"How did this even happen?"
I, Ikou Kurosu, was sitting in what appeared to be an audience chamber within a royal palace.
A king dressed in medieval-style clothing sat on a throne, and beside him was a princess-like figure in a flamboyant dress.
Additionally, there were what seemed to be royal advisors and maids, all of whom were staring at me.
(I was just heading to the convenience store to buy a late-night snack before getting back to my take-home work...)
My company had given me an obviously excessive workload.
For the sake of so-called "work-life balance," overtime in the office was strictly forbidden.
However, the workload was impossible to finish within working hours, so it was an unspoken rule at my company, Big Limonta Corp, to take work home voluntarily.
Of course, if a problem arose, it would be considered the employee's "personal responsibility."
Anyone who objected would be transferred to a dead-end position. That's why nobody spoke up.
This system, devised by upper management obsessed with cost-cutting and self-preservation, was marketed as employees "voluntarily taking work home," but in reality, it was nothing more than forced compliance.
I could only blame my past self for ending up in such a company.
Then, as I stopped by the convenience store late at night, I was suddenly enveloped in a strange light—
and the next thing I knew, I was here.
"This is the Kingdom of Zeles in the world of Jisgard. Ikou-dono, you have been summoned to a different world—what you would call an 'isekai'."
A man in a hood, resembling a magician, gave me a brief explanation, likely in response to my bewildered expression.
"Isekai?"
"Yes. Ikou-dono, you were summoned by the order of the King of Zeles."
The language spoken by the magician was one I had never heard before, yet for some reason, I understood it perfectly.
"...So basically, this is what you'd call an 'isekai summoning'?"
"I'm glad you understand quickly. It happens quite often."
"It happens often?"
"Yes. About half of the isekai summoning stories in your world's web novels are actually true."
"That's way too many!"
I couldn't help but retort at the magician's words.
But regardless of what kind of king he was, summoning people without permission was beyond inconsiderate.
"No, I need to get back home and finish my work."
"There is no way to return."
The magician stated this plainly, without the slightest sign of guilt.
What a selfish bastard.
"You should feel honored. Ikou-sama, you are to be engaged to Princess Katua. As the Crown Prince, you will lead this country as its next King."
"E-engaged?"
The sudden development left me no choice but to cry out in shock.
"The one seated over there is Princess Katua, your fiancée."
Sitting beside the throne, she was a woman with deep crimson hair, appearing to be in her early twenties.
She was beautiful, but she had an air of arrogance.
It seemed she was supposed to be my "fiancée."
"Nice to meet you, 'husband-to-be.' Forget about your old world. From now on, you will be my husband and devote your entire life to serving this kingdom as its 'Seiou'."
Princess Katua finally spoke.
As a marriage proposal, her words were shockingly condescending.
"'Seiou'? What's that?"
"'Seiou' means 'Sacred King.' Our kingdom summoned you to become our 'Sacred King.'"
"Sacred King?"
"It is a special position blessed by the gods. In terms of your world's concepts, it is similar to a 'Hero' or a 'Sage.'"
The magician answered my question. He seemed oddly knowledgeable about my world, making his explanations disturbingly easy to understand.
"Naturally, as a Sacred King, you can acquire appropriate magical abilities and special skills."
Magic, huh? So magic exists in this world.
Well, considering there was a magician capable of summoning people across dimensions, that much was obvious.
"Hmm. My magician, Rodman, verify the Sacred King's skills, just to be sure."
"As you command."
The magician then pulled out a heavily decorated book from his robes and tied a ribbon extending from the book to my arm.
Clearly, my opinion on the matter didn't concern them.
"O magic tome of appraisal, reveal this man's current skills and the skills he will acquire in the future."
The magician closed his eyes and chanted a spell.
It was apparently no ordinary book, as blank pages were soon filled with images and text.
The characters were strange, unlike anything I had seen before, yet somehow I could read them.
"First, I will reveal the offensive magic he can acquire."
The king, the princess, and the high-ranking officials all held their breath, eager to hear the results.
"Primary magic: 'Lotion'."
(Lotion? Like... the stuff they use in adult services?)
I recognized the term, but the king and the others, unfamiliar with the word, all had puzzled expressions.
"What kind of magic is that?"
"It appears to be a spell that releases a slippery liquid, Your Majesty."
"Oh! A water-based offensive spell?"
"No, it has no attack power."
"Then, is it some sort of poison?"
"No, it is a completely harmless liquid."
"Then what is it used for?"
"It seems to be used to enhance smoothness."
"???"
The magician's explanation only deepened the king's confusion.
"Is there no offensive magic?"
"There is. 'Scorching Candle'."
"Ah! A fire-based attack spell!"
The king sounded hopeful.
However, the magician quickly denied that as well.
"No, it's meant to be dripped onto human skin for entertainment purposes."
"Human skin? It's not for attacking monsters?"
"Based on the data, it appears to be specifically adjusted for human use. It cannot melt monster scales."
"What is the point of dripping it onto human skin?"
"It is meant to be enjoyed by observing the recipient's reaction."
"Hmm... a torture spell, perhaps? Are there any other fire-based spells?"
"No. 'Scorching Candle' is the only one.
—Oh?"
The magician suddenly raised an eyebrow in surprise.
"What is it?"
"Ah, with experience, the candle's temperature can increase."
"Enough about the candle! What about weapons?!"
The king, his patience wearing thin, shouted angrily.
"I will check for combat weapons. Please wait a moment."
"At this point, I don't care if it's a sword, bow, or spear—anything will do!"
"It's been determined. His preferred weapon is... 'Whip'."
"A whip?! That's useless against monsters!"
"The whip cannot be used on monsters. It is exclusively effective against humans."
"Only humans?!"
"It does not inflict fatal wounds. Instead, it causes pain and produces sound to instill fear."
"What's the point of that?!"
"There is an additional effect. The whip strips the target's clothing upon impact."
"Stripping them naked?! What kind of skill is this?!"
The king finally erupted in rage, like a volcano.
I mean, I understood his frustration, but it wasn't like I had chosen these skills myself.
"So what about riding? If he can't use weapons or magic, then at the very least, he should be able to summon a phantom beast and ride it, or else this whole thing is pointless."
"I will check. The summoned beast is...
── 'Wooden Horse.'"
"A wooden horse? What kind of phantom beast is that?"
"It is an ability to summon this kind of rideable object."
The magician opened the book and showed the king the illustration within.
It was a horse-shaped object made of wood, with a sharply pointed section where a person would sit.
It was, in other words, the infamous 'triangle horse.'
"...What is this?"
"It appears to be an instrument known as a 'triangle horse,' used for torture."
"A torture device? It does not move?"
"Correct. Since it is a horse carved out of wood, it does not move."
"What is it used for? Why is the riding section pointed?"
"It seems that women are made to sit on that pointed section for enjoyment."
"...Can he not ride an actual horse?"
"He has no aptitude for horseback riding.
Ah, but he has the highest aptitude for riding on top of women."
"What the fuck is he gonna do by riding a woman?!?"
The king's furious shout echoed through the whole palace.