I didn't like the look of these 3 at all.
"Hey, Squidward, this doesn't look like the Krusty Krab!"
"Ya don't say."
Nope. Not one bit.
"A-A-A-Aqua...who...what are these creatures?" I would ask, my hand to my sword.
"IF I KNEW KAZUMA, I WOULDN'T BE HIDING BEHIND YOU!"
Then, the starfish opened its mouth, sluggishly stating, "Hey, have you got any food?"
KONOSUBA!
We had tied them up in the center of the mansion. Megumin kept poking at the squid with her wand. He seemed annoyed, but to be honest, his face always seemed annoyed.
"Megumin, can you stop now." I said, grabbing her staff.
She puffed her cheeks and exhaled. "I'm just...analyzing them Kazuma."
"Analyzing us for what?" the weird, ugly, blue octopus thing bemoaned. For some reason, looking at it made me feel down.
Aqua's grip on my shoulders suddenly jolted in pressure, to the point that my back was starting to hurt.
"K-kazuma? When are you going to kill those things?" she whispered in my ear in a soft, well-spoken voice.
It sent sent shivers down my spine. I immediately pushed her off and started to scold her.
"We are not going to kill them! At least, until we find out how much money they're worth in the bar!"
She gasped, then smiled. "Great idea!"
I can already taste that sweet, sweet bubbly.
"NO!" Megumin shouted. Gaining our attention. "We're jumping to conclusions here! Those things can talk! Shouldn't we ask them why they're here?"
"Fine." I muttered.
Before I did that, I used my lip reading skill to eavesdrop of their conversation.
"Did you guys hear them? They're going to sell us!" The Octopus said.
"Sell us to what?" The star replied.
"Oh I don't know!"
"Hey, maybe they mean they're going to SEND us back home!" The sponge said with a chuckle. The Star began to laugh alongside him.
"I'm going to die here, with these baboons." The Squid said, hopelessly.
At the very least, I discovered that they were an eccentric bunch.
I walked up to them, pulling my most threatening face. While the Octopus looked horrified, the other two looked like they weren't even in the room.
"Alright you freaks. What are you?"
The Sponge giggled. "Don't you mean who are we?"
"No. I mean what are you. As in I have no clue what you are."
"Really? I thought it was pretty obvious. I'm a sea sponge. And my two partners here are Squidward and Patrick!"
Squidward and Patrick. Those ring a bell. The chemicals in my brain immediately produced this nostalgic feeling.
"And you?"
"Spongebob Square pants! Ready for duty!"
Even more familiar. But I just couldn't lock in a specific memory. It felt like a missing puzzle piece.
As I was about to continue questioning, Megumin came from underneath my armpit.
"So COOL! So you three are like, real sea creatures?"
"How many times are you going to ask that?" Patrick said.
"Real as can be!" Spongebob agreed.
"So how can you breath right now?"
"Some Dolphin deity. It's a really really long story."
"That checks out." I said.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT CHECKS OUT?"
Even I was starting to become a bit intrigued. Much to the dismay of Aqua.
"B-but that still doesn't explain how you guys got here!" she screamed. "Start explaining, or we'll see just how much people here love Sushi!"
"Why of course! Squidward?"
However, Squidward at this point had gone into some sort of anapelecttic shock. He was sweating so much, that he was beginning to fill up the buckets placed around them.
"Is he OK?" I asked.
"Guess I'll have to tell you guys myself!"
FLASHBACK
Spongebob is enthusiastically mopping the floors, when Patrick rushes in, looking excited.
"Spongebob! Check out this shiny button I found!"
Out of his hammerspace, he slammed a large looking button on the floor of the Krusty Krab.
"Woah! That's a really cool ominous looking button!"
Fresh from his break, walked the miserable Squidward, who after two looks, noticed those idiots were doing something stupid.
"What are you 2 idiots doing now? And where did you get that RIDICULOUS looking button?"
"It's not RIDICULOUS Squidward! We haven't even seen what it does yet!"
Patrick stretched his arm, only to have it slapped by Squidward.
"Dont you two know not to touch random buttons from the middle of nowhere?"
The two thought for a moment, and then nodded in agreement.
"Hmph. I'll go take this to Krabs and see-"
As he lifted it up and carried it over to Krab's office, he suddenly slipped over some soapy water, and falling, and smashing the button into pieces.
"Uh Oh."
A magic Circle appeared beneath them, glowing brightly against the walls. However, the customers around simply glanced at the spectacle and went back to focusing on their food.
"Ooooo! Squidward! This looks exciting!"
Squidward moaned, standing up after cracking his back. But by the time he opened his eyes...
"Huh?"
The Sun was suspiciously brighter than usual. The air was dry rather than kelpy. And before them was a hulking manor, with market stands on either side leading to it. A rather livelier than usual day, in the city of Axel.
"WOAHHH" Spongebob and Patrick gasped, hands pressed to cheeks.
"Patrick? I don't think we're in Bikini Bottom anymore."
"Really? Cool! Right Squidward?"
Looking back on their compadre, he had already began frantically digging through the ground.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NO NO NO NO!"
"Hey Squidward! Isn't this new place so cool?"
"C-cool? This isn't cool! No, this isn't cool at all!"
"Well why not?" Patrick slurred.
"The season finale of Sea Drama was supposed to release today! And I'd bought bon bons just for that!"
"Well that's fine! I'm sure they have Cable around here somewhere!"
Squidward's eye twitched. He slowly turned to Patrick, his breath ragged with stress.
"Oh, sure, Patrick. Let me just go and ask the nearest medieval peasant if they've got a premium cable package that includes Sea Drama Plus!"
Patrick gasped. "You really think they have it?"
Squidward let out an inhuman groan and collapsed onto his knees. "Why me…? Why am I stuck here with you two IDIOTS?"
