Chapter 121 The Price of Absence: Earning Forgiveness
This distant Qin Wanshu made Zuo Qinghuan's heart feel heavy. There were clearly so many things she wanted to say, yet now, not a single word would come out. She could only clutch Qin Wanshu's hand tightly, her gaze fixed on Qin Wanshu's eyes, searching desperately for any trace, any hint, that Qin Wanshu still cared for her.
Qin Wanshu didn't flinch from Zuo Qinghuan's stare. On the contrary, she remained perfectly calm, allowing Zuo Qinghuan to watch and probe her expression.
Looking into those tranquil, undisturbed eyes, Zuo Qinghuan couldn't glimpse Qin Wanshu's inner thoughts. A sense of panic began to bloom within her. Deep down, she had always harbored a fear – the fear that after three years, Qin Wanshu might no longer love her. When it came to Qin Wanshu, she wasn't truly confident.
Just then, Qin Yu, having retrieved the car from the parking lot, drove up and witnessed the scene: Zuo Qinghuan gripping his sister's hand, a subtle, charged atmosphere flowing between them, almost like a standoff. Qin Yu opened the car door and walked over.
Seeing Qin Yu, Zuo Qinghuan had no choice but to release Qin Wanshu's hand. At the same time, she tucked away the vulnerability and helplessness she only ever showed Qin Wanshu. Before Qin Wanshu, she could afford to be soft, to show weakness, but in front of the Qin family, she had to project strength.
Though a subtle gesture, it showed an understanding of propriety; after all, everything has its time and place. Qin Wanshu sensed that Zuo Qinghuan truly had matured. Zuo Qinghuan might allow herself to be willful in front of her, but not in front of others.
"Three years later, you really did come back," Qin Yu said with a smile towards Zuo Qinghuan. Her perseverance in not giving up for three years alone was worth points in his book. Qin Yu felt that although their grandfather's three-year condition had been somewhat cruel to Wanshu, making her wait so long, in the long run, it would greatly benefit both Wanshu and Zuo Qinghuan's future together.
"Yes, three years. I'm finally back," Zuo Qinghuan replied softly. The emphasis on "finally" was meant for Qin Wanshu – a message that she had always wanted to return, that not a day had passed without thinking of her.
Compared to the apprehensive Zuo Qinghuan he remembered from years ago, her current calm and composed attitude earned Qin Yu's admiration. Regardless of whether a gap still existed between her and Wanshu, at the very least, she couldn't appear too weak psychologically or in presence. It showed that these three years had genuinely enriched her inwardly; without that inner substance as support, it wouldn't work. The Zuo Qinghuan standing before him now reassured him much more than the girl from back then.
Deep down, Qin Wanshu was actually happy about Zuo Qinghuan's return. However, she felt she had to punish Zuo Qinghuan for leaving so easily back then. She needed to make Zuo Qinghuan understand that leaving would not be easily forgiven. That way, Zuo Qinghuan wouldn't dare leave so lightly again. Because Qin Wanshu knew, with absolute certainty, that she didn't have the patience to wait another three years for her.
"Brother, get in the car first. I need to say a few words to her," Qin Wanshu requested. Qin Yu, ever tactful, returned to the car, leaving the two women alone.
"We missed the perfect moment to pick the flower. During its most brilliant bloom, we weren't by each other's side. This goes against the very reason I chose for us to be together. What's missed is missed," Qin Wanshu stated, her tone somewhat cold. She cared deeply that she hadn't been there to witness Zuo Qinghuan's most beautiful period of growth and transformation. It left a profound sense of loss that Zuo Qinghuan couldn't possibly comprehend.
"Though we missed the flowering season, I will use the rest of my time to wait for the next bloom. I absolutely won't miss it again," Zuo Qinghuan vowed. The past three years couldn't be undone, but for the remaining three years, thirty years, she would stay by Qin Wanshu's side.
Hearing this, Qin Wanshu offered a faint smile. She slowly drew closer to Zuo Qinghuan, reaching out to touch her face. Her fingertips traced lightly across Zuo Qinghuan's cheek. Truthfully, she was somewhat satisfied with the answer, but it wasn't quite enough to warrant forgiveness.
Feeling Qin Wanshu draw near, inhaling her faint, sweet fragrance, Zuo Qinghuan's heart began to race. Qin Wanshu's fingers felt like they carried an electric current as they brushed against her skin. She was completely stunned, her remaining rationality unable to decipher the intent behind this sudden, intimate gesture.
"Zuo Qinghuan," Qin Wanshu murmured softly beside her ear, her voice incredibly gentle, making Zuo Qinghuan feel恍惚 as if she were dreaming. "You think you can just leave when you want and come back when you want? Do you believe life offers such convenient bargains?"
Before Zuo Qinghuan could even process this unexpected wave of tenderness, Qin Wanshu had already pulled away, turned around, and slipped into Qin Yu's car. Zuo Qinghuan stood there, watching the car disappear from sight, lost in thought. After a long moment, she finally understood the meaning behind Qin Wanshu's actions and words: Qin Wanshu didn't not love her; she simply wasn't planning to forgive her so easily. Zuo Qinghuan touched the cheek Qin Wanshu had caressed, feeling as though a trace of warmth still lingered. Her mind began to churn, planning, scheming how she could earn Qin Wanshu's forgiveness. She needed to go back and strategize properly.
