"You're going to have to talk to me at some point." Otto sighed and leaned back in his seat again.
"Yeah, yer not gonna get rest before ya talk to 'em." Garfiel shrugged from the other side as well.
Between them, Julius was stuck holding his head in his hands.
"Leave me be. What I have done is not to be brushed off." The Knight's tone was cold, emotionless but no hint of a tremble.
Otto sighed again, unable to stop the pity from filling his eyes.
"Why do you not get that he was allowed to save those villagers and knights in the end because you helped him?"
"And now he must redo it all." Julius looked away, increasingly more agitated. "I had to see my sword make the swing. I… My ability to hold it… My power to make the arc that spilled Natsuki Subaru's blood… It was done by my hand!"
Otto and Garfiel exchanged a serious glance at one another.
"Cap'n livin' through somethin' like that and still call ya an amazin' knight under his breath must mean that he trusts ya." Garfiel's words earned a look of surprise from Otto.
The tiger smiled at the merchant. "Let me have this Otto-bro. Yer also beyond fucked up because of what ya saw yerself do under the Whale's influence."
Otto looked grateful and surprised at the blonde but Julius snorted.
"He threw him off a cart while I had to murder him." Julius glared at his knees, tears having been wiped away swiftly as soon as they were shed.
"Yer not thinkin' straight," Garfiel muttered.
"And you both are not thinking at all!" Julius slammed a fist on his armrest, glaring at the ground without any hesitation.
Otto and Garfiel look at the ground as well, both having expressions of tiredness and disappointment.
"I don't have anything to make this okay," Otto admitted in defeat. "Truth be told I don't even know how to get out of it myself… What you've seen… It's not easy to forgive yourself…"
Julius doesn't look at them. Just listens with his head in his hands.
"I just want things to go back to the way they were… Before we saw these secrets burdened by Natsuki-san." Otto gripped his knees uselessly. "Sorry… It's selfish."
"It's real." Garfiel waved him off, also leaning back into his seat, looking at the wall in the other direction. "Cap'n is one hell ova guy t' still smiling after all o' dis… Seriously."
"Keep it in your pants." Julius managed to joke for a moment, earning a small snort from both of them as they looked at the walls of the theater.
Wheezing through the damp air of the room was a sense of despair and agony portrayed by almost every faction present inside.
The shocking end to yet another one of Subaru's loops completely shook the audience to the core.
Many should've started moving to their rooms instantly to keep their privacy and mule over the viewing by themselves and take sanctuary in their rooms.
That is not what had happened.
With many on the brink of a breakdown and many trying to comfort those who found the showing of the last loop too heavy or brutal for them, the many factions present unconsciously dispersed to different corners and positions in the darkened theater room, not too far away from one another yet far enough to keep things private between them.
"I'm sorry…"
A lone voice squeaked out, the speaker sounding like she was sobbing in pain for a long time due to how exhausted her voice seemed. The beautiful silver-haired lady with tear streaks running down her hollowed cheeks was shown, hugging an unconscious black-haired youth while she placed her head on his chest for comfort.
The rhythm of his heartbeat was the only thing she focused on. The warmth of his breath tickled her hair as she propped his chin against her forehead. Feeling his body against hers as she listens in on the privacy of his chest, finding the heartbeats flowing against her ear as if they were a hypnotizing melody.
The distraught, guilty, horrified, beautiful lady could only tighten her grip on his sides and hold him as close as she could against her.
How could she have ever realized such things happened to him? All of this horror and pain. All of his redoing and struggle.
"I'm sorry you fought so hard…" Emilia whispered, her voice tired and showing signs of guilt as she squeaked out apologies into his chest, taking comfort in the boy's warmth pressing against her as she hugged him. The painful resolution to his struggles and pain was something Emilia could only shed tears when recalling. She remembered how the poor boy's sanity was overtaken and snuffed away by the dangerous madman, making Subaru nothing but a null puppet, fighting uselessly as the evil archbishop unfairly stole his body.
The silver-haired girl sobbed in heartbreak, clutching the boy's shirt as hard as she could.
"It's not fair…" Emilia growled while wiping her tears against her beloved's shirt.
The silver-haired girl couldn't help her anger from showing as she recalled how hard he worked. He defeated a 400-year-old calamity and went through Sloth's cult one by one until everyone was safe. He struggled, fought, and bled just to make sure no one else died.
And she was standing right there, a few steps away from him, his happy ending could've been obtained had she not been too busy wallowing in her selfish desire to be accepted by the people of the village.
And then Subaru's happy ending was so cruelly taken away in a matter of seconds.
Emilia's anger reached an unforeseen level as she raged at how unfair Subaru's life truly was. He was broken. He was murdered by most of his friends. His sanity was on the brink of destruction. His self-worth is practically gone without a trace.
All of this, he suffered just because Emilia was too busy wallowing in her self-pity.
"Every time I see more of what you go through I can't help but see how selfish I am for wanting your love," Emilia whispered in pity. Either for the boy who went through unimaginable pain just to make her smile or for herself and her greedy desire to be this boy's pillar of support. She wanted to make him feel better about loving himself. She wanted to repay every teardrop that was shed from his scary yet pretty-looking eyes.
His warmth was something so precious for her.
The image of his neck getting sliced by one of hers' and Subaru's dear friends while no one was looking, him accepting death so easily just to help everyone, letting himself be tortured by a certain healer's magic and getting cut down by a knight's sword in a forest with no one to help or cry for him.
She was just crying like a little girl because some people started accepting her… when the person who truly loved her was suffering the most brutal of deaths he had yet to experience.
Emilia's anger truly showed as she held the boy's chest tighter while pinning her face into his suit. Her eyes obscure behind her fallen silky hair. Her teeth showed to be gritted in a trembling fashion from her anger and frustration.
"You went through too much, Subaru."
Emilia whispered, her tone dark and cold as she let her anger for everything this young man had suffered overcome her.
Why should she forgive what this boy had suffered?
Why should she forgive the sheer incompetence of those who call themselves heroes yet are responsible for breaking and torturing the black-haired youth who had suffered and cried so much for their comfort and happiness?
No.
Emilia won't forgive them… She won't forgive herself…
She was selfish and greedy. She understood just how fake most of her relationships truly were. Puck, Geuse, Roswaal, the maids, the camps around her… they were all useless and greedy.
She saw with her own eyes what her mentor and beloved friend had become… a monster that hollowed out corpses everywhere he went.
She saw her 'beloved' Father torture and kill the innocent young man before destroying the entire world just because he had nothing to obsess over after she was dead.
Puck's crimes against Subaru's sanity will never be forgiven.
Emilia's gritted teeth could only show a small amount of the malice and hatred she felt for that 'father' she had been so sad for.
How ironic… the only person she thought would love her most was one of the greatest reasons for her suffering.
Puck wasn't like this innocent sleeping young man… He wasn't like her Subaru…
Subaru, the boy who suffered countless agonies and betrayals just to see her alive and well. He went through so many repeats and countless efforts to keep her breathing and happy. His sanity, his pride, his heart, his soul… everything he had was taken away from him, broken, bashed, stomped on as he died and repeated, failed, and succeeded time and time again.
All of this happened to him, while she was smiling in content with glee that someone was there to replace the hole Puck's absence left within her heart.
"I will never forgive him… I'll never let this happen to you again…" Emilia's oath repeated from her trembling lips as she held her head up and locked her eyes right over her knight's innocent sleeping one. Her tears never stopped yet her eyes filled with determination to stand by this boy who gave her his everything without asking for much.
Oh, how her heart was fluttering due to this position. How much she adored his sleeping face even though she couldn't see his nasty sharp eyes staring back at her with his usual love and passion. Her hand felt right when it was grabbing his. As if both of them were compatible with one another in more ways than one.
