Chase's POV
"What other bad ideas have you got?" I asked Kayla, and she gave me a playful lunch on the chest.
"If that's what you see it as , I promise you they're quite a lot." Kayla replied, laughing. She'd just suggested we joined a club or a team on campus. And I'm not gonna deny that it made perfect sense, seeing that I had so much spare time on my hands.
"How was your weekend by the way?" She asked.
I couldn't exactly tell what she was expecting to hear, but it wasn't fun, at all.
I spent almost all of it considering reaching out to Emma.
It'd been an awfully long period of time. "Just a text." I said to myself repeatedly.
Taking walks, cooking, and actively trying to get my moms off the thought only served to keep my mind on it. and hunting for a pet couldn't take my mind off Emma.
I wondered how she'd be blending into one of the biggest schools in the USA.
We were supposed to be navigating the intimidating world of college side by side.
Side by side did not mean two miles apart. I constantly thought of if she would ever make new friends, or make them early.
How lonely and disoriented she must be.
How she'd look at guys and girls, together, hacking their way through college and remember me.
I only wished that at times like those, a little bird whispered in her ear how much I missed her and still yearned to be by her side. How I'd do anything to have us together, no matter what it meant.
"Uhm, great." I answered Kayla unenthusiastically.
I'm sure she too could tell.
I barely looked like I'd been getting any sleep, even though I had. I doused my face in ice a couple of times that morning to tighten my pores and make sure I looked good and well rested enough, but it just was as unfruitful as denying how much I yearned for her.
"We could go over how many clubs there are, I'm sure you'd be able to pick one by tomorrow." She said,
"Hopefully." I concurred.
"I have good news." Kayla said, changing the subject quickly.
She was beaming so hard she almost started to look silly, with her funny hat.
"What again this time around?" I feigned being choke fed by her antics, but in reality, she'd been the only one I talked to.
I was mending my relationship with my dad, but that didn't mean that we wanted to talk to each other everyday.
"You've gotta sound more enthusiastic about it." She pouted.
"Yay?!" I exclaimed.
"Come on!" She swung her legs on the bench we sat on, looking at everyone else fooling around. "There's another party tonight." sheep revealed.
"I don't know how I feel about that, man." I replied. I was still avoiding Helen from the last party, cause to her, apparently, I acted like a dick, and I was willing to repeat it again.
Plus I kinda wasn't comfortable.
I used to be the life of the parties back in high school, but that was fun cause we were at the top and there was no one to put us in check.
Accepting that I was rock bottom on Harvard campus at a student's party was one thing, being humbled was gonna be another, and I didn't like the latter.
"You've gotta loosen up, Chase." Kayla said, rubbing my arm.
"That's sus." I smiled and took my hand away from her respectfully.
"I let my intrusive thoughts win." She explained. "I see you lifting stuff sometimes and I wished it was me you were lifting. We should probably do a gym day together." She suggested.
"Doesn't sound so bad of an idea." I concurred. "While you lift the weights, I'll ward them guys off." I smiled.
"That's not what I want you to do." She replied. "I want you to be with me."
"That's a jam." I replied.
"You really don't want to be seen with me?" She asked, looking away, "It's either your head or your heart here, not the both."
"Where did that come from?" I asked her.
"I just see things." She smiled and looked away, "Maybe college would have been better with her on your side."
"Yeah." I concurred.
"But maybe you could also stop living like a fucking shellfish and come out. See life, experience it. Emma's doing the same."
"How do you know that?"I asked her, seriously.
For a minute I had begun to consider the chances of what she said being true.
What if Emma had moved on? She's a really likable person, found someone like her, and they were taking it slow. What if she'd begun to put some other guy's face on mine, while I remained stuck with her memory.
"I'll go to the gym." I said.
"Ooh." Kayla exclaimed, and smiled. "That was all it took to convince you?"
"Please don't probe." I warned her.
"I'm glad you decided to come with me." She smiled and batted her lashes playfully. "How about the party?" She asked,
"I'll be there." I replied to her.
"I'll see you after the classes then." I said to her, and went into the lecture theater.
I looked at my phone one last time before entering the class, and I saw about six missed calls from my dad, and a picture from Emma's mom.
"We're in the ER," her text read.
For a minute, I was blank. I tried to gather all the courage I could, but scary thoughts kept creeping in, and like a strong hand, it got a grip of my finger.
"Just do it!" I said to myself, a little bit louder.
I saw my dad, but I also saw the bullet wound to his shoulder.
The man I'd fought, the man I was beginning to love, the man who killed my mom, the man who'd just mourned her, lay helpless, like I'd never seen on the floor.
"This cannot be happening!" Tears had begun to fall from my eyes, and only when Kayla caught up with me and slung her hand over my shoulder, did I remember I was in a public space.
"What's up?" She asked, concerned. I could see the worry on her face through my tears.
I just handed her the phone
"Fuck!" She sa id, before putting her arms around me.
A hug was something I desperately needed, so I let myself be sunk in.