Game
Thoughts
"Talking"
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"A pair of twos!" Serafall shouted, slamming her cards down on the table. Her face was far too excited for the pathetic hand she had.
"I have three sevens," Sirzechs said smoothly, grinning confidently as Serafall's face fell at his words.
"I have… I don't even know what this is," Naruto said bluntly, laying his hand of cards down on the table.
"Hah! At least I beat you, Naru-chan! None of your cards are the same!" Serafall declared, pointing her magic wand at Naruto victoriously.
"Actually, Serafall-sama, this is called a 'royal flush,'" Grayfia supplied helpfully, setting a drink on the side of the table as she gestured at Naruto's cards, "An ace of hearts, king of hearts, queen of hearts, jack of hearts, and ten of hearts."
"...what does that mean?" Serafall tilted her head dumbly at Grayfia.
"It means he won again, Sera-chan," Sirzechs sighed, tossing his cards lazily on the table.
"Correct. It's the best possible hand, with a 1-in-649,737 chance of occurring." Grayfia nodded, reaching down onto the table and shoveling the collection of chips in the middle toward Naruto. It joined his already massive pile, which had accumulated over the past hour.
"I don't know why you guys are even trying anymore," Azazel said lazily, waving his hand at Naruto's huge stack of chips, "Naruto-chan is just too lucky. He's the god of Youkai - what else would you expect?"
"...I think I'll actually listen to you this time," Sirzechs sighed, pushing his chair slightly away from the table as he shook his head, "I'm going to get in trouble for losing so much money."
"You didn't have to keep betting so much," Naruto deadpanned. All three of the other faction leaders had started off confidently, betting huge sums as apparently all of them were very lucky. That was understandable, considering he was playing with the literal 'devil' from the phrase 'devil's luck.'
Unfortunately for Sirzechs, and the other devil leader and Grigori leader playing with them, it seems that Naruto's luck outweighed his. He had won every hand so far - literally. Every single hand.
"Eh, you're a Maou. Who's going to hold you responsible?" Azazel chuckled over at Sirzechs, the man's uncaring attitude for consequences showing.
"..." Sirzechs didn't respond, but he didn't need to. Naruto didn't miss the way Grayfia was not so subtly standing over the man's shoulder, her eyes boring into the back of his head as he chuckled innocently.
"...I lost a lot too…" Serafall whined, staring at the empty spot in front of her that had previously had a large pile of chips.
"This was meant to be for fun," Naruto said dryly, reaching forward and shoving his chips forward, "Just take your money back. I don't need it."
Naruto had more than enough wealth - the once-broke Youkai faction had become a booming financial superpower after the success of the manga about his life - and the anime about it, and the video game based on it, and the comic based on the manga, and the TV remake of the manga, and the movie, and the-
You get the idea.
"You can't just give it back, Naru-chan! That ruins the sanctity of the table!" Serafall huffed, pointing her wand at him again.
"I don't think a poker table had any sanctity to begin with," Naruto deadpanned.
"Just keep it, Naruto-chan. It's no fun if you give it back. We'll win it back next… next… next time!" Sirzechs finished, forcing out his next words as Grayfia's gaze became even more intense.
"Yup. You won it - can't just give it back. Someone has to win it off ya." Azazel concurred. Finally, Naruto let out a sigh as he shoved all his chips forward again.
"Fine. Then I'm all in," Naruto said dryly, pushing all the chips into the middle of the table, "I'll fold right away, so you guys can just 'win' it back this time."
"There's no folding in devil poker, Naru-chan!" Serafall countered, staring at him intensely despite her face pouting cutely, "That's what makes it devil poker!"
"Then… you can be the dealer, Sera-chan," Naruto nodded as he thought of an idea, "We'll all close our eyes while you do it, so we'd have no idea if you cheated and purposefully gave me a bad hand, y'know? Cheating's gotta be allowed in devil poker, right?"
"Oh! It is! You're so smart, Naru-chan!" Serafall cheered as Naruto made a roundabout way to give back all the money he had accidentally won, "You guys can bet too, Azaz-chan, Zechs-chan. I'll make sure to give us all the same hand so we split it!"
"Alright, I'm in," Sirzechs nodded at the plan. He snapped his fingers, and a magic circle appeared on the table in front of him. Out of it came a massive stack of chips, "Just make sure you don't mess it up. To match the amount that Naruto-chan is putting up, I had to take this directly from the treasury."
"Oh! That's smart," Serafall nodded, "I'll do the same!"
"Gambling away your race's funds on a poker game?" Azazel nodded approvingly, "That's something I can get behind. I'll do the same."
Serafall held up her wand, pointing it dramatically at the table, then frowned as nothing came out of the magic circle.