"I'll save you," Emilia promised as she set the fire of burning rage and determination within her heart, the last death she saw on the screen playing in her mind, making the half-elf lady glare heatedly in rage as she hovered over his face.
The elven lady softly placed her lips on his forehead, pecking him.
Stepping back, Emilia could only feel disappointment washing over her as she saw his closed-shut eyelids instead of the ones she adored, staring back at her with shock and a bit of happiness for what she just did.
The pleasure of knowing that she got this closer to him filled her guilt-ridden horrified heart with warmth and ease.
His last death played once more in the depth of her mind. The grimace she carried on her expression was enough to show just how much fear and disbelief were settled in the silver-haired lady's mind for the boy's journey.
And someone read that expression clearly and understood its contents with expert precision as they stepped closer to where Emilia hogged the boy in her superior elven grip.
Looking at the due with a scrunched-up look of disgust and upset as they stepped forward, their eyes were honed in on Emilia with a flash of anger burning inside of them.
It appears as if the person stepping towards Emilia held a deep hatred for the elf girl.
But it wasn't as simple as that. The person's eyes weren't glowering with hatred… but disappointment.
As they stopped right before the linked duo, only Emilia responded as expected since she was the only one awake.
Unlatching her arms from her knight and sitting upright with her tears having been wiped on the boy's chest. Emilia's confusion and surprise were hidden behind her forlorn expression as she looked at the shrewd smiling merchant candidate standing before her.
A warm smile, yet one rigid enough to show how fake and polite it is.
Emilia sooner understood the feeling growing in her stomach was a warning from this shrewd person. A person who had once abandoned her knight after fishing him out of advantage.
A person with a cute facade, yet a very cunning intellect as they gazed at her with stupefying concentration.
"Anastasia? What are you doing here?" Emilia asked in a calm confused voice, her nerves completely knotting as she was placed under the merchant queen's gaze.
The beautiful petite widened her smile, making sure to get a few rubs on her elegant foxy scarf as she plastered a warm, welcoming expression to the half-elf before her.
Regally, yet with her heavy-accented tongue, Anastasia spoke. "We need to talk."
The girl's tone was filled with nothing but venom, confirming Emilia's instinct and betraying Anastasia's fake expression and warmth.
Emilia's hand gripped tightly around the sleeping one of her knights.
Anastasia's eyes narrowed elegantly at the move.
"Useless to the very end. What's a girl like ya doing, runnin' for an election this important." Not phrased as a question but directed as a jab towards the elven princess.
Shocked by the sudden hostile words from the innocently smiling queen, Emilia was quick to sound her confusion at the jab.
"Why are you speaking this way, Anastasia-san?"
The merchant softly shook her head and glared at the silver-haired lady.
"Ya don' getta a chance to berate someone for causing so much misery and leave it. 'Every chance is an opportunity for gold' as Hoshin the Great said."
Emilia blinked a few times as her confusion increased at the words.
"I never did anything to you though. I don't understand why you are being so sour towards me."
The purple-haired lady narrowed her eyes dully at the confused Emilia, pursing her lips for a moment as she flickered her eyes to the unconscious boy sitting beside the ever-confused elf.
The merchant's eyes closed for a moment as soon as she saw his innocent face, the image of everybody he left behind in his loops playing in the darkness of her eyelids.
"You can't keep being this ignorant, Emilia-san." Anastasia opened her eyes and faced the bewildered Emilia with nothing but her determination clear in her eyes.
Emilia grew silent as she too narrowed her eyes at the merchant, noticing that, for the first time, Anastasia had faced her with an expression that didn't spell hidden intentions.
The shrewd merchant queen was compelled to speak with her face-to-face without an agenda.
She could see it in the green irises of the fur-coated lady.
Softly, Emilia let go of her knight's hand and patted an empty seat beside her as she met Anastasia with her own determination.
Hiding her surprise for a moment, Anastasia gazed at the girl she was about to berate in suspicion.
The half-elf simply nodded as her lips pursed into a thin line.
"Tell me what I'm missing, please. If it's to help Subaru… I'll need everything you can give me."
Hearing the desperate disgusting plea from this selfish girl that she didn't respect, Anastasia sighed and swiftly sat down beside her adversary for the throne.
"You really are troublesome."
"No need for hurtful words, Anastasia-san. I'm willing to hear you out."
"You don't seem to get how unreasonable you truly are. How could someone be so selfish?"
Ignoring the spite in the merchant's tone, Emilia glanced at her booted legs with a pursed lip.
"I want to know why you think I'm selfish… What is it that you have to say?"
Anastasia only glanced at the girl beside her with a raised brow, as if looking at a truly amusing sight. Remembering every painful moment of that last loop, the merchant girl trailed her eyes to the boy sitting beside the downtrodden Emilia.
"Ah….."
The merchant lady rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"If it's what ya need to help him… "
Emilia settled her eyes upon the annoyed merchant, her heart beating heavily as she noticed a glimmering warmth in Ana's tone when he was speaking of the boy.
An uncomfortable feeling of dread filled her for some reason she is yet to understand.
And she wouldn't understand why she was feeling this way anytime soon since the merchant queen faced Emilia with the expression of a disappointed parent.
"Let's talk about how it was your fault, hm?" Although sounding amused and cheery, Anastasia's voice was parental and blaming.
"What is?" Emilia asked with irritation filling her tone, not knowing why the candidate before her was this hostile with her.
In a second, Anastasia showed the expression of the most extremely annoyed person in the world as she answered.
"It was yer fault that Natsuki Subaru is dead."
Emilia's eyes widened in shock at the merchant's cold words.
Anastasia finally glared hatefully without a facade at the half-elf girl.
Both of them focus on one another, one in hate and determination, and the other in confusion and bewilderment.
They didn't notice… a hand closing into a fist softly, as if grabbing onto some phantom object.
The hand of the boy they both sat aside on a chair as they talked.
"Let me explain this to ya clearly," Anastasia declared as she picked up teacher-like prose, holding the same expression of strict invalidation she did when she used Subaru's desperation to get her information and taught him about his mistake in the dark loop.
Emilia stayed silent and held her gaze against Ana's as the merchant queen started her explanation.
"You're a very bad leader—"
"This ain't the time." A firm voice spoke from the side.
Emilia and Anastasia moved their eyes towards the newcomer who had a great choice of a glare aiming at Anastasia.
"To think ya of all people would say this…" Anastasia snorted as Felt narrowed her eyes.
"What's this supposed to mean now?" Felt glared at the lady in purple fur, not minding the equal glare thrown by the merchant herself.
"Ain't you the one who had Natsuki-kun in yer grasp twice but Emilia-san intervened?"
"Yeah, in one of those two times. I'm not removed from this bullshit either since I told Rein to leave Big Bro to his own space before Big Bro entered the fight against the Witch cult in this loop." Felt's glare narrowed. "Not like yer exempt either."
"She's not the one who left him behind in the capital," Emilia interjected against Felt's heated front towards Anastasia with a firm look. "Sorry, Felt-sama. But I don't want anyone to defend my mistak—"
"This ain't boutta be a pity party for ya, big sis. Sorry to ya, but I'm not letting this fox run her game." Felt cut Emilia off without a second of hesitation, which made Emilia frown, taken aback.
Felt faced Anastasia head-on with a full glare now, not hiding her furiousness. "She ain't street smart, besides being a pretty face. But I can see yer intentions from a mile away."
"What is…?" Emilia was confused at the words coming from Felt's mouth.
But Anastasia scoffed before she could continue her question.
"Bring yerself some rest, Felt-sama. This gal ain't a thief by all means. What I take is going to be repaid with an appropriate price from my estimates alone."
"Yeah?" Felt chuckled coldly. "What's the price for big bro?"
"..." Emilia's eyes widened enough to show the reddish veins at the edges of her eyes.
