Fugaku Uchiha's wedding was a grand affair.
After all, the Uchiha Clan was the strongest in Konoha at the time. All the major clans sent representatives to offer their congratulations, and even the Third Hokage sent a gift. Of course, the Shimura Clan was absent—Danzō's attitude toward the Uchiha remained identical to the Second Hokage's: "The evil Uchiha, I'll eat all your food!"
Just imagining that scene was oddly satisfying.
In the ninja world, weddings were conducted swiftly, following established rituals. Fugaku's wedding was no exception. The ceremony included purification rites, the recitation of blessings, the three offerings ritual, the exchange of vows and rings, the offering of sacred branches, and a toast by the family members.
Then came the banquet, where the newlyweds made various toasts to their guests.
Kazuyama Gekkō had been waiting for this moment. He and Pakura stood to the side, waiting until Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha arrived.
Pakura took Mikoto's hand.
"Congratulations, Mikoto."
"Hehe, thanks, Pakura."
As the two beautiful women embraced, Kazuyama and Fugaku engaged in an intense staring contest. Their gazes locked, but in the end, Kazuyama couldn't hold out any longer. He quickly looked away and sighed in defeat.
"I must be sick, competing with you Uchiha in staring contests. I'm just asking for trouble."
Fugaku laughed heartily, clearly pleased with his victory.
"Here, I've got a wedding gift for you," Kazuyama said. "I'm telling you, this is an exclusive item! You won't find it anywhere in Konoha—not even the Hokage has the honor!"
With that, he opened the box he had brought and pulled out two bottles of wine wrapped in red cloth.
Fugaku took one, inspecting it with curiosity.
"What is this? Wine? Why is it wrapped in cloth?"
He quickly tore off the covering—then froze.
"Wha... what the hell is this?!" His voice, filled with surprise, was loud enough to draw the attention of nearby guests. One after another, they turned to look, only to freeze in place as well.
Kazuyama grinned. "You've never seen this before, huh? Let me tell you—this is snake wine! Personally brewed by yours truly."
"A powerful tonic! I guarantee a happy and loving married life!"
"Don't worry, I've handled everything properly. These are cobras, silver-ringed snakes, and pit vipers—they sound dangerous, but who am I? I'm a disciple of Orochimaru! I've completely neutralized their venom and turned it into medicinal properties. It's nourishing!"
"The best part? I caught these snakes from a hidden treasure trove. They're one of a kind in the world!"
Behind him, the three young shinobi who had been watching instantly took a step back. The wine didn't look very... appetizing.
Fugaku's mouth twitched uncontrollably. Meanwhile, Kazuyama, completely unfazed, happily removed the red cloth from the second bottle.
"But that bottle of wine still needs to soak for a while, so I got you this instead!"
"My exclusive medicinal wine, made by Kazuyama!"
"It's just as nourishing! And it's all about tonifying the kidneys! I guarantee you'll have a son within a year of marriage!"
"What do you say, Fugaku? Your brother's being nice to you, isn't he?"
"I'll tell you what—if that guy Minato ever gets married, I'll get him a bottle too!"
Kazuyama had been in the spotlight for a while now, having completed several major missions, and many people knew of him. Seeing him in action today was truly something else.
Giving someone medicinal wine on their wedding day… The way his mind worked was just different.
"I really... thank you..."
Fugaku's hands trembled slightly as he held the wine.
"Hahaha! What a bond! If anything ever feels off with your body, just let me know—I'll make sure you get the best tonic!"
Kazuyama held back a grin and patted his chest, making his pledge.
Fugaku couldn't take it anymore.
"You bastard! I'm not weak!"
"I'm very strong! I don't need your damn wine! I can have a son next year too!"
The three tomoe in his Sharingan appeared and began to spin. It was clear he was seeing red and was about to explode.
"Huh? I was only being kind. I carefully selected all the medicinal herbs myself, and I even went out of my way to catch the snakes," Kazuyama said with an innocent look. If Fugaku didn't know him well, he might've actually believed him.
"Hmph! You bastard! You did this on purpose, didn't you?"
"Who gives medicinal wine in public?!"
"Hmph! Whatever, it's my wedding day. I won't hold it against you!"
"Mikoto, let's go! I've had enough of this jerk's wine!"
Fugaku was furious. It wasn't that medicinal wine was a bad gift—but the fact that this idiot had the audacity to present it at a wedding!
As Fugaku turned to leave, Kazuyama quickly shoved the bottle into his arms.
"Take it with you! It's absolutely effective!"
Fugaku shot him a murderous glare before walking off to toast the other guests—two bottles of medicinal wine now in his arms.
Pakura stepped forward, her small hand suddenly pressing against Kazuyama's waist.
"Agh!" He let out a yelp of pain and jumped in place.
"Pakura, what are you doing?!"
"That hurts!"
"Who did you learn that from?!"
Kazuyama rubbed his waist, still feeling the sting, and stared at her in horror.
Had she been possessed or something?! Why was he suddenly being tortured?!
"Hmph, tell me, who gives medicinal wine as a wedding gift?"
"You're bad enough."
Kazuyama laughed.
"What's wrong with medicinal wine? It's a heartfelt gift too. I even went to Ryūchi Cave just to catch these snakes. That place is one of the three great sacred lands, and each of these snakes is priceless!"
Pakura shot him a look, her expression utterly speechless.
"I think you're just trying to annoy people, not give them gifts."
"I actually learned this trick from Kushina and Mikoto. Looks like it works pretty well."
Kazuyama instantly deflated. It was true—dealing with these three women was a challenge in itself. Kushina and Mikoto were already close friends, and now Pakura was part of the mix too.
Life was going to be tough from now on.
"By the way, Pakura, what did you get Mikoto as a gift?"
"Mugs. I bought them as a set."
"Hey, not bad, not bad!"
"Huh? Why are you smiling like that? What's wrong with mugs?"
"Think about it. I gave them wine, and you gave them mugs. That means they'll be drinking my wine from your mugs. Incredible teamwork!"
Pakura's eyes widened.
She thought to herself, What the hell is wrong with this guy's brain? How does he even make these connections?
Are all intelligence agents mentally unstable?
Jiraiya: I...
Kazuyama: What the hell, intelligence agents? You're the least reliable of the bunch! Now tell me—who are one of the three great Konoha vices again?!
(100 Chapters Ahead)
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