SpongeBob patted his back cheerfully. "Aw, don't be such a frowny frown, Squiddy! We should make the most of this exciting new adventure!"
Patrick nodded. "Yeah! Who knows, maybe we'll find a new hobby! Or a new friend! Or—"
"—or maybe we'll get eaten by a dragon, trampled by a horse, or thrown in jail for whatever insane law they have against talking sea creatures! This isn't an adventure, it's a nightmare!"
Before Squidward could continue spiraling, the trio suddenly heard a voice.
"Oi, you three! Stop blocking the road!"
They turned to see a group of adventurers giving them weird looks. The leader, a scruffy man with a massive sword, furrowed his brows. "What are you supposed to be? Some kinda circus act?"
SpongeBob beamed. "Oh boy, Patrick! They think we're performers!"
Patrick grinned. "They must have seen my amazing rock impression!" He proceeded to go completely still and expressionless.
Squidward, facepalming, muttered, "Oh great, they think we're freaks. This is already going downhill."
Before the adventurers could ask more questions, a loud voice cut through the marketplace.
"KAZUMAAAA! WHERE ARE MY DRINKS?!"
From behind them, a blue-haired woman with a staff stomped through the crowd, followed by a brown-haired guy in a green cape.
The brown-haired guy stopped in his tracks, staring wide-eyed at the trio. "What the hell are those things."
Squidward crossed his arms. "Finally, someone who recognizes how ridiculous this situation is."
The guy squinted, looking at them closely.
Aqua peeked over his shoulder and immediately recoiled. "Kazuma! Kill them! Kill them now before they lay eggs in my brain!"
Squidward's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"
"No."
"EHHHH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO KAZUMA???"
"I'm not being payed for this. What if they're super dangerous or something?"
Squidward blinked. "What? I-i mean yeah! We're super dangerous!"
He gestured to the other two to follow his lead. Winking.
"Right? Guys?"
Spongebob and Partick glanced at each other, before giggling hard. "Yeah! We're super, duper dangerous!" Spongebob added.
"See? Not worth it."
"But Kazuma!!! I don't want them to lay eggs in my Head!"
"Those poor Eggs wouldn't have anything to eat anyway."
Suddenly, a voice rang out, full of dramatic flair.
"Hohoho! Did someone say… monsters?"
A girl in a red cloak and an oversized hat stepped forward, striking an stupid pose.
"Yes! Megumin! Blow them up!" Aqua shouted, clinging to his back like he was her human shield.
Squidward's confidence evaporated instantly, his nose shrinking in fear. Meanwhile, the other two idiots just kept giggling.
"Gladly!" Megumin grinned, raising her staff.
Before she could start chanting, Kazuma grabbed it and yanked it away.
"HEY! KAZUMA! GIVE THAT BACK!"
"ARE YOU STUPID, MEGUMIN? WE'RE STANDING IN FRONT OF THE GUILD!"
He grabbed her cheeks and pulled aggressively. "USE YOUR BRAIN! THINK OF ALL THE MONEY I'D HAVE TO WASTE FIXING THE DAMAGE!"
With a sigh, He unsheathed my sword. "Of course, the one time I try to do the responsible thing, I still have to deal with this."
Squidward gulped. "D-do what?"
"If you really want them gone that badly—" He pointed his sword at them, trying to look cool. "—then I'll handle it."
"Wait! Let's be civilized about this!" Squidward pleaded. "We can work something out!"
"Alright, which one of you is the leader?"
SpongeBob and Patrick exchanged glances.
"Well, Squidward did tell us to play along…" SpongeBob said.
"Yeah, he is the one who talks the most," Patrick added.
"Then stand aside."
"If you say so! Come on, Patrick!"
The two of them cheerfully walked to the side, leaving Squidward standing there, mouth agape.
"Wait, huh?"
"Now it's just you and me, ugly squid thing," he said, brandishing my sword.
"Wait! Hang on! You've got it all wr—"
"STEAL!"
…Nothing.
"Phew! I thought you were serious for a second!" Squidward sighed in relief.
"What? Did it fail?" Aqua asked.
"No equipment. Great. Guess I'll have to do this the old-fashioned way. FLASH!"
A bright light erupted, instantly frying Squidward's retinas.
"AAAAAGHHH! MY EYES!"
He simply strolled forward and bonked him on the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him out cold.
"And there. Happy now?" He said, dusting his hands off.
"Wow! GREAT ACTING, GUYS!" SpongeBob cheered from the sideline.
"Yeah! What he said!" Patrick added.
Megumin pouted. "I could've exploded them faster, you know."
"Yeah, yeah."
"But Kazuma! What about the other two?" Aqua pointed.
"Yeah! What about us, Patrick?"
"Can you do the flash thing again?"
He frowned. "Why the hell are they so happy about this?"
"Just stay still." He extended my hand. "BIND!"
Ropes instantly wrapped around SpongeBob and Patrick, tying them up.
I turned to walk away. "Not carrying them, by the way."
Aqua and Megumin both booed.
"Where's Darkness when you need her?"
FLASHBACK OVER
"EHH? DID ANYONE SEE ELSE SEE THAT?"
It seemed Aqua had begun screaming jargon again. Nothing out of the ordinary.
"See what, Aqua?" Megumin asked.
"I heard like... a voice! And then it said 'Flashback'in some sort of foreign accent!"
"Aqua. Are you going insane?"
"No! I'm serious! It even replayed the events of today! I saw their homeland and everything!"
"You did? How'd it look? Did I do a good job at cleaning?" Spongebob asked.
I took Megumin aside and began to whisper into her ear as loudly as I could.
"Yeah. She's definitely crazy."
"WHAT!!!!!?!?!??!?!?!?
KONOSUBA!