"We all know it." Felt scoffed, Anastasia didn't speak in defense of herself. "Bringing Big Bro to yer side wins ya the damn race, ain't it what got ya to invite him to the Watergate City in the first place?"
"Playin' that card?" Anastasia could only giggle without any acknowledgment of the betrayed look on Emilia's face. "That ain't what this conversation is about, Felt-chan. Though I do want to be clear that unlike some in this room, I ain't lookin' to make Natsuki-kun a tool for whatever chaotic plan where one can get back at the royals of the great city in Lugunica~"
"That ain't what I'm about!" Felt growled in outrage, earning more eyes on the trio of girls from throughout the theater.
"What is going on here?" Crusch immediately intercepted the two as Felt was closing on the lady with her hands balled into fists.
"Crusch…" Emilia breathed with relief and looked between the two girls with a heavy expression. "They are talking about something… really…"
Crusch could see that Emilia was overwhelmed by the conversation so she turned her glare towards Anastasia, the calmer one out of the three. "What is the meaning of this?"
"That little genius is accusin' me of being a thief, disregardin' my hard workin' nature is uncanny from someone so dead set on destroyin' things rather than rebuildin' if ya ask me."
"No one's askin' a bitch like ya how to run anythin'!" Felt grit her teeth as she tried to step closer towards Anastasia, being stopped firmly by a hand from Crusch. "Let me go at 'er!"
"That will be enough, Felt-sama." Crusch sternly warned. "This is no way to behave after all we've seen. This place is yet to be friendly to us and the person holding us hostage also has Subaru Natsuki in deep slumber. There's no time for this!"
"Wish that would matter to this bitch over 'ere!" Felt pointed at Anastasia with a seething expression. "But she's fine with wastin' our precious time to whisper absolute garbage to Big Sis and make her feel worse!"
Crusch glanced at Emilia curiously but the half-elf wouldn't meet anyone's eyes.
"Please stop…" Emilia whispered with a sigh.
"See?!" Felt points at Emilia and glances at Anastasia again. "That's all you!"
"..." Crusch looked at Anastasia with a questioning expression.
"This ain't the time for anyone in this room to dilly dally on someone's feelings. Especially not with how close we are to finishin' the story Natsuki-kun went through." The merchant queen sighed to herself and rubbed her scarf, not meeting Crusch's or Felt's eyes. "She needs to get a grip on 'erself before Natsuki-kun wakes up."
"The White Whale's Subjugation was a year ago, Anastasia-sama. I doubt much happened to him since then." Crusch countered level-headedly.
Anastasia's eyes narrowed at the duchess with something hidden. As if she knew something the rest did not.
But a certain voice stopped them from speaking anymore as she sobbed.
"Betty's Subaru is going through a cruel joke…" Beatrice, who held onto her sleeping contractor, began speaking to anyone who would hear what she had to say. "Not only is he dying so unfairly, in fact… After doing so much work, he has to relive these moments all on his own… And now you all want to fight over him?!"
The blonde's face couldn't be shown to them, but the rage in her voice as she hugged Subaru was not to be ignored so easily.
"Bring yourself some comfort, Beatrice-s~aaa~n." A voice resounded across the room, earning the eyes of the three candidates beside Emilia. "It's not like anyone would be surprised that Subaru-kun's ability would bring this type of affection from our finest c~aaa~ndidates, picked by the holy dragon himself."
Roswaal earned a glare from Felt with looks of patience from Crusch and Anastasia.
"Shouldn't ya be worried what's aboutta happen to Big Bro instead of lookin' so smug?" Felt growled but this didn't offset Roswaal's nonchalant attitude.
"What m~aaa~kes you think I'm not doing just that by observing you and our nefarious competition?" Roswaal smiled down at them, giving no threatening vibes.
"This guy's the Magi of Lugunica." Heinkel hummed to himself as Schult looked confused at the conversation happening before them.
"The magi…? Isn't he the one sponsoring Priscilla-sama's competition?" Schult glared at the nobleman immediately once he recognized a threat to his lady's throne.
"Eh? Are you somehow interested in politics, Schult-kun?" Al said from the side of their mistress while giving the boy a shocked glance.
"I'm sorry for eavesdropping but… I wanted to know more about what Priscilla-sama was facing during the selection to be able to help." Schult bowed his head to Priscilla who didn't even look at any of her camp members.
"Tis a great service that is expected of someone serving a divine, carry on." Priscilla merely waved the boy's worry away with a disinterest, keeping her eyes on the candidates below her instead.
"Fighting over Subaru?" Petra looked at them with a disappointed expression. "Has no one learned anything about what's been happening to him so far?" Her voice wasn't as loud as she wished it to be, as the painful tugging at her heart never left. "What we've seen is…"
"I know Petra-chan." Frederica shushed the girl and hugged her firmly. "Please do not blame anyone in the room, however," Frederica whispered over Petra's head. "You're seeing them all try their best."
"... I don't blame Julius-san… Even though I dislike him as a knight for his treatment of Subaru at the capital… I can never blame him for what he did at that moment." Petra surprised her mentor with the level headed response as she rubbed her face into Frederica's waist.
"Petra-chan… that…"
"Subaru's not backing down and that means he needs to redo things so he can save us, everyone in the village…" Petra did her best not to break her voice as she hiccups. "He… He needed Julius-san by his side. I understand. I saw what he saw… Everyone that the fire of the explosion burned… I…"
Frederica couldn't help but frown at the darkness that Petra embraced with ease because of the morbid scene that had played before them hours ago.
"Don't leave me… Please…" Petra hugged Frederica tighter when she felt the older woman trying to move her hand.
"I won't… Trust me." Frederica hung her arms around the little girl much more than she felt was appropriate but there was no care in her thoughts for such limitations anymore. "I won't ever let you go," Frederica said sternly with a warming support that was steeled on reaching Petra's heart.
"This isn't funny…" Al rubbed the back of his head, disliking the way Petra was sobbing over the bickering below him and Priscilla's row. "If pal wanted to entertain such a useless route like this, I had hoped it wouldn't be hurting me in any sort of way." His eyes lingered on the crying child in Frederica's grasp for a moment longer, before he was forced to sigh and look away.
"Tis the difference between you and the half-elf's dog, Aldebaran." Priscilla reminded him from the side with a bewitching smile.
"I wish I knew why this fighting excited you, princess. Please don't call me that." Al sighed and rubbed his helmet again. "I get it. Bro's gonna be the hero no matter what because he didn't give up where I have." Al scoffed under his helmet though hiding his true emotions.
"At least he isn't yearning for the impossible." Al refuted even though Priscilla hadn't replied with anything but her eyes lingering on him.
Priscilla looked away with a silence that rang heavy with Al's shame and loss as she had made him break character without even trying to entertain him with words.
"Tis your service to see what might please mine divine self the most. Between you both." She said nonchalantly, without a care while the knight beside her seemed to exude an air of danger that was very much unnatural for someone as cooled as him.
"Princess… Pal's not gonna give up, but that also means that he won't allow you to interfere with it." Al looked at Priscilla with pain in his eyes. "I wanted you to change because of him… But you want to change him to suit your own needs…"
"Don't be a fool," she plucked him with her fan, making him turn his head according to the powerful tap. "Nothing could change this divine who sits before you, except for mine whims." She scoffed another time with her eyes focused on the screen above. "And that boy's mind isn't going to do him any favors should he continue to be the hero of his story."
"You're saying he can't take it?" Al asked, disturbed.
"If mine jester couldn't take his trails… What says the Half-elf's clown is any better?" Priscilla merely raised a brow at him, filling Al with emotions that directly warmed his insides and filled him with dread at the same time.
"I'm nothing like Pal, princess. That's why I'm not of interest to you."
Another tab, this time sending him to the floor.
"Al-sama!" Schult let go of Heinkel's arm and dropped to help the one armed knight from the floor.
