize that getting hurt is not alright?! A healer won't always be close by, you know?!"
'Oh, damn. Would you look at that, she actually started yelling at me. I really like her character.'
I smiled at her.
"But there was a healer close by, right? Trust me, I'm the type of person to always think thrice before doing something. If I do something, then I'm ready to bear the consequences."
'Heh, that's a nice pun.'
She looked at me, her anger nowhere near gone.
Then, she said something that I didn't expect at all.
"I'm not healing you again, then."
"Eh?"
"Eh?"
Both me and Jagon looked at her with dumbfounded expressions.
She looked me straight in the eyes.
"Well, if I'm always going to heal you, then you're just going to keep getting hurt, right? But if I don't, then you will be much more careful, since you know that injuries are something that you can't take lightly."
...Tch, she was right. Indeed, if I always make my plans with the idea that a healer is close by, I won't really care about injuries, as they would be able to be healed easily. But if I don't have a healer, I'll have to take extra precautions to not get hurt, since even a small cut would lower my body's efficiency.
'She's way too smart for my own good.'
Ah yeah, all of that is bad, since my pace of getting stronger will inevitably become slower because of this, but... why is the floor on fire?
Jagon seemed to notice the small flame as soon as I did, and immediately cast a spell that summoned a ball of water. It extinguished the fire.
He sighed and rubbed his temples.
"Yes, we understand, I'm sure Faun will take more care of himself now, but... Angelica, please don't talk while healing next time."
She covered her mouth with her hand in an "oops" gesture and focused on healing.
'...Huh. So that was not a figure of speech. Who would've thunk it?'