"I'm sorry, Mom."
"Hello."
"Son, have you eaten yet?"
"Not yet. I'm about to order something soon."
"Is this your place?"
"Yeah."
"It's the weekend, so we're going out to have some fun."
"These days, where do you even go to have fun?"
Truth is, there's someone I like.
"It's fine as long as you wear a mask. Since I've been discharged, I should probably get a girlfriend."
"Well, you need someone like that to make it work."
"I think a lot of girls like our son because he's cool."
He's cute.
I pretend not to notice, but I have a lot of affection for him.
A little on the skinny side, but with big breasts,
and slightly taller than his mother.
She's smart, and she seems to like me a lot.
Maybe she's the one Mom would approve of too.
"If you go back to school and then to college, you'll either find someone or you won't. You don't have to force yourself to get a girlfriend."
"Well, you know how it is… Just don't surprise me later by bringing grandchildren over without their mother's knowledge."
"Ah, I'm not getting married, so that's not going to happen."
"Kids these days all say that, but then they end up doing it anyway."
I'm sorry.
I can't get married.
"I'm not going to move out. I'll just live with my mom and spend the rest of my life hibernating through winters."
"When you were in high school, you frowned every day, saying you wanted to live alone. Why did you become more of a homebody as you grew up?"
"Ever since I came back from the army, Mom's home-cooked meals have been too good to leave behind."
The sound of my mother giggling on the phone.
Parents always say they know everything about their children,
but I'm so glad that's not true.
"Anyway, I'm staying over at your aunt's place tonight, so make sure you have dinner."
"Okay."
"I'll be back tomorrow for lunch, so don't forget to have breakfast and stay warm."
"Got it."
I hung up the phone.
How long should I keep hiding my feelings?
If I don't get caught, will the guilt eventually go away?
"…Brother."
The door opened, and my brother peeked out.
The jet-black Locati I always see him in.
Dolphin-print pants that change color every time.
I'm fully aware of how ridiculous his outfit is, and it makes me cringe just thinking about it.
"What is it?"
"I wanted to listen to the phone call."
"It was Mom."
"What did she say?"
"She mentioned she's staying over at Auntie's tonight."
"So she's not coming back?"
"Yeah."
Naturally, my brother plopped down on the couch next to me.
No physical contact.
Just the right amount of distance—close enough to feel connected but not too close.
That distance was perfect for us.
"…Hey."
"Fair."
It should've been like this all along.
"You're heavy. Move over."
"No."
His long hair brushed against my knees.
I wonder why he always uses other people's legs as pillows.
Seriously, isn't there enough space?
"I'd rather lie on my back."
"Does my brother like feet more than heads?"
"Don't talk nonsense."
The playful skinship between siblings who still get along.
Brothers and sisters who care about each other.
"…Move over before I start messing with you."
"Do whatever you want."
What we're doing is just teasing and joking around.
So all I do is retaliate lightly.
I blow air gently into his ear.
Normally, he'd scream and squirm, but this time he just shivered.
"…"
"Hey."
"…Do whatever you want."
His ears turned red.
Without realizing it, I swallowed hard.
When I touched his ear gently, it was warm, matching the color.
"…Winter Kim."
"…What?"
"What are you having for dinner?"
"…What do you mean?"
"Do you want to go out to eat?"
I keep playing along
because it's too intense.
Because it's overwhelming.
I feel like I can't stop.
"…Do whatever you want."
There are things in this world you can't do as you please.
I didn't realize that until last summer, four months ago.
"Do you want dumplings with kalguksu or soup?"
"Neither of us is in the mood for that."
"What kind of mood do you need to eat with your brother?"
"My brother doesn't understand the feelings of a delicate high school girl at all."
"You're an adult once you've finished the college entrance exam."
"Haven't you graduated yet?"
"Okay, so what do you want to eat?"
Winter is coming.
"…Anything's fine."
Knowing this feeling—
"If we eat together."
I'll never regret it.