Heinkel looked from the fallen knight towards the lady sitting above him. He had a small focused scowl on his face. "He gotcha vexed, Priscilla-sama?"
"Trying to fish for affection using such pathetic tactics springs a boredom within me that you will be punished for at all times." Priscilla merely hummed above Schult and Al as she glared at the adult from them.
Al rubbed his helmet once again but didn't say anything.
"Stop it… Please… Just stop…" Emilia tried to interject once again from her place, standing above Subaru's sleeping form between all of the other candidates. Some looked at her with pity, while others were more inclined to glare at one another for intercepting each other's plans.
"I just want to be there for Subaru when he needs it!" Emilia's voice rose in a sudden burts of emotion. "As if I don't know what I'm missing or what other people in this room plan on doing to take advantage! I don't care about any of this! I just want to see him safe for once!" Emilia's tears began showing within the corners of her eyes, striking everyone with a feeling of frustration that's overcome her own ability to handle it.
Everyone stared at Emilia with looks of their own frustrations regarding this prison they were in.
"I wish this would end…" Emilia whispered, earning looks of surprise from the candidates and the maids. Some of the knights looked at her from their seats with faces of acceptance.
"I just…" Emilia swallowed once more. "I wish things can go back to what they were… When I was in his arms inside of that carriage… Nothing to come between us but Beatrice's cute antics and Otto's teasing… I…"
And a breaking noise overcame everyone's ears at that moment, interrupting her during her pause for comfort.
[I'm sorry, Emilia… There's nothing you or I can do to bring things back. Not that it matters to go back.]
Emilia responded by lowering her head and bringing her eyes towards the sleeping knight in his seat. "Don't make us watch more…" She whispered pleadingly.
Above everyone, those looking at Emilia with pity, the ones looking on curiously, and the ones watching with intrigue all gave looks of surprise, as the screen lit up once more, activating instantly without a second wasted for loading or discussion.
"Why is he… Why did he sound so…" Petra looked at the ceiling with worry as the man behind the voice went silent before Emilia's plea.
"Depleted…" Felix spoke for the first time since Crusch came to comfort him after the last viewing. His eyes were puffy, and his hands were shaken. His passion was gone to the point that he lost the warm, innocent glitter that he used for mischief on a constant basis.
"Y-Yes… He's… Really tired." Petra said to put emphasis on that fact.
[(Shadow Garden Scenes That Have been Cut From the Anime)
WHDAAA Chapter 5: Episode 4
Shadow Garden Scene 1
Ram stared at the boy in shock.
Subaru turned around and ran towards the ledge.
"Wait!" Beatrice called out in shock.]
Many eyes widened at the sudden scene which played before them.
"W-Why did it rewind to this moment?" Ram had to finally speak, still keeping ahold of her sister after Rem had broken down at the end of the previous viewing. She was shocked to see the one scene that would implicate her as someone who had caused Subaru to hurt himself alongside many others in the room. "Why is Barusu reliving my mistake once again?"
"This is not a continuation… It's a retelling of the same scene we had watched a while ago." Julius looked at the screen with a confused face, not knowing whether to be relieved or spiteful that the screan changed things aprubtly at time which he was most anxious to see the continuation of Subaru's story.
[The memory of them greeting him in his room.
The memory of when Rem bandaged his cut finger.
The memory of him and Ram studying together.
The memory of Emilia doing warm-ups with him.
The memory of him helping Beatrice with her books.]
"W-Why are we seeing all of this?" Rem didn't want to look anymore than she had to do so. "This is when he died to save me… After I had…" Her tears tore through every attempt to stay composed and she held her face to her open palms, even though they were shaking. Rem tried to sheilf herself from the eyes of everyone in the room, the scene above her putting a pressure that was most heavy on her heart over all those watching.
Even Beatrice, who was also a participant of Subaru's loop during this death had to give her a look of sympathy, remembering the harsh words she gave Rem when they first watched this scene and it got revealed how much Subaru was sacrificing to stay at the L. Mathers Estate.
"Betty's wish was to forgive you before Subaru had to die again, I suppose… But it's no matter now after he proclaimed his love without Betty's say so, in fact."
[Subaru's mind played these, solidifying his conviction. He ran faster, barefoot, towards the ledge and jumped.
"This is something only I can do!"
As he fell through the air, the memories of the twins broken apart by death played.
It was followed by a memory of Ram shouting.
"I'm going to kill you!"]
"Ram…" Garfiel winced after seeing that scene, as did many in the crowd, finding it painful to watch after all that the pink-haired maid had went through with Subaru. He looked down at the girl, willing to help her with kindness if she needed it but he reserved himself to watch her reaction instead.
All that Ram could give him or Rem was a slightly guilty frown, one that was tired, beyond exhausted even, and a small quiver in her eyes that proved to the world how shaken the usually sarcastic maid was by this scene.
"And I'm going to kill you a thousand times next time you choose this path for you… Your disgust for yourself shall be forbidden by me before all, Barusu." Ram's voice was weak but no hint of hesitation was heard from those who heard her vow.
"Sister…" Rem looked at her twin with a face of shock.
"Prepare yourself, sister." Ram cut her off with a firm tone. "The next one is a death he's done on purpose."
"I know," Rem nodded, looking down with a miserable face. "I know… It's his death to safe me after I…"
"Then watch it again. To understand that both of you are suffering form the same mental illness." Ram glared at her sister sternly, allowing Rem to sink deeper in her seat and try to hide her face in her palms.
[With that last memory on his mind… Subaru plummeted towards the spikes and rocks at high speeds.
"I'm going to save you!"
Closer…
Closer…
The spikes came closer.
*CRUNCH *
Natsuki Subaru… died.]
"He… killed himself?" Schult's face was etched with horror as he stared at the now-darkened screen. "When… when did this happen?"
"Seems the kid's been using his power 'splendidly,'" Heinkel muttered with a bitter sneer, glancing down at the others.
"He never used that power to manipulate any of us," Al interrupted the newcomers' speculations, his tone firm. "This is an old memory… He had to save someone who died, and he was blamed for it."
"So in the end, he was being hunted by those people and he STILL sacrificed what I've seen him sacrifice for 'em?" Heinkel looked beyond outraged while Schult gave Al a look of pure astonishment.
"He's amazing!" The little boy proclaimed.
"He's a moron and a glutton for punishment!" Heinkel shouted while slamming a fist on his armrest. "The hell do ya mean?! He fuckin' killed himself and put his neck up for slashing at the hands of someone that humiliated him in front of the whole capital gaurd!"
"Heinkel-sama…" Schult quited himself as the man before him oozed a hostile air due to his anger and frustration.
"Why are we seeing any of this shit anyway?!" Heinkel refused to answer to the boy's disappointed look. "This ain't important for us to understand that the kid's been living a fucked life. He deserves every bit if this is what's been happenin' before Juukulius put the sword up his throat—!"
Otto had to hold Julius as soon as the knight lunged to harm the Deputy Commander. Heinkel met both of them with a glare that showed him not caring about anyone's feelings.
"You know I am right, and before any of you can look down on me, remember how much that kid's put himself through just for nothing to happen but the same old end." Heinkel pointed at the pink-haired maid in the front row with her sister. "I don't know what ya both are cryin' 'bout but this shit's gonna get worse if ya compare his death now to the last one we've seen. I watched him fuckin' get frozen to death for fuck's sake. And now I have to see him throw himself off a literal cliff?! How fuckin' creative doe these get?! Am I gonna see a death via overeating or somethin'?!"
"Please stop…" Beatrice held a hand to her ears, not willing to hear more of the man's unsightly nature. "Just stop, I suppose."
Everyone wanted to stare away from the drunkard, refusing to give him the time of day due to how uncomfortable he made everyone.
"That's right," Heinkel growled under his breath, having Al and Schult shake their heads at him. But he didn't seem to care. Merely glaring at everyone who ignored him. "Look away because I said the truth."