"Tonight marked your reunion after a long separation; you two must have had a lot to talk about," Qin Yu remarked with a smile once they were driving. He had seen everything clearly from the car – Wanshu moving intimately close to Zuo Qinghuan, whispering secrets near her ear. That scene alone was enough for Qin Yu to be certain: Wanshu still loved Zuo Qinghuan. His sister had never been so intimate with anyone else.
"There's no need to say everything at once. There will be plenty of time later," Qin Wanshu replied coolly, gazing straight ahead. Her brother would never understand the intricacies of a woman's heart.
"True, a steady stream flows longest," Qin Yu conceded. "I wonder if Grandfather will be satisfied with the current Zuo Qinghuan. But she certainly seems more substantial than three years ago. Not like back then, so thin and fragile it made even me a little uneasy entrusting you to her." Perhaps what Wanshu needed most wasn't being cared for and protected, but someone who could simply be her companion. Yet, as her older brother, Qin Yu still hoped for someone who could genuinely take care of his sister. Even if she was already strong enough, no matter how strong she became, she was still his little sister, still a woman who needed protection and care.
"Sister, you're back." Seeing Zuo Qinghuan return, Aoba stood up, fetched a pair of slippers, and offered them to her. Aoba possessed the ingrained mannerisms of a traditional Japanese woman. This kind of service often made Zuo Qinghuan feel slightly embarrassed; she was four years older, yet it felt like Aoba was the one taking care of her, making her feel somewhat undeserving.
"Thank you." Zuo Qinghuan had brought Aoba back to her home. In Japan, Aoba had taken meticulous care of her, so coming to China, Zuo Qinghuan naturally brought Aoba home with her. Although her place was just a studio apartment, which was a bit inconvenient, the thought of making Aoba stay in a hotel felt too impersonal. Zuo Qinghuan couldn't bring herself to do it. So, she had to trouble Aoba to share the room with her. Zuo Qinghuan planned to find a bigger apartment soon, to avoid inconvenience when guests might visit in the future.
"Mm, when is Aunt Xiao coming back?" Zuo Qinghuan noticed several photos of Aunt Xiao neatly arranged on the table. She guessed Xiao Yuandao must have given them to Aoba.
"Sister Xiao said Mother probably won't be back from Thailand until next week," Aoba replied with a smile. The thought of seeing her mother next week clearly made her happy.
Zuo Qinghuan felt Aoba's joyful anticipation and felt happy for her too.
"Then you'll get to see Aunt Xiao very soon." Zuo Qinghuan picked up one of Xiao Qinan's photos. In truth, Aoba didn't resemble her mother much. Strangely enough, Xiao Yuandao, who wasn't related by blood, bore a stronger resemblance to Aunt Xiao than her own daughter, Aoba.
"When I thought back on Mother as a child, I could only remember her voice. I couldn't recall her face at all," Aoba confessed softly. "I always blamed myself – how could I forget my own mother's face?" Seeing the photographs today, she finally realized just how beautiful her mother was.
"You were too young back then. It's perfectly normal not to remember clearly," Zuo Qinghuan comforted her. Aoba loved Aunt Xiao deeply; at least, she had never once blamed her mother.
"What about you, Sister? Did you talk with Sister Qin?" Aoba skillfully shifted the topic back to Zuo Qinghuan and Qin Wanshu.
"Mm, we spoke a little," Zuo Qinghuan replied, her expression softening noticeably at the thought of Qin Wanshu.
"Is she still angry?" Aoba asked, concern lacing her voice.
"She has every right to be angry with me." Anger means she still cares, Zuo Qinghuan reasoned silently. How angry she is shows how much my leaving affected her. She naturally found justifications for Qin Wanshu's anger towards her.
Aoba looked at Zuo Qinghuan with worry etched on her face, feeling anxious on her behalf. She knew how much her sister loved Qin Wanshu and wished Qin Wanshu could understand that her departure had been forced by circumstances. But Aoba felt she had no standing to explain this to Qin Wanshu, leaving her feeling helplessly concerned.
"You don't need to worry about us. We'll reconcile, just like before," Zuo Qinghuan reassured her, noticing Aoba seemed even more anxious than she was. Such a kind girl, she thought inwardly.
"Sister, you're still in your evening gown. Aren't you uncomfortable?" Aoba noticed Zuo Qinghuan hadn't changed and offered a gentle reminder.
"You're right, I almost forgot. Could you help me with the zipper?" Zuo Qinghuan turned her back, allowing Aoba to unzip the dress.
Seeing Zuo Qinghuan's smooth, slender, bare back, Aoba felt a slight flutter of confusion in her heart, but she quickly suppressed it. Kitano Aoba, she reminded herself sternly, she is just your sister. She can only ever be your sister.
Since there was only one bed in the room, Zuo Qinghuan naturally let Aoba share it with her.
Sleeping in the same bed as her sister, being this close, able to greedily drink in her scent, able to gaze at her so near… Aoba felt a deep sense of contentment. Watching Zuo Qinghuan's sleeping face, Aoba dared to let just a sliver of her true emotions surface, only because she didn't want to cause her sister any trouble.
If it hadn't been for Qin Wanshu's ambiguous actions earlier that day, Zuo Qinghuan wouldn't have found herself restlessly replaying the intimate scene—Qin Wanshu drawing close, touching her face—over and over, leading to insomnia. And she wouldn't have then noticed Aoba watching her while she presumably slept. Truthfully, Zuo Qinghuan had faintly sensed Aoba's deeper level of care for her, but this was a boundary neither of them would ever dare to cross. Aoba wouldn't, and neither would she. Keeping it unspoken was for the best. Best for Aoba, and best for herself.