"Ah… I might've taken it all, Sera-chan," Sirzechs said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
"This is not the first time he's played poker with Naruto-chan," Grayfia explained dryly at Serafall's curious look, "He emptied half the treasury last week. This is the other half."
"W-We're making it back now, alright?! It's fine!" Sirzechs explained hastily at Grayfia's eyes practically glowed red.
"Oh. I'll just take from the Sitri treasury then," Serafall said with a carefree grin. A moment later a pile of chips appeared in front of her.
"Is… is this really that much money?" Naruto asked dryly, looking at his stack of chips, which each faction leader was having to take from treasuries to match.
"That is enough money to buy every house in Japan…" Grayfia explained for scale, causing Naruto's eyes to widen.
Every house in Japan?! They're just casually gambling with this much?
"... and America, Germany, Mexico, Canada, Australia…" Naruto blinked as Grayfia continued, casually listing off more and more countries. Naruto slowly glanced from Serafall to Sirzechs, and then to Azazel.
These people are insane.
"Alright! Close your eyes!" Serafall shouted, picking up the deck of cards as she blatantly started to look through the cards and pick out certain ones. The rest of the room obliged, and a moment later each person had a hand of cards in front of them.
"All in!" Serafall shouted, pushing forward her stack of chips.
"I'm also all in," Sirzechs nodded, following the plan as he pushed a massive fortune into the pot.
"Same here," Azazel replied easily, pushing forward his chips.
Grayfia reached forward, drawing a set of cards and laying them down on the table quickly.
"Alright! We all win now!" Serafall nodded, showing her cards flat on the table. She had given herself seemingly random cards, as she had a four, a five, a seven, an eight, and a queen. None of her cards matched the ones on the table.
"We do," Sirzechs nodded, showing that he had the same exact cards.
"...Did you do this on purpose?" Azazel asked dryly, showing that his hand was different. He had the same cards, except instead of a queen he had a jack - meaning his hand would lose against theirs since no one had a pair.
"Do what?" Serafall asked innocently, looking over the cards and then blinking as she saw the difference, "Oh, oops!"
"Damn devils," Azazel muttered.
"Um… Sera-chan?" Naruto deadpanned, setting his cards down on the table, "You… you messed up."
"What do you mean?" Serafall asked, looking at his cards as he laid them on the table, "I gave you the worst cards I could find! Five ones!"
"There's only four of each card in a deck, Serafall-sama, so I don't know how that's possible…" Grayfia started, shadows covering her eyes as an icy aura surrounded her, "But, Naruto-chan had four of the same card. That's four of a kind, meaning… he won."
The room was silent for a moment, staring as Grayfia slowly pushed all the chips toward Naruto.
"...oops…" Serafall said innocently.
"I'm… I'm in danger…" Sirzechs said shakily, frost starting to form all over his clothes from his proximity to Grayfia.
"Me too. I'm never going to hear the end of this…" Azazel groaned.
Serafall was also staring blankly at the pile of chips, "...Take care of me, Naruto-chan. I'll do my best to be a good wife."
Naruto blinked at her words, staring at her dryly, "What the hell is going through your he-"
"NARUTO-CHAN! I NEED YOUR HELP!" Naruto was interrupted as a magic circle suddenly appeared next to his head, a female voice yelling through.
"Rias?" Naruto asked, looking at the circle with a raised eyebrow, even though Rias couldn't actually see him.
"It's an emergency, Naruto-chan! There's a 10-winged Cadre-ranked fallen angel attacking us in Kuoh! It's one of the leaders of the Grigori - Kokobiel!" Rias's voice came out quickly, spitting out the words as a massive explosion sounded out through the circle, "He's trying to start another war by killing me! I need your help!"
"Oh, that does sound like an emergency," Naruto nodded, "Alright, I'm on the w-"
"Is that Ria-tan?! Ria-tan! You need our help?!" Sirzechs shouted, leaning forward with wide eyes as he shouted toward the circle.
"I-Is that my brother?" Rias asked, her voice suddenly much less panicked.
"Yup," Naruto nodded.
"It is! I'll be there right away, Ria-tan!" Sirzechs shouted, snapping his fingers and causing a magic circle to appear next to him.
"W-Wait!" Rias shouted abruptly, causing Sirzechs to pause, "...ahem… uh… um… the problem is gone, Naruto-chan. No need to worry anymore. I don't need your help anymore."
"Eh? But I thought a fallen angel was attacking you?" Naruto asked questioningly.
"He… he… uh… left?" Rias answered, sounding unsure of her own words.
"He left?" Naruto asked incredulously, "You said he was trying to kill you to start a war… but he just left?"
