The classroom dims. A strange artifact levitates, humming softly. Then—
BAM!A floating projection appears with glittery transitions and Comic Sans text.
"Welcome to Cultivation 101: Because Surviving Isn't Optional."
The Slideshow Slide 1: What is Cultivation?
(Background: Yin-yang symbols overlaid with a bodybuilder and a wizard fist-bumping.)
Teacher started to explain "Cultivation is the art of not dying while trying to become a god. Mages and Martial Artists are also cultivators who use Qi in different ways. So don't be racist toward them; look the device we are right now is a developed my mages. An martial artist hummm.. they usually work as bodyguard or gatekeepers."
Slide 2: Three Paths, One Goal
# Path of the Body
-Martial Artists
-Punch boulders until the boulders cry
# Path of the Mind
-Mages
-Study until your brain leaks spells
# Path of the Soul
Shamans, weirdos, Sages
Slide 3:
Universal Rank Ladder
There are seven commonly recognized cultivation ranks across all paths—be it Martial Artists, Mages, or weirdos who do both. Here's the breakdown:
1. Initiate
"The Beginner's Luck"
You're new. You might trip over your own Qi. Even rabbits can beat you up.
2. Disciple
"Qi Intern"
You've got a tiny bit of power and a whole lot of optimism. Slightly less useless.
3. Adept
"Mid-tier Tryhard"
You finally understand your techniques. Might even win a duel... against another Adept.
4. Master
"Neighborhood Menace"
People start remembering your name. Kids might collect cards of you. Respect earned.
5. Grandmaster
"Mountain Puncher"
You can destroy small hills, win tournaments, and your enemies are afraid to say your name wrong.
6. Saint(Rare)
"Mythical Uncle"
You become a living legend. Saints are admired, feared, and often lonely due to their power.
7. Transcendent
"Literally Floating"
Reality bends around you. You float, glow, and speak in cryptic metaphors. Birds land on your shoulder just because.
"And no, mixing fire magic and martial arts won't make you cool. It'll just get your hair burned off."
Same Night
At midnight, Agnes woke up. It was dark outside. It was the night of the new moon. Still half asleep, he got up and headed to the toilet.
He couldn't comprehend anything around him, yet he kept moving forward. Scratching his balls, he proceeded to smell his hands. He stretched his body and yawned.
Assassins roamed around the sect as if searching for something. They could see in the dark due to their profound use of Qi. However, Agnes was in a hypnopompic state, hallucinating—seeing, feeling, and hearing things that weren't there.
He saw a young woman who, from her appearance, resembled a demoness. A motherly warmth filled his body. He was about to cry but resisted.
"Hey, Big Sister, who are you? And most of all, what are you doing in the male dorm?" Agnes asked curiously—to nobody.
Then, she disappeared into thin air. Agnes was puzzled. Suddenly, he smelled something familiar—his childhood. As he was processing this, he saw another girl. She was familiar to him. It was Lily. She leaned close to his ear and whispered, "Sorry... and I love you." Then, she too disappeared.
"Why are you here? I heard you were supposed to go to some magic sect," Agnes asked—again, to nobody.
Then, he froze in fear. A chill ran down his spine. He couldn't move. The scent of blood and rain filled the air. He saw a little girl.
He remembered her. She was the girl he had mistakenly saved in his previous life. She ran toward him, trying to reach him with her hands—but she couldn't.
Why couldn't she reach him? you may ask. The reason was the red creature. It was gripping her in its hands—the same creature he had seen during a rainfall with Lily.
Then, they disappeared too. A scent struck his mind. It was the same scent he had smelled before his death.
Then—he was attacked from behind. The assassins knocked Agnes out before proceeding with their search for the item.
As he lay unconscious, Agnes started dreaming—but he still had to go to the toilet. In his dream, he was in a dark room.
To his right was a source of light—a glowing man with hollow black eyes. He was chained to a throne by chains of roses, blood gushing from his eyes.
To his left was an enormous, beautiful bed. On that bed lay the same red demon, sleeping naked. It was disturbing. Above the red demon, a beautiful white-haired princess was hanging by a rope from the ceiling.
After seeing all this, Agnes had only one thought in his mind:Who knew scratching your balls and smelling your hands had its own consequences?
He tried to wake himself up—and succeeded. But when he woke up, he was standing in the middle of the sect's garden. The toilet was too far, so he decided to pee under a tree. However, when he opened his pants, his private part was glowing—glowing like the sun.
Agnes screamed loudly. His scream woke up the entire sect. The assassins, alerted by his scream, panicked. Agnes, also panicking, grabbed his "private weapon," but—one of his balls fell off.
The sect members became aware of the assassins. The whole sect was in chaos. Some assassins gathered toward the source of light, and the sect master did the same. Agnes, before things escalated further, ran away—leaving his ball behind. His face was full of tears as he shouted, "Don't worry! I will come for you!"
A massive battle broke out in the garden. People hurled enormous Qi-infused attacks at each other. People were flying in the sky and shit.
But Agnes had already lost another battle—he had peed his pants.
With an 'It is what it is' mindset, he went back to sleep.
The next day, Agnes woke up depressed—grieving his loss. In his moment of mourning, he changed his clothes. It was, after all, quite a significant loss for a thirteen-year-old boy.
Outside, a commotion stirred. People were engaged in discussion—but not about the assassins. Instead, they were talking about an unknown item found in the garden.
Agnes had a hunch about what this was all about. He rushed to the garden, where a huge crowd had gathered—around his lost ball. It looked like a festival; stalls were set up all around.
Nobles, royalty, mages, furri—wait, I mean beastmen—elves, martial artists, gnomes, giants, cultists, undead, vampires, and more had all gathered.
Agnes was amazed by the diversity.
With his small body, he weaved through the crowd to see what was happening to his "precious." It was still glowing with golden light.
Mages were investigating the"ball." One of them commented, "If this is a fruit, it is meant to be eaten."
Agnes was genuinely terrified by that statement. He turned to a random person in front of him. This person had small wings instead of ears and two large ears on his back.
Ignoring this oddity, Agnes frowned in disgust as he saw his ball being mistaken for a mythical relic. He turned to the winged-eared girl and asked, "Miss, why are they looking at this thing so seriously? Is it rare?"
The lady smirked. "Ohh! Ugly little boy, let me educate you."
She gulped before explaining, "This item is emitting vast amounts of Qi energy—a special type of Qi, to be precise. And it is glowing gold, which means it's a gold-tier item. Let me tell you—there are only five golden-tier items in this universe. We know the whereabouts of three of them, but two were lost in history."
Agnes revolted and asked, "If they know what it is, what's the point of analyzing it?"
The lady explained, "Golden-tier items have their own set of abilities."
Suddenly, a commotion erupted. "Look! A UFO!" someone shouted. "No, it's just an airship!" another corrected.
Everyone turned to look at the sky.
The airship landed in front of them. Someone stepped out.