Question # 21
Host, "Have you ever sent a text message to the wrong person?"
Jake, "No."
Stephan, "...You seriously haven't, even with two lifetimes under your belt? That's kind of impressive in its own way."
Jake, "I'm a cautious person by nature, and I've always correctly labeled every contact on my phone. But I did purposely text the wrong person once to get in Angela's way. Thanks to this little blunter, a priceless deal went down the drain a few months back, and she still has no idea why."
Stephan, "…What kind of text did you send?"
Jake, "Remember when I was supposed to become one of my mother's client's daughter's little pet? Well, something that was supposed to be sent to Masha was inadvertently sent to her instead. That daughter wasn't very happy with the idea of sharing her toy and asked her father to rip the deal with Matthew's company. By the way, it was Masha who redacted that text. I swear, that girl… She gleefully watched by the sideline as I send the said text during a stayover at the hotel."
Stephan, "Right, I tend to forget, but Masha is as spiteful as Misha, huh…"
Jake, "No need to tell me that, I know."
Stephan, "Putting that aside, how about inviting me once for one of your stayovers at the hotel? I would like to see Angela's face after learning the three of us spent a night together... I'm sure it'd be splendidly distorted! Anyway, we're disgressing. In my case, I often text the wrong person after drinking one too many because I kind of forget to look at the name of my contact and just think I'm texting the right person. When I'm drunk, I tend to tell my friends they're the best people on earth and such. On the bright side, they are not hateful texts, so everything's fine. People are usually just slightly annoyed to be bombarded with late-night texts, but who doesn't like free compliments?"
Jake, "You're a happy-go-lucky kind of drunkard, aren't you?"
Stephan, "Guilty as charged!"
Question # 22
Host, "Did someone ever send you a text message by error? What was it?"
Jake, "Yes, my son when he was in his teenage years. He forgot to switch the conversation back to his friend, and he sent me a text bashing his father, aka me, for not allowing him to bring girls home yet. It was a long rant, and in it, he was mocking his mother for allowing him to stay over at his friend's next weekend, saying over and over again that she was the most clueless fool on earth. He slipped in that he wanted to go back to a certain bar that didn't give two dimes about letting minors come in and how stupid his parents were for not realizing they were out getting drunk and hitting on girls."
Stephan, "Oh shit…"
Jake, "Let's just say my wife, when angered, was scarier than the grim gripper, and my son was grounded for a while. He became quite paranoid about sending text messages to the wrong person."
Stephan, "No kidding! Though, I'm pretty sure those who sent me the wrong text messages also turn paranoid."
Jake, "I may regret asking that, but do you mean by that…? You're talking as if it's something recurrent."
Stephan, "Well, they don't send me a text message by error per se because, you see, I have this good friend, a very pretty girl by the way, who often gives my number to creeps to get rid of them. She loves to go out, but you know how men can be sometimes, right?"
Jake, "Right…"
Stephan, "Long story short, traumatizing straight, machist men has become one of my favorite hobbies over the years."
Jake, "That actually may be one of your rare hobbies that I approve of. How about inviting me to pitch in next time you receive such texts?"
Stephan, "Wait, what?"
Jake, "Why so surprised? I was once a father of three beautiful girls, and I can tell you that creeps like that make my blood boil. Some men must learn what 'boundaries' and 'no' mean."
Stephan, "Right? Even I know when to stop! And gosh, I love the idea! Traumatizing assholes would make for a great couples' activity!"
Jake, "…Sure, whatever makes you happy."
Question # 23
Host, "Did someone ever dare you to do something dangerous, and you ended up doing it?"
Jake, "I'd love to say no, but the answer is yes. The persona I play to please my mother is easily provoked, so I can't back down when people challenge me unless I have a good reason. Once, Angela introduced me to people she wanted me to befriend, and let's just say they weren't a very respectable bunch. One night, we were at a bar, and they dared me to take an alcoholic drink obviously sprinkled with drugs. I don't remember the rest of the night."
Stephan, "Sometimes, I wonder if Angela isn't outright trying to kill you. The more I learn, the more I want to make her life a living hell."
Jake, "Well, we can agree that she never valued my life very much. Tools are meant to be discarded after serving their purpose, after all."
Stephan, "I swear, that wrench… Anyway, back to the subject at hand. My answer is pretty much the same as yours. I did the same thing as you, although in my case, it was because I was a reckless, stupid teenager who thought his friends would never sprinkle his drink with harmful substances. Learned my lesson the hard way."
Jake, "The more I learn, the more I wonder how the heck you are still alive."
Stephan, "Don't worry. I