[—All that was there was "nothingness."]
"What is this…" Emilia asked, the first of many at the sudden narration that played. "Why is Subaru suddenly speaking?" She looked to her side, seeming hopeful for a moment but dropping her face at the sight of his unmoving form.
"I wonder what this is, I suppose." Beatrice looked at the screen beyond frightened.
[Absentmindedly, he looked around the nothingness of his mind. Perhaps looked around was not the proper phrase. Eyes did not exist within his mind. Nor did hands, nor feet, nor any pieces
of his body. All that remained was his incorporeal, floating mind.]
"This is so scary…" Schult was the first to comment, unable to keep himself from doing so at the morbid explanation from the narrator.
"Why is Subaru-kun speaking in the third person?" Rem let go of her sister as she too seemed more bewildered.
"This is happenin' right as he was killed?" Anastasia mused to herself, sitting down in her usual seat with a eyes filling up with her interest. "So this means that he's been goin' through somethin' else within Return By Death's confines." She eyed Subaru strangely, giving him a second of sympathy and looked back up with calculated coldness to what she was seeing.
"How very interesting… There's more to it?" Roswaal muttered under his breath, eyes widening at the revelation. "There's always more to him than meets the eyes… Teacher…" His lips trembled as the scene above continued.
[Knowing nothing, aware of nothing, he looked about. Darkness. A room with nothing. A room that was a world without a floor or a ceiling, covered in pitchblackness so great that it defied thought.
Suddenly, in the world of everlasting darkness, there was meaning.
A silhouette abruptly emerged in "front" of his mind.
The contours of the silhouette were slender and as pitch-black as the rest, the upper body more of a fog, rejecting his mind's recognition. With the emergence of the human shape, the mind gained its first strong desire.]
"Strong desire?" Emilia looked like she was focusing on what was being said to her but the visual playing was haunting to a point of distraction.
"That is fuckin' freaky." Garfiel spat, growling at the imagery of the shadow figure that appeared before them. "I don't like the feeling of that shitty visual… Not at all…"
"Something tells me it's more than just animal instinct making you so wise at the moment, Garf." Otto sighed and glared at the silhouette. "What is this and why are we being shown it now."
[He felt a breach in the cold as the shadow gently moved as if to convey something to his mind.
He didn't understand. He was aware of nothing.
But for some reason, his mind could not avert itself from the shadow—
"—I cannot meet you. Not yet."
With that faint whisper, the dark world abruptly vanished, and in so doing, the shadow, and his mind, went with it.]
"Rah, rah~~! I don't like that at all! Mimi hates it! Too scary and creeeeeepy!" Mimi held her head and shivered downward due to the shadow's whispering in his ear.
Emilia and most of the cast seemed to be shocked like fishes in a sea market from how low each jaw hung.
"What the fuck was that?!" Felt asked the question on everyone's mind as she leaned forward with a focused expression. "The hell was that woman whispering to Big Bro?"
"But he was meant to be dead…" Emilia spoke in a low voice, finding her hand wrapping Subaru's sleeping one as she looked at the pitch black figure. "If he's dead… Who wants to meet him? And why not now?"
"Emilia-sama…" Crusch spoke with a serious tone. "There's a lot we don't know right now, but we have to realize that this could be a manipulation of events. Why would this window return the clock to a previous death this early on?"
Emilia didn't look at the duchess as everyone seemed inclined to stay silent and think about the question themselves.
"What does it have to gain by manipulating such an event like this?" Petra was the one who softly refuted Crusch without much bite in her tone. "It's been very accurate to show Subaru's side of things."
Though her voice was hoarse, Petra's words didn't give Crusch much negative emotion. Just a simple refusal to believe the illness of the window that the duchess protrayed which allowed Crusch herself to fall into silence, as she didn't have any answer to say.
"He… Cannot meet her…" Beatrice muttered under her breath, unwilling to break focus from such an unnatural state of being. "Who… Who is it?"
Roswaal was the only one with his face contorted into a very deep frown.
"Teacher's enemy…"
[WHDAAA Chapter 7: Episode 6
Shadow Garden Scene 2
"Roswaal-sama!" Ram shouted as she limped with her sister toward the lord.
"I'm sorry to cause so much trouble for you." Ram bowed while holding her sister.
"Oh, not at all. In fact, you both did fine work in my absence. I will most certainly show my gratitude for what you've done for me. You have my word." Roswaal smiled gratefully at the butler boy.]
"What's this?" Heinkel found himself less agitated and more confused than anything else so he spoke from the foreground. "How come this changed again? Ain't he dead and going through something?"
"We already witnessed what he's done after that suicide," Tivey grimaced as he mentioned Subaru's death offhandedly within his explanation to the man. "But this… It's a couple more days after he returns from death to save the village."
"Save the village?" Schult looked confused. He was interested in Subaru's journey, which allowed Heinkel to hide his own interest as well.
"We will tell ya later, kiddo." Al sighed, giving the screen a small tilt of his head. "This is a very interesting string of events… I guess bro always had to meet with her."
No one heard what he had to say, not even Priscilla who was sitting right beside him, owning the same calculating expression as her counterparts to the throne below her.
"Tis' a very interesting viewing this time around, indeed." Priscilla hummed while leaning back and crossing her leg, allowing herself to be entertained.
["Subaru-kun!"
Subaru could do nothing but stay crushed underneath Rem's body as she dropped on him and hugged him tightly.
"Rem, that hurts! Stop! I'm kinda hurt all over again."]
"I wish I could hug you like that a thousand times tighter and never let go," Rem whispered to herself as she held on to the hem of her skirt without allowing herself to even lean closer to the boy's sleeping body. "Why am I seeing this moment again? The moment I fell for my beloved without a single idea of what I had done to him?" She sniffled and kept herself back by leaning away and glaring at the screen with tearful eyes.
"Another skip…" Ricardo murmured from beside Tivey. "Thing's ain't lookin' clear but the guy didn't die in this one… Ain't he?"
"No… Natsuki-san didn't die after he was saved by the Margrave from the Boss-garlm." Otto noted sternly from the back. "This isn't just related to Return By Death."
Eye widned at Otto's words as they continued to watch.
[Rem was having none of it as she cried on his chest. "You're alive… You stayed alive… Subaru-kun! Subaru-kun! Subaru-kun!" She whined and cried into his chest.
"This again…"
Subaru's tired eyes rolled into the back of his head once again…
Darkness…
Subaru's mind was invited to the land ruled by the black shadow once more. There was nothing. Only his consciousness seemed to hover in space.
Subaru dimly realized that he existed. There was no one. There was nothing. Nothing began. Nothing ended. It was a world of no being at all.
Subaru felt like he had been cast into the sea at night. He let his mind float with the fickle sensation.]
"What an accursed nightmare this is…" Wilhelm spat without a care for how it would be perceived. "To not have a handle on where your limbs begin or end is a torture method used in the deepest of Vollahcia's dungeon pits… That is a prison of the mind."
"This isn't just a prison, Old Man Wil, nyan," Felix muttered after the old man was finished. "This is a seamless challenge to Natsuki-kyun… A reminder that he can be summoned into the dark at any moment, whether it be by Return By Death or by being knocked out apparently…"
[Abruptly, a change came over the world of darkness.
In front, directly ahead of Subaru's mind, someone stood.
The shadow grew vertically. Before he knew it, a human silhouette stood before Subaru.
He couldn't see its face. The shape was indistinct. But he vaguely thought that it had the shape of a woman.]
"Who…" Emilia, like most watching behind and around her looked at the shadow with differing degrees of shock and intrigue, but hers was most fearful of expressions as she stared at the unclear shape of the woman. "Who is she…"
"She has power over Subaru-kun…" Rem's voice was breathless from her shocking string of thoughts that began a chain of widening eyes across the room.
