Richard woke to the dull hum of fluorescent lights. His eyes flickered open, scanning the sterile white room. The walls were blank, smooth, and featureless—too uniform to be real. Like an old television struggling to maintain a signal, a low static buzz filled the air. He looked around to see other seats where Rick and Morty are, 'What the fuck is going on?' he thought as a sudden recollection of memories hit him. He's minding his own business when those fuckers whatever their name is, came in hit me in my head koncking me out cold.
"This fucker are trying to mind fuck me? Haha, the joke's on them. Thanks to my ever-increasing IQ, I can not be affected by brain manipulation. I adapt and evolve faster than the speed at which it can scan my brain." Richard said coldly, 'I should probably free them too. It is the easiest route out of here is to make rick deal with them,' Richard said.
Richard cracked his neck as he stood up, shaking off the last remnants of whatever primitive knockout tech the Zigerions had used. His mind was already working, analyzing the environment with ruthless efficiency. Blank walls. Artificial lighting. Simulated air particles cycled at exactly 0.85-second intervals. 'I don't know who I got trapped in another one, this is troublesome.' He thought.
To his left, Rick groaned awake, rubbing his temples as if waking from a hangover. Morty stirred next, his eyes darting around in rising panic.
"W-Where are we? What's going on?!" Morty stammered.
Rick let out a tired sigh. "Ugh, classic Zigerions. God, these guys are the worst."
Zigerions. That explained everything. Richard had read about them in Rick's notes—galactic con artists obsessed with stealing intellectual property through simulations. Richard scoffed. "Simulated captivity? What a joke. This tech is so outdated, I'm embarrassed just being inside it."
"You were enjoying your time in there without a care in the world. I was the one who woke you up otherwise, we could be half way across the galaxy, and you would still not wake up," Richard said.
"Wow, someone's moody," Rick whistles, to which Richard just ignores him. The door to the room slid open with a mechanical hiss, and a Zigerion entered. The alien wore an ill-fitting human disguise, its stiff posture and artificial smile making it look like a discount mannequin.
"Uh, hello, Rick Sanchez!" the Zigerion said, its voice painfully forced.
"We are fellow Earthlings! Would you like to, um, share some scientific secrets with us?"
Rick chuckled, flipping them off. "Nice try, dummies. This is a simulation. What, you think I'm new to this?"
"Plus, do some research on a man before trying to kidnap him, will you? He won't even share his knowledge with me, let alone some random in the street. He would put a bullet through your head," Richard said before trying to do the same. Key word being trying as the simulation his gate of science did not fucking work.
The Zigerion flinched, its eye twitching. "W-What?"
Richard crossed his arms. "Your simulation is barely holding together. The texture mapping is sloppy. The lighting is fake as shit. And your NPCs? Repeating pre-scripted actions like a goddamn bootleg video game." The alien hesitated. "You're about to say 'What?' again," Richard added.
"What?" the Zigerion blurted out, then immediately realized his mistake.
Rick burst out laughing. "Hoo-wee! I love watching dumbasses implode!"
Morty, however, was still on edge. "O-Oh jeez, what do we do now?!"
Richard shot him a disinterested glance. "We play along and make them regret every second of this mistake."
Rick grinned. "Goddamn, Richard, I think I might be proud of you."
"I am only doing this to blow off some steam now. If you don't want be left behind, come on," He said.
"Dame, what made him on the edge so litely?" Rick said
"His girlfriend-" Morty said before Rick interrupted him
"WHAT?" Morty put up the sign for sliencing him and said
"Do you want to get him tourchered? If he knows I am doing this, he is going to teleport me to that party again. They do things in there, Rick; I don't want to go there ever." Morty said.
"Ok, gezz. I get it. Now continue," Rick said
"From what I heard, she dumped him," Morty finished, spilling the tea. Before Rick could react more, Richard came into the room from the door, with more Zigerions coming in. Their leader stepped forward, puffing out his chest. "Rick Sanchez, we demand your knowledge! Tell us your secrets!"
Rick sighed dramatically. "Okay, fine. You want my secrets? Here's one: your entire species is a fucking cosmic accident."
The Zigerions collectively gasped. Before they could react, Richard took a step forward with his plaser gun blazing. "He's not wrong."
Rick smirked. "See? Even my grandson gets it."
The aliens whispered among themselves before quickly shifting tactics. "W-We have prepared a simulated Earth environment for your comfort. Come. Enjoy your—uh—normal human experience while we, um, do normal human things." Richard and Rick exchanged glances.
"Let's get out of here. I think my IQ is going down, somehow my being in the same universe as them" Richard said as he focused hard enough to break the simulation. He opened the helmet they put on him, and with a look, he could already dismantle it into something even better. He woke up Rick and Morty.
"Why did you have to do that?" Rick said
"Nothing to destroy," Richard replied with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Fucking emo" Rick said, as Richard head snapped to morty's direction.
"I am locking you in that party again. This time, parental control is disabled, Morty." Richard said.
"See, Emo. I know that you are not even sad that she left but the fact that she left you and not the other way around" Rick said, 'I swear I am going to make the best fucking simulator out there and then make him watch Dian being killed over and over.' Richard thought darkly when he was hit in the head by Rick.
"What was that for?" Richard said
"Sixth sense tells me that I needed to do that," Rick said, 'Definitely doing it' he thought.