"Y-Yup! He decided it wasn't worth it anymore, and le-" Rias was cut off as a giant explosion sounded through the magic circle again.
"He doesn't sound gone," Naruto deadpanned, "That sounded like an explosion."
"...Is… is my brother still there?" Rias whispered this time, but Sirzechs still heard her.
"Yes! Oni-chan is right here!" Sirzechs shouted excitedly across the table, "Do you need my help, Ria-tan?! I can be there right away!"
"T-Then it was a pipe! A pipe in the clubroom burst!" Rias reasoned, then continued as another explosion rang out, "A-A bunch of pipes!"
"So… the super strong fallen angel is actually gone?" Naruto asked blandly, "He just left?"
"...Oni-chan is still there, right?"
"Yup."
"T-Then yes! Totally gone! I don't need help, and there's no reason for Oni-chan to come!" Another explosion rang out, and Rias abruptly cut off the magic circle, "A-Another pipe burst! Gotta go, by-"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, Sirzechs broke it.
"Well, that was scary for a moment. I'm glad that Kokobiel decided to leave them alone," Sirzechs nodded sagely. Naruto just stared at him with a deadpan.
He's obviously not gone. She just didn't want you to be the one to help her.
Naruto couldn't blame her. Rias had already told him about how 'extra' her brother could be in assisting her - and he had witnessed it firsthand when Sirzechs literally destroyed and entire manor to try and help her get a new peerage member.
That was the main reason she always went to Naruto for help, and not Sirzechs even though he was also one of the strongest beings in the world.
"Well, I should go check just to make su-" Naruto started, giving an excuse to go help her, but was interrupted as another magic circle appeared in the air next to him.
"Youkai-sama! I'm sorry to interrupt you during your day, but this is Sona Sitri," A female voice rang out, "There is currently a rather dangerous situation happening at Kuoh."
"A ten-winged Cadre-ranked fallen angel named Kokobiel is attacking you?" Naruto asked blandly, assuming she was contacting him for the same reason Rias did.
"H-How did you know?" Sona asked, surprise leaking into her voice as Naruto explained her situation perfectly.
"A good guess," Naruto answered dryly.
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
Naruto blinked.
That's what you activate for, damn system?
"Y-Youkai-sama is omnicisent…" Sona muttered in awe through the magic circle, and Naruto let out a sigh. He could see where this was headed.
"No, I'm not omniscient. Rias called earlier and told me," Naruto tried to explain, but the system had other ideas.
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
"Youkai-sama really is omniscient…" Sona trailed off, her voice filled with awe, "He even knew that Rias wanted to call him for help… but she stopped because she wanted to handle it on her own as Kuoh's ruler…"
That's not why she didn't want help.
"Anyway," Naruto said, trying to push past the omniscient point, "I'll head over there n-"
"Is that So-tan on the phone, Naru-chan?!" Serafall interrupted, the girl finally paying attention to the conversation again as she stopped lamenting over her lost money.
Do they consider this a phone? What's the point of using communication magic when she could just call my phone anyway?
"W-Was that Onee-chan?" Sona asked shakily through the magic circle, her voice wavering slightly.
"No-" Naruto started, trying to avoid the situation with Rias from repeating, but he was cut off.
"It is, So-tan! Onee-chan will be there right away! I'll deal with the big mean fallen for you!" Serafall shouted, pointing her wand at Naruto dramatically, even though Sona couldn't see her. Then, her face flushed as she glanced down, "...after I beat down the mean fallen, So-tan will give me a big hug… hehe… hugging So-tan…"
"A-Actually, the situation was just handled, Youkai-sama! There's no need for anyone to come help anymore!" Sona started hastily, "O-Onee-chan doesn't need to come! We're completely fine!"
"Let me guess - Kokobiel just decided to leave suddenly?" Naruto deadpanned, reiterating what Rias had told him earlier.
"Um… yeah?" Sona said uncertainly, but at least had a better excuse than Rias as she continued, "H-He heard you through the circle, and got scared and left!"
As she finished speaking, a large explosion rang out through the circle.
"What was that?" Naruto asked amusedly.
"A… um… firework!" Sona hastily explained, "There are fireworks going off nearby!"
"Fireworks? Why would someone be lighting off fireworks in the middle of Kuoh, near a school?" Naruto deadpanned.
"To… celebrate Christmas!" Sona explained proudly.
"It's July," Naruto answered dryly.
"...Is Onee-chan still there?"
"Yup."
"...to celebrate the 4th of July?"
"You're in Japan," Naruto shot her down.
"Um… uh…" Sona floundered for an explanation, and then a hushed female voice spoke distantly from her through the circle, but Naruto couldn't make out what she said.