"Do you think she is…" Tivey looked to his leader and camp's candidate, Anastasia with his most desperate of expressions.
The merchant queen had a ghostly look to her as she stared at the screen above them.
[The shadow wavered and slowly reached out a hand.
For some reason, when her fingers gently grazed his mind, Subaru wanted to weep. The wave of strange emotion washing over him suggested that he had always been waiting for her to do so.]
"No…" Emilia whimpered under her breath without a second thought. "This pain in my chest… Subaru… You mustn't do something so awful…"
"Waiting for who to reach him? Subaru-kun doesn't even know this woman…" Rem held her tone from breaking apart, the screen's pressure becoming unbearable for her and Emilia as they watched.
Al snorted from the background, giving Subaru a small look from his vizor and looking at the floor.
"She ain't gonna need that love, pal. You must've promised the same thing I did to her considering how hard you work." Al muttered to himself and leaned back in his seat. "But then again… You've survived worse."
[He had an instinctive desire for the wriggling shadow to embrace him, to swallow him whole—and then it stopped. Something had stopped it.]
"What could stop such a disgusting thing?" Ram muttered with distaste, showing the screen's vision of the black figure no greater respect than a cockroach.
"Why does Subaru want to be embraced by it? It's not right…" Petra said with a small frown, not understanding what was going on herself.
[Subaru's mind realized that there was another shadow, its white fingers embracing him from behind.]
"Another one?!" Otto couldn't help but rub his hand through his gray hair in frustration. "Natsuki-san… Who's doing this to you…" He felt worthless watching this alone.
"This is not just one entity working to keep him stuck in his subconsciousness…" Julius spoke firmly from beside Otto, surprising the merchant. "This is something much more than just Subaru or the one keeping him tied to Return by Death as a form of magic or ability."
"Are we sure that he isn't the archbishop of Pride?" Heinkel asked this from the knights who were technically still commanded to report ot him even if they were off duty to help with the selection. His face was curious but his eyes bore nothing but dislike for the entire situation from the start.
[Her touch felt soft, and not just warm but hot.
The instant Subaru felt that heat, the shadow before him rapidly faded away.
He faced his front. His heart trembled. He shouted ferociously. But the world of nothingness had no sound.]
"Why are you shouting as if you're in pain for being away from her? W-Who is this, Subaru?" Emilia asked with a desperate look. "I'm trying to understand but…"
"Emilia-sama… Please be patient." Crusch found the ability to keep things calm a bit faded within her as things got more desperate the more they watched.
[He was left behind as the shadow became distant, fading, fading away.
Finally, the shadow serenely stretched her fingers out toward Subaru, who was nearly in tears.
"—ve you."
Even the words he could not hear faded, and the world fell apart.]
"What was that?" Felt was the one to ask, raising a brow in confusion. "The heck did she say?"
"I didn't catch that either," Frederica nodded her head, frowning at everything being shown. "This is frustrating."
"It's grating," Priscilla interjected with a bored tone, giving the screen a stink eye from the back. "Wastin' mine time on such a squandered meeting with no substance or meaning shall earn the ire of mineself."
"As if the window or the guy who's dying behind it care," Felt chuckled dryly without any humor in her voice as she faced Priscilla from the front. "Ain't no way out, princess. It's big bro's show and we are seeing some weird crap for his recovery to come faster."
"Tis what you think due to commoner logic and insistence on keeping your place as a rival to mine throne." Prisiclla scoffed her off and continued to watch over everyone who were busy looking at the screen in confusion.
[WHDAAA Chapter 10: Episode 8
Shadow Garden Scene 3
*CRAAAACKKKKKKK *
Before the snowstorm could cover him, Subaru's frozen neck sluggishly moved forward to stare at the mansion's front gate.]
"Another change…" Reinhard found himself more than frustrated for the lack of explanation about what was going on but his focus was pulled on the screen to read through it's exposition. "It seems like everytime he goes unconcsious, there seems to be a warp in events."
"Why were we not shown this before now?" Tivey voiced his own frustration. "This could've been influential far better when we first saw these deaths and faints he went through."
"Are ya jokin'? So this is some new stuff we are watchin' with these guys?" Heinkel groaned into his palms, recognizing the pain on Subaru's face. "The Beast of whatever will kill 'em again, eh?" Heinkel inhaled with a large frown. "I need a strong drink after this."
[A giant head had sprouted out of the ceiling of the great estate.
The monster with cold, empty, yellow shining eyes turned its neck to tilt its head as some sort of parallel to Subaru's own turn.
The beast's eyes fell on Subaru across the thick snowstorm and tundra that had spawned around the Roswaal lands.
"Sleep…" the same voice that had killed Subaru in the last loop spoke toward him.
"Sleep. Along with my daughter."
Subaru couldn't say anything. As his entire form was frozen solid. And as the wind picked up.
The boy's head rolled off of his body with no weight or pushback.
And his kneeling corpse remained a frozen statue, holding a dead girl's body.
His face would remain discarded into the dirt, buried underneath the layers of falling snow.
A frozen land. An ice turned world.
That's how Subaru Natsuki died.]
"That's a damn joke," Garfiel grunted and looked away, far more in touch with his emotions to be used to this sight. "Ain't gonna let this fucker live in peace after that."
"I take back everything I said." Heinkel sighed and looked away from the beast on the screen, his hands trembling pathetically. "I need a really strong drink, now."
Emilia and Beatrice looked away from the screen, not willing to give Puck the time of day but not wanting to see him in that form anymore as both girls stared at different spots of the front-row floors.
"I hate it…" Emilia whispered as Beatrice nodded her heard her. "Puck… I hate what he's done…"
"Not like we can change what Bubby's done to Subaru now…" Beatrice muttered with distaste filling her tone. "Bubby will pay for it creatively, in fact."
"Yes… Mhm…" Emilia nodded her head with a big frown remaining on her face. "He will learn… He will apologize… Puck's not a bad spirit by all accounts."
Ram winced at the sight of her sister's corpse and moved to hold on to Rem tightly by the arm. Which the blue-haired girl received with a complete hug of her own as she too wanted Ram closer than ever.
"I'm sorry, sissy…"
[Subaru Natsuki melted. He melted, he melted, he melted, and then disappeared.
—He realized that his mind was in deep, deep darkness.]
"Back to this narration…" Felix whispered under his breath, looking creeped out by the screen's imitation of Subaru's voice.
Rem flinched forward at the realization she had. "Subaru's been stuck in this void every time because of me…"
"That's a bit much to say," Reinhard tried to refute it but shook his head instead. "Focus on figuring out what this woman wants."
"We don't even know who she is," Felt whined, slamming a fist on her armrest out of irritations, Petra found herself scowling at the floor once Felt had said this.
"It's very clear who this is." She whispered to herself without allowing Felt or Reinhard to hear. "Everyone should have known who this was from the very beginning."
[His consciousness, dead to the world within the expanding, eternal darkness, shifted its gaze in search of any change. It wondered just how long the pitch-black world of the end would continue. It felt as if it had been locked away, completely beyond the world's reach.
What is this place? What am I doing here?
It was odd for him to have such questions. To begin with, he didn't understand who he was to be thinking in such a manner.]
"Imagine dyin' like that and suddenly being thrown 'ere…" Ricardo shuddered visibly, watching with a dreadful look on his face. "This ain' one of his easiest deaths either."
"Ya fuckin' rated them?!" Heinkel snorted in disbelief, almost tearing his hair in pure outrage at Subaru's stupidity. "What kind of hell is this?"
"I'd rather we focus on what's happening on the screen, please." Julius glared at them both but kept a firm look strictly for the theater as it continued to showcase the hellish situation. "This isn't a punishment for the most vile of monsters even… Yet he is dealing with it alone."
"Subaru…" Emilia whispered to herself, holding his hand far harder than before as she continued to watch. "Please… Don't feel that intensity towards another one of those shadows…"
[His mind was all that hung in emptiness, lacking any body to support it or receive its thoughts.
