By then, I was filled with fear and sadness. Still, I promised myself that I would stick by my marriage, no matter what. I hoped we could find the happiness we once had. Alexander showed me love when he was sober and in public. It gave me a bit of hope.
But at home, things were different. Alexander's behavior was getting worse. His mood swings came out of nowhere, and I was always scared I might do something to set him off.
One morning, while Alexander left for work like usual, my day changed suddenly. I answered the door and found divorce papers waiting for me. I felt both grief and relief. I had always been my own person, so starting over didn't scare me.
A part of me still cared for Alexander, but I knew his behavior was getting more violent. I spent the day confused, trying to understand what was happening to him.
When Alexander got home, I met him outside. I felt safer there with our neighbors around than being alone in the house with him. He got out of his car, smiling and waving at everyone. He threw his arm around me, kissed me, and we walked around the yard, looking at the plants.
I could feel our neighbors watching, thinking we had the perfect life. I had learned to handle Alexander's moods, acting just the way he wanted. But inside, I was scared and desperate.
As Alexander led me to the front door, I felt a wave of fear hit me. I knew what was coming as soon as we were alone. When the door shut behind us, everything changed. Alexander snapped.
He pushed me down to the floor. For an hour, he threw out wild accusations at me. He brought up things from my past and twisted them to fit his crazy story.
It was like I was numb. His words hurt a lot. He recalled things with such detail, using them to attack me. He wouldn't let me get up and stood over me, shouting awful names and claims.
He said my school successes were because of my principal and that my job was thanks to cheating and favors. The list just went on and on with crazier things.
As I listened to him, I could see he was losing it. It wasn't just him being controlling anymore, it was downright insane. I was scared. I felt trapped in a nightmare.
Finally, he stopped and told me I had three days to get out. Then he just walked away, leaving me broken.
No one could really understand what I felt at that moment. But thanks to my past, I found a way to deal with my family and muster up strength to face whatever came next.
After crying for an hour, I started to pull myself together. I knew Alexander's three-day deadline was real. Our short marriage taught me that defying him had serious consequences. What scared me the most was how he could get back at me without anyone noticing. Everyone thought our marriage was perfect because of his charm.
I felt completely trapped. I had no one to talk to. If I told anyone the truth, they wouldn't believe me. Alexander seemed like a caring husband in public. I worried that if I opened up, people would think I was the crazy one.
As I faced the reality of my situation, I saw how much he had manipulated me. He had cut me off from my old friends and stopped me from making new ones. The only thing I had left was my car.
With nowhere to go and just three days to leave, I started packing. Alexander wasn't around, and I knew he wouldn't be until I was gone. My thoughts were all over the place, and I felt crushed. But somehow, I managed to load my car.
I grabbed a few things that mattered most: photo albums, my high school yearbook, some old glassware, a camera, and a few kitchen tools. After I packed my clothes, the car was so full it was almost overflowing.
I didn't think to pack during the day. Instead, I worked at night, not knowing what would happen next.