It has been half a year since that night in London. I heard that he and Miss Bai have already gotten married.
The winter in the temperate zone is no longer outside the window, and the acacia blossoms on the branches, just like the lights in London, have no clear outlines, only colorful halos. I must attend the interview this afternoon, prepare for the October concert, attend Chen San Tai's banquet, and handle various matters. It is not the time to go look at flowers or think about colorful lights. But the taste of this smoke is different from before, even more intense now. Once the breath accumulates in my lungs, it really feels like it's hard to breathe.
"Are you okay? I told you to smoke less," Dai Yanzhi mumbles as he looks at his phone on the sofa in the lounge. "You never smoked before, but He Tiantian is a heavy smoker. Now, it seems you're about the same as her."
"Look who's trying to tell me what to do." The cigarette butt is pressed into the transparent ashtray, and the last spark goes out.
"I'm just worried about you getting too much heat," he says, his eyes still on the phone, his words continuing. "You just coughed a couple of times. It's getting closer to autumn, and the end of summer in Beijing has big temperature fluctuations. Don't catch a cold."
"Mm." I say, lighting another cigarette.
"I just told you to smoke less." He puts his phone down and looks at me.
"I'm fine, this is the last one. There's too much work lately, I'm a bit tired." Before I finish speaking, the cigarette is already in my mouth.
"Oh, by the way, where's He Tiantian?" He stands up and paces a few steps.
"She's on leave. Something at home." I glance out the window, where the acacia leaves are within reach.
"Should we hire another assistant? She's often not around." He's standing beside me now, somehow.
"It's fine, lately I've been wanting some peace. Although there's a lot of work, the remaining tasks can be handled by the company people." I exhale, and the feather-like leaves tremble.
His hand rests on my shoulder, and he says, "Take care of your health."
"Okay." At this moment, I should smile at him.
"I'll go check when they'll come to do your makeup." He quickly turns, a trace of bitterness flashing in his eyes.
He sees through my smile, but doesn't expose me.
"Teacher Shan called me yesterday, saying I should take good care of you while you practice." He walks to the door, hand on the handle, grinning. "Young master, looks like I'll always be your book boy."
"What's wrong with being my book boy?" I grin, unconsciously lifting my head.
"Okay, okay, I envy you, alright? Hahaha." He opens the door and runs out.
It's just an interview for a music festival hosted in a semi-official way. Apart from the musicians' association, there are a few people I'm not very familiar with, but it shouldn't be too hard. Even with full preparation, there are always unexpected questions during interviews, especially if I encounter some young hosts with little experience—then it becomes difficult.
Sure enough, the controversy from last year's end has continued until now. I guess I can't avoid it. When the young, beautiful host mentioned his name, the microphone in my hand became damp and cold, and I just wanted to throw it far away. Dai Yanzhi was sitting in the audience, watching me with a grim face, lips tightly shut, eyes fixed on me, not backing down.
"Don't ask him such questions!" Many voices from the audience cried out.
I instinctively waved my hand, pressed my lips to the microphone, and barely said, "All of my heart and soul, my love, are in my music."
A thunderous round of applause broke out, and there were even some sobs.
I never show weakness in public, but when I saw the expressions on the faces of the audience, it felt like I was seeing the expression on my own face. I forced a smile at the corner of my mouth, trying to comfort the audience or perhaps comfort myself.
After nightfall, on a whim, I called He Tiantian. She was back in Beijing, all was well. I then called Dai Yanzhi and Chen San Tai's daughter, Wan'er, and invited a few old acquaintances from the entertainment circle to go to a KTV to drink and sing. After a few songs and finishing a few bottles of red wine, everyone was in a mess. The door to the private room opened, and a fragrance covered the room's mustiness, like the female host who interviewed me years ago.
"Hahaha, Chen Jie, what brings you here?" A wave of unnatural joy hit me, making me burst into laughter.
"It's rare, Tiantian asked me to come," she said as she put down her bag and sat next to He Tiantian.
"What song do you want to sing, Chen Jie? Don't hesitate, we'll get your song up there first," He Tiantian said, pulling Chen Jie toward the karaoke machine. "The next song is Chen Jie's, no one better take it."
"Has Ye Xi sung yet? I want to hear him sing first," Chen Jie looked at me and smiled slightly.
"He just sang, with that duck-like voice of his, you'd better not listen to it," Dai Yanzhi said, crossing his legs and stretching lazily.
"Then I'll help you choose a song. We can sing together," Sister Chen walked up to the karaoke machine and said, "How about 'The Roof'?"
"Sister Chen, it's been so long since we last met, and you're already giving me a quiz. That's not very nice." I tried to open my eyes, and it seemed like I nodded.
Naturally, we sang. People around us were talking amongst themselves, sometimes laughing at me, sometimes clapping and praising Sister Chen. I remembered, many years ago, Sister Chen had asked me if I wanted to go to a KTV, and I said I never did. She said she didn't either, but she thought it was great, and hoped we could both stick to it. At that time, we smiled shyly in front of the camera. Now, the laughter seemed even more uninhibited, simple and direct. Both the laughter and the alcohol didn't stop, continuing along with the singing until late into the night.
We sang all the songs we could think of, and at some point, Chen San Tai's daughter, Wan'er, sat down next to me. She made a phone call and then invited two handsome young men and a beautiful woman over.
"Ye Xi, Tian Tian said you need to relax properly," she said, holding the hands of several girls and making them sit next to me.
I glanced at Dai Yanzhi; the guy had fallen asleep on the sofa. Looking around, I couldn't find Sister Chen or He Tiantian, so they might have gone to the bathroom.