He stood. His legs were on the ground. But what he thought was beneath
his feet blended with the darkness covering his vision, and so his footing was
uncertain.
—Abruptly, there was a change in the vast world of nothing but darkness.
A shadow warped and flattened out, and a crack emerged in the nothingness. Without a sound, the rip in space rent apart the world of eternal darkness, connecting the interior of that void to another void.
Just after the momentary anomaly, a lone human silhouette emerged from the widening crack.]
"I can't see who it is!" Mimi whined while jumping up and down on Ricardo's armrest. "I wanna know who this is!"
"Be calm, Mimi." Julius surprised Tivey by being the one to calm the girl down from the front row. Julius put himself forward in his seat, with his hands fingers tight like knots, showing seriousness.
"You understood something," Otto said like it was a fact, eyeing Julius.
Garfiel gave Julius a look of interest as well. "Ya got somethin' Bright Knight?"
"Bright?" Julius glanced at Garfiel for a moment before shaking his head. "It's… What I am assuming is merely a theory…"
Otto and Garfeil looked to one another as Julius settled back in his seat with a hand on his chin as he continued to watch.
"I need to see more before saying anything."
"—"
[He thought that the figure was a woman.
The instant he recognized it, emotions he could not put into words nearly took over his mind.]
"Emotions filling him?" Schult was the one to speak as bewildered expressions rose on the theater occupants. "That's… That's not nice at all… It's just an insult to someone's heart."
"What are ya talkin' about kid?" Heinkel grunted, happy to take his eyes off of the freakish looking shadow before them on the screen. "Ain't no way that narration was saying that emotions were spawnin' inside his mind."
"But it said that something filled his head…" Al sounded offishly calm to the others, to the point Wilhelm had to glare at the knight for a moment before turning back to the window above.
[He felt fierce, explosive emotions well up. He wanted to run to the figure, embrace her slender body, put his lips to her nape, to drive home that he was himself.]
"What…?" Crusch was the only girl strong enough to comment with a deep frown on her face. Emilia and Rem remained within their seats, looking at the screen like fish out of the river.
"Subaru-kun… What is this?" Rem tried not to sound betrayed as the voice of her beloved explained what was happening to them between him and the darkened shadow. "Who is she…? Why not speak about her…"
"..." Emilia's eyes widened, with her face showing heartbreak of a new magnitude that she couldn't describe or take.
[And yet, he lacked the legs with which to rush to her, the arms with which to embrace her, the lips with which to kiss her and prove that he existed.
Even though his chagrin made him want to cry, he didn't understand why these emotions manifested.]
"This is insanity." Felix leaned back with a whitened face. "I feel like something's running under my skin hearing this… Nya…"
"I don't disagree," Reinhard said with a deep glare aimed for the darkness above. "This is disturbing… And it appears that Subaru doesn't know why he feels this way if the narration is to be believed."
"It's dumping feelings into Cap'n's mind?!" Garfiel growled while glaring upwards. "This ain't no love or passion!"
[He didn't know. He didn't understand. He comprehended nothing.]
"Subaru…" Beatrice whispered weakly as she held leaned back into his warm chest, feeling his heart beat against her head to make sure their connection can be felt in his sleep. "You can understand and comprehend everything when you are with Betty, in fact. I won't leave your side until you wake up, I suppose."
Emilia couldn't help but give Beatrice a look of sympathy.
[But the figure seemed to understand how he felt, slowly reaching out with her arms, somehow closing the unchanging distance on her own. Those two hands gently came close enough to firmly embrace him.]
"Get away…" Rem whispered and held a glare for the shadow woman. "Get away from him!"
Emilia's breath was taken away as she watched the black shadow hug the perspective of the window.
"No shape or face visible, not even hair color or body background…" Tivey muttered from behind them, making Emilia realize that he's been analyzing the scene to help them figure out information about the shadow even with the increasingly unsettling events. "I can't… I can't figure this out…"
"It's okay, fella." Ricardo sighed and patted Tivey's head.
Emilia frowned, feeling disappointed that her distraction form what was happening above was silenced.
[As the fingertips touched him, great happiness flooded into him, as if joy was gushing from every cell in her body, filling every nook and cranny of his consciousness.]
Emilia wanted anything to distract her from what was happening above. She didn't understand why this was being shown now, why Subaru was somehow unaware of who this was and why he felt this way about them. She didn't even know if he was naturally feeling these emotions to this other person out of his own accord.
"The way he describes it… Subaru feels something akin to…" Emilia's voice trailed off, hoarse and tired but her eyes shone with realization.
[And then she said…
"—I love you."]
"It's obsession!" Wilhelm grunted from the back, as shocked faces filled the room from the candidates, even Priscilla, to the mercenaries and knights beside them. The most special of shock had come to the maids and their lord within the room.
"What love does she speak of?" Ram looked at the window with dislike clear in her eyes. "Such a one-sided illusion like this must've damaged Barusu's perception of his feelings…"
"H… He feels the same amount of intense feelings for this woman… W-Who…" Rem looked beyond heartbroken, she was devastated as she remembered what the narration described. "I wanted to hold him and whisper it in his ear when he woke up…"
"..." Petra's face was ghostly white, the little girl pulled her legs toward her chest as she trembled in place. Frederica was too busy gazing with shock at the increasingly suffocating scene to the point she forgot about the child next to her.
Petra's eyes held a strong light within them however, she was the fastest one to grow out of her shocked state, with fear overcoming her body language except for the eyes. The ones that glared at the window with hostility a moment later.
"Your scent will leave him… I swear it." Petra whispered while everyone around her reacted.
"... This is horseshit…" A man whispered under his breath as well from the back, holding his armrest tightly, oozing a dangerous air around him after hearing those two words. "Ain't no way that this fucking… There's no way she said that to him… I promised her… I promised I'd kill her…"
[WHDAAA Chapter 14: Episode 12
Shadow Garden Scene 4
"Ferris!" Julius shouted furiously.
"No one else can do it, can they?" Felix turned with tears falling as he glared at the knight. "This is what Subaru-kyun wants!"
"But still…"
"Do you think I did that because I wanted to? To use the power meant for Crusch-sama, the power I swore to our leader, for this?!"]
"Shit… Back here?" Felt removed the shocked expression from her face and looked at the window with concern. "This ain't a funny joke. Why ain't this being explained?" She looked toward Subaru's sleeping form with pursed lips. "Big bro… Ain't it a bit much to have some weirdo fill yer head with such intense druggin'?"
"Julius…" Reinhard turned from his lady toward his friend, giving his best look of sympathy and support to the knight sitting at the far end of the first row, parallel to him.
Otto and Garfiel also grimaced like Reinhard as they looked away from Julius a second time so the knight could keep his dignity.
Julius merely closed his trembling eyes and let his head fall down, giving up his neck for the scene to be replayed once again.
"Ferris…" Crusch didn't hold the same care for her knight's dignity as Anastasia who reserved to simply pat Julius' shoulder. She moved her eyes towards Felix and brought a hand to pat the head he was lowering behind Emilia because that's where he was sitting. "That power was used for a good cause because you weilded it… Do not do this to yourself again."
"I… I'm trying, Crusch-sama. I'm trying my best but I can't see it happen like this." Felix shook his head and let some tears fall once more as the scene played his use against Subaru-kyun."
Crusch had to exhale tiredly, giving Subaru a sympathetic glance of her own too, even if he couldn't see it, she hoped he would feel it.
[As the two shouted at one another, a third voice intervened.
"Ah, it can't be, it can't be… "]
Beatrice and Emilia winced, not at all prepared to hear their friend using Subaru's body once again.
[Both looked back in shock, Subaru's paralyzed, slumped body now began twitching and manically shaking as he spoke in a disturbing deep tone… his eyes wide and expression completely mad.