"W-What?! That'll never work!" Sona whisper-shouted back as if Naruto couldn't hear every word she said.
"It's the perfect plan! Your sister will have no reason to come, but Naruto-chan will still come right away!" Naruto blinked as he recognized the other, fainter, voice as Rias as she spoke up.
"Why would that make Youkai-sama come? I'm not saying that…" Sona trailed off again but sounded less certain.
"Naruto-chan loves how big mine is too much! He'll come over right away, and then he can deal with Kokobiel!" Rias responded, her voice becoming louder as she tried to convince Sona.
"T-This idea is…" Sona trailed off again, unsure what to say.
"Just try it!"
"F-Fine! A-Ahem," Sona cleared her throat, her voice becoming louder as she turned back to face the magic circle, "T-That explosion was the sound of… R-Rias's… Rias was…"
"Quick, Sona! Kokobiel won't keep monologuing forever!" Rias encouraged her, completely negating both of their claims that Kokobiel had left.
"R-Rias is practicing her belly dancing! T-That bang was the sound of… her… her… a-ass cheeks… clapping while she was dancing!" Sona finished, spitting out the words.
Naruto stared blankly at the magic circle.
That's the best she could come up with?
"...alright," Naruto sighed, "Well, you can hang up now since everything is fine over there."
He glanced around the table, where all three faction leaders were watching the conversation, blatantly eavesdropping.
I'll just make an excuse to go help them anyway.
"H-He doesn't sound convinced, Sona! Tell him this too!" Rias's voice came again, and she whispered something quickly that Naruto couldn't make out.
"S-Seriously?!" Sona asked shakily.
"Just do it! We need Naruto-chan to beat Kokobiel!" Rias encouraged her.
"R-Right…" Sona trailed off, clearing her throat again, "I-I'll hang up in a moment, Youkai-sama, but first I need to clarify that… by p-practicing her b-belly dancing, I meant that Rias is teaching A-Akeno. B-Both of them are dancing right now… in small b-bikinis…"
Naruto heard some more harsh whispering from Rias, and then Sona continued.
"A-And she's teaching A-Asia too! And… Shirone? W-wait… and me?! I c-can't…" There was more whispering, and then Sona continued, "A-And me… I'm also in a bikini… d-dancing and… and… s-shaking my… ass…"
The room was dead silent for a moment as Naruto stared blankly at the magic circle.
These girls are insane.
"Right…" Naruto trailed off, then quickly started talking again as he heard Rias start to whisper more, "I'll be there in a minute, alright?! You don't have to say more!"
"G-Great! See you soon, Youkai-sama!" Sona spit out, cutting off the magic circle instantly.
"Well… I gotta go, I guess," Naruto hummed, standing up as he got ready to head to Kuoh.
"Don't worry, we understand. I would do the same," Azazel nodded sagely, giving Naruto a thumbs up, "I am truly jealous of how big a playboy you are, Naruto-chan."
Naruto stared at him blandly.
They heard the same conversation as me, right? There's no way he actually believed that… right? Right?
"So-tan… says she dancing… in a bikini…" Serafall trailed off from across the table, the woman nearly drooling at the thought, "I-I'll come too, Naruto-chan!"
"Nope," Naruto shut her down, deciding he would save Sona despite the girl ruining her own made up story at the end.
"W-Why not?! I want to see So-tan in a bikini…" Serafall trailed off, her face suddenly becoming deathly serious as an icy aura filled the room, "Y-You're not trying to take So-tan from me, are you?!"
"Nope, but Rias is my wife, and you're kind of a… freak," Naruto replied bluntly, "Especially when it comes to Sona."
"B-But…" Serafall whined, her face falling.
"I'll take some pictures for you, alright?" Naruto comforted her, and then quickly snapped his fingers and formed a magic circle under him as her face lit up, "See ya!"
He promptly disappeared, heading for Kuoh as he decided that he didn't want to hear anything more about Sona from Serafall.
I don't have time to deal with her antics. I gotta go beat some fallen ass.
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Naruto Uzumaki:
[Youkai God]
Lvl: 505
STR: 762
DEX: 725
CON: 540
INT: 215
WIS: 750
CHA: 999
LUK: 0
Skills: [Chess Mastery]
Perks: [Martial Arts], [You're a Wizard, Naruto], [Ladies Man], [God's Luck]
Debuffs: [Confusion], [Bad Timing]
Naruto Uzumaki is a Hero from another world, who has been reborn with the power of the Gamer system!
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AN: Thank you for reading! The next chapter will be out in a few days.
Or you can read chapters early on Patreon.com/Koyon ! Any support is appreciated!