Rangiku made her way to the front, cup in hand. "Everyone sit down so we can get to the lesson, but please continue to enjoy your drinks… or enjoy Jack, I guess I should say. Nemu, set it up," she commanded.
There was a moment of darkness before the projector screen illuminated the room.
"Pimping 101?" Kukaku read aloud. A 'you've-got-to-be-shitting-me' expression was plastered on her face.
"It's a very important skill to have. If you shut up for a minute you might learn something." Ignoring Kukaku's obvious disbelief, Matsumoto began the class.
Week 7: Yoruichi Shihoin and Shunsui Kyoraku
Mission: Pimping 101 – Yoruichi's Father
Day 1
Kukaku grinned like a Cheshire Cat as she sipped her new favorite drink, Jack on the rocks.
After Rangiku had finished the lesson, she'd pulled the fireworks expert to the side while the rest of the ladies got better acquainted with Mr. Daniels. The strawberry-blonde had a problem; no suitable mission could be concluded for this particular pairing. No one had suspected that the sex goddess would draw Shunsui, and it was pretty safe to assume there wasn't much the man was unwilling to do. She needed something that would challenge the Vice President of the SWSS and Kukaku was more than happy to assist.
"Ok, Vice President Shihoin," Rangiku paused and smiled wickedly at Kukaku. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it… and you better… is to get Captain Kyoraku to do everything listed here." She handed her friend a small piece of paper before backing away cautiously.
Yoruichi grinned like an idiot when she saw the list. 'This will be a piece of cake,' she thought, until Rangiku continued. "But, under no condition are you allowed to have sex."
Her jaw hit the floor. "WHAT?" She jumped from her seat, steam almost visibly coming from her ears. "How the hell am I supposed to do that?"
"Calm down," Rangiku huffed. "You're scaring Nel. And what do you mean 'how are you supposed to do it'? Use your womanly charms."
"You're a bitch. I know this was your idea," Yoruichi spat at her vulgarly dressed friend.
The usual party of four plus Lisa sat leisurely on Yoruichi's super-sized bed. Their hostess was obviously on a mission to destroy her liver in a single night. Nel lay barely conscious, her head in Kukaku's lap, completely unaware that her cleavage was being used as the Shiba leader's cup holder. The green-haired Arrancar let out a drunken giggle.
"Captain Kitty is maaad," she slurred as she reached up attempting to touch her pillow's nose.
"Don't blame me," Kukaku snapped, slapping Nel's hand away. "Blame Ran!"
"Whaaaa?" Rangiku screeched with wide eyes.
The raven-haired woman ignored her and redirected her attention to Nel. "And you, be still before you spill my drink."
Yoruichi glared at Rangiku who flinched slightly. "Don't be like that," the blonde whined, suddenly taking an interest in the cup being held securely in Nel's bosom. Why hadn't she ever thought of that? Brilliant! "You didn't think I'd make it easy for you, did you?" she asked absently as she carefully wedged her cup between her breasts.
The werecat snorted. "Yeah…but NO sex? That's a little extreme, don't you think?"
Each woman looked to the other before Lisa finally spoke up. "Well, you won't get any sympathy from me. I wish that had been my mission." She then engaged in her latest determined attempt to erase certain memories from her head. "On the other hand, while I've never actually had the pleasure, I've heard stories and seen things that would make your hair fall out. And not just on your head. Being Shunsui's lieutenant had its perks." She paused for a moment. "You know what they say about men with female Zanpakuto," she added as an afterthought.
Yoruichi groaned. "You're not helping, Lisa."
"What do they say?" Nel asked, suddenly interested.
"Well, it was Kukaku's idea," Rangiku piped up, finally securing the cup. She looked up gleefully just as a knock came at the window. Outside Sui-Feng regarded them all with a look of equal parts curiosity and condemnation. Nel bolted upright, spilling Kukaku's drink all over herself.
"What do they sayyyyy?" the former Espada whined.
"Goddammit, Nel," Kukaku yelled at the sight of her wasted liquor.
"She scared me," Nel complained, pointing to the tiny Second Squad captain standing outside the window. "Anyway, why don't you use your own? They're bigger than mine." She folded her arms across her bountiful bust, upset that no one would answer her question.
"No way in hell," Kukaku laughed.
Ignoring the bickering women, Sui-Feng addressed Yoruichi. "All the invitations have been delivered, just like you asked." She smiled the smile she only reserved for her beloved Lady Shihoin.
"Thanks. Want a drink?" the half-drunk noble asked, glancing back at Nel and Kukaku who were seconds away from stripping in order to decide whose boobs were bigger.
Without even considering the offer the tiny captain quickly declined. "No thank you, my Lady, I have other matters that require my attention." She didn't want to be there when they whipped those puppies out.
Yoruichi turned a very dark look on her. "Get in here," she commanded in a voice that left no room for argument.
Sui-Feng was through the window and on the bed with a cup in hand before you could say 'stalker'.
"Hey, Sui-Feng," Kukaku called. "Whose are bigger?"
"Wha…what?" she stammered, face heating up. Before she was forced to answer the ninja captain was saved by a still slightly irritated Yoruichi.
"Nel's are bigger, now shut up about it." Ignoring Neliel's groan of displeasure, she then turned to her former student. "And you… drink."
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