"Just when I'd found such a perfect vessel… just when the completion of the Ordeal was at hand…"]
"Fuck this Ordeal whatever it is." Heinkel looked at the screen with a mix of fear and an angry glare. "Just up and die already." Schult was nodding his head to Heinkel's words, giving his first mean expression to the entity occupying Subaru's mind.
[A blade was tipped at Petelgeuse's neck as Julius glared down at what used to be Subaru Natsuki.
"It was my lack of virtue that forced this undesirable decision on you and Ferris," Julius spoke with a voice filled with pain and eyes that had no light in them.
"I'm sure I'll be punished for it one day."
Julius raised his blade in the sky as Petelgeuse struggled in Subaru's fried body.
"I will never die…" He uttered in pain as The Greatest Knight swung his sword backwards.]
"Whether it is Subaru or Sloth speaking to me in that moment… I do not know…" Julius' voice was the only one heard in the room, as the tragic scene played above him. All eyes turned to the knight in that moment as he relived a second reaction to the replay of his greatest sin.
"But know that Sloth walks no more due to the strength of the man who I struck with that blade." Julius clenched his fist in the same manner his spirits would love to see had they been here to watch him. "No matter who said it, I recognize at least that I had someone stronger than a thousand men bear the brunt of my blade."
That, forced most to look at the knight with astonished glances.
"You lot are crazy… How can you use this to make him out to be a martyr instead of trying to see that fighting his fight was stupid?" Heinkel asked from behind the entire room, looking overwhelmed by Julius' conviction to respect Subaru even during his time seeing the boy die by his hand.
"It's the only way to go about this," Julius grunted, glaring at the floor with guilt and shame.
"It's only going to bring this same scene over and over again on that stupid boy," Heinkel replied without hesitation, earning glares from everyone. "Could've just run away without anyone needing to take responsibility like that. Stop blaming yerself when it's clearly the kid's fault that ya had to be there in the first place."
Julius didn't reply to him, simply looking on as the blade glimmered on the window.
[And then… Julius sent the sword slashing toward Subaru's neck.
The screen showed Emilia suddenly looking back at the direction of the forest. Worried.
Subaru Natsuki failed once again.
He died.
Killed by Julius-Juukulius' blade.]
Most of the Emilia camp had to look at the screen with heartbroken expressions at what Subaru had gone through.
"Jeez… It's harder to watch the second time around." Felt rubbed a hand through her blonde hair, giving a small glance of pity to the two knights who were responsible for the killing of Petelguese in Subaru's body. "I'm kinda thankful… That Big Bro had this power in the end."
"..." Reinhard looked down with a hint of shame filling him. "If I had done what I could, there would be no need for such a power.
"I can't stop imagining what it would be like," Rem looked down at Subaru from her spot behind him. "How would it be like if he had no Return by Death… What was it like for those other versions of us that were left behind with Subaru-kun's corpses…"
"No time is more important than the present," Ram shook her head. "Leave that thinking to someone who can imagine it."
Rem looked at her sister with curiosity. "Sister?"
"I do not want to imagine what would've happened if I was left with Barusu's corpse at the end of that cliff… Or if he hadn't killed himself to save you on that cliff…" Ram gripped her dress for the first time ever in this theater, holding on to her sister with the other hand. "Barusu's done too much for us to think about such endings."
"Sister." Rem's chest was filled with warmth, the opposite of what she should feel after seeing yet another horrible unfair death happen to Subaru. She ended up hugging Ram closer.
[It was dark. An entire world of nothing but darkness.]
"No…" Julius let his head fall into his palms as his face grimaced in pain.
"Seems like this narration is playing a moment he lived right after this last death as well…" Crusch spoke the obvious to them.
"We can see that, clearly." Felt dropped her head into her hands as well with annoyance and desperation filling her expressions. "Think there's somethin' 'bout this one that's gonna be more special?"
"Special?" Anastasia finally gave an inquiring look to Felt, rather than the annoyed, disgusted glances. "You say that because this one happened after the last viewin'? Seems arbitrary."
"sEeMs ArBiTrArY," Felt didn't seem to let go of her earlier spite towards Anastasia.
Anastasia looked at the blonde with murder in her eyes, but sighed and ended up looking back towards the window above.
[He was tossed into a hazy world, seemingly floating in water with no sense of left or right, up or down.
His body was unable to move at all. He couldn't feel his hands or legs, and he doubted his eyes and ears were functioning.
With his mind so dazed, any thoughts he tried to formulate simply slipped out of his brain.
Where is this? Who am I? What happened to make it like this?
What little consciousness he held on to resulted only in ramblings that made the darkness flicker ever so slightly.
"—I love you."
In that pitch blackness, a voice penetrated deep into his heart. It hung in his unhearing ears. It reached what should have been his still, unbeating heart. It found his soul, which was still unsure of its own existence.]
"It's not clear enough for us to listen to probably…" Otto commented, finally taking more focus on to evaluating the voice's origins as everyone else in the Emilia camp found it more interesting to glare or watch with concerned faces.
"How come this voice says it to him without awaiting an answer?" Schult asked this with a small innocent tilt of his head. Priscilla had to pat his head as he continued. "This doesn't seem fair to Subaru-sama."
"Because this isn't love," Priscilla answered him, looking more angry than any of the people inside of the theater which surprised most. "Tis but an imitation of disgusting obsession."
Wilhelm had to give a small nod to her words.
"... I hope he's saved soon." Schult looked down with sympathy filling his eyes. "No one deserves to be sunk into the dark like this."
Petra eyed the little boy with a small hint of gratitude and surprise. She didn't expect someone to bring themselves on a human level with Subaru's situation based purely on emotion after seeing so many unnatural things happen to him. Not in this room where everyone is a jaded character from a background of multiple personal tragedies.
[He wailed as the voice touched him directly, its wild, mad emotion pressing in on his heart.]
"Stop…" Emilia couldn't help her heart break from manifesting deeper into just this word. "Please stop." She said, looking at the window with a frown.
"Into his heart? What the hell?" Garfiel seemed more aghast than angry this time around.
[The voice was so terribly fleeting. The whispers wrenched his heart, filling it with such longing that it threatened to shatter. Hearing words lovely enough to scorch his soul made him feel like he would go mad.]
Roswaal's eyes widened, increasingly, the interest never left his eyes as he leaned back and watched every scene run its course through the window. He kept to himself with many thoughts running through his mind.
"You feel drunk with maddening love from a witch that overcame reality itself… Yet you still persist…" Roswaal's voice was low and hinged on everyone looking at the screen with their shocked and astonished faces because of how creepy things had gotten within the void. "No wonder the gospel failed to hold you down, Natsuki Subaru… It is the Witch of Envy that truly gives you the power to combat my teacher's words… As always…"
The magic lord closed his eyes, giving a slight smile under his gloved hands. One that was relieved, warmed by the ease of where his thoughts had taken him.
"Please stop…" Rem whispered from behind Subaru, something Roswaal could hear clearly because of how intense he felt at the moment. "Don't give into this entity, Subaru-kun."
"It's not an entity," Petra whispered from the side, also heard by Roswaal though he seemed to be the only one that took notice of the little girl's angry glare towards the window.
"So many of you but none could see what Subaru's guardian is saying," he chuckled to himself, feeling more and more elated by what he was seeing. "She loves him… Teacher managed to make the Witch's beloved apart of her grand plans, all while using me to make it happen… Oh how merciful she is…" Roswaal's smile was sick and twisted with acceptance and pleasure for his realization.
[If I had fingers, I would touch you.]
Many blanched at the way he spoke to the shadowed figure.
"No…" Emilia whispered with pain tugging at her chest. "Don't give us that… Don't talk with that passion about…" Her voice broke along with her expression as she froze in place.
[If I had a mouth, I would call your name.]