A girl with long hair came closer to me, speaking Mandarin with a southern accent, soft like the Wu dialect. Her soft lips quickly pressed against my face, then moved from my cheek to my lips.
"Great pianist, you're truly a passionate and talented man," she said, her leg brushing against mine. The pale skin under her short skirt was faintly visible under the neon lights. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you enjoy yourself."
I've seen many women and men, but this direct approach to lust was a first for me. I had to admit, she was professional. This made me feel quite safe. One, because of my identity, she naturally wouldn't dare to overstep. Two, because of her identity, aside from money, she had no further demands. Three, other than the transaction, we had no other connection, which was very convenient. And I had one secret need— I had grown tired of equal love. In the end, it was just two people, evenly matched, calculating each other.
Considering these three points, three minutes later, I pulled her up to a room on the thirtieth floor of the hotel.
In the bathroom, the young girl was already completely naked. The body before me was full and elastic. The ends of her long hair curled up, clinging to her skin, with a layer of water film accumulated between her collarbones, glistening under the overhead light. Her small, round face had pouty lips, and her flowing eyes, with wet eyelashes that appeared even thicker, were fixed on me, trying to move me with a deliberately pitiful look. She seemed like a water nymph who had just emerged from a dark river. Clearly a nymph, yet she was lowering herself before me, adopting a posture of complete submission.
What in this world is beyond my reach? Except for the one who has already vanished from my life.
A fleeting thought of sorrow passed, and a smug smile crept back onto my face.
"Mr. Ye Xi, Sister Wan'er has already told me to take good care of you. Please enjoy yourself today," she said as she stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry her hair.
All I wanted was to grab her wrist and have her while still fully dressed. She was transparent, but I remained opaque to her. She had said many things earlier, but I didn't need to explain anything to her. Now, she stood in front of the mirror, speaking seductively, pretending to be in ecstasy, meticulously describing the sensations in every part of her body, praising my sexual prowess in an exaggerated, childlike voice. I knew she was trying to please me, and I enjoyed it. I could even hit her, leaving her skin red and white. Grabbing her hair, she would let out a pained moan. Holding her rounded parts, my handprints would linger there.
She was different from all the women I had been with before. Wang Zhen was a lady from a good family, and though she had some bedroom quirks, she never obeyed my commands. Other women, though of lower status, also had their own wills, and in bed, they would never let me do as I pleased. As for men, I had already experienced both the roles of dominating and being dominated.
"To do as one pleases is not the same as freedom. The joy of indulgence lies in finding primal sweetness within guilt, and then hopelessly repeating the act. And with her, there was an added pleasure of exercising power. She submitted to me." After it was over, I lay there looking at the cream-colored wallpaper on the ceiling, not wanting to say anything, my mind filled with wandering thoughts.
"The path to one's own heaven always passes through the hell of one's own desires." So that's what it meant.
I sat up and lit a cigarette.
"Mr. Ye Xi, I think I'm falling in love with you," she said, lying on my stomach, her lips smiling but her eyes without any curve, ready for the next move.
"No need to call me 'Mr.' Just call me Ye Xi," I said, my fingers running through her hair, stroking her like a cat.
"Okay, Ye Xi, your voice is really nice." She actually laughed.
"Oh?" It suddenly occurred to me that until just now, I hadn't said a word, so naturally, she wouldn't know what my voice sounded like, except for my murmurs. Looking closely at her appearance, she seemed to be just over twenty at most, but now, without makeup, she looked about eighteen. I started to feel a bit scared, suddenly remembering some of my titles. If it got out that I had slept with a minor, it could cause trouble. Her young face seemed so innocent. But no matter what, judging by her demeanor, she had been in this line of work for a long time and couldn't be completely naive.
"How old are you?" I put my hand down.
"Nineteen." She got up, the blanket slipping off her shoulders, revealing her bare self again. "You didn't even ask for my name, which makes me a bit sad."
I saw her turn her head to look out the window, unsure if her melancholy was genuine or just an act. Nineteen years old, I thought about asking to see her ID. But seeing that she remained silent for a long time, I had no choice but to ask her name first. She turned her profile to me, her gaze lingering at the corner of her eye. She was truly a beauty.
"Oh, sorry." I placed my fingers on her face, moving them slowly, my tone becoming gentler. "What's your name?"
"Lin Hui." She looked at me.
That night, we did it three more times. She certainly knew a lot of tricks.
By dawn, the alcohol had completely worn off. The person in the bed was gone, leaving a note on the table: "Brother Ye Xi, here's my number. Call me if you need me next time. I had to leave at 8 AM, and you were sleeping so soundly, I didn't wake you."
My head still ached. I reached out to the side table, fumbling for my Rolex. The hands on the dial pointed to ten o'clock.
Finally, I remembered to call Dai Yanzhi.
After the dial tone, he spoke first.
"Where did you go to play?" His tone was amused.
"Ah, I was at the hotel next to the KTV last night." I felt a bit embarrassed.
"Be careful, or I'll tell your parents." He suddenly turned stern.
"Ah, don't." I was annoyed. "Can you stop talking to me like we're still kids?"
"Can you stop doing things without discussing them with the people around you?" he retorted. "Just like when we were kids."
"How are you talking to me?" I suddenly turned cold.
"You have work tomorrow. Rest for a bit and then head back to the office." He didn't respond to my tone.
"Mm." I hung up the phone.
He sent a message: "If you're feeling down, take a break for a while."
I turned my phone face down and buried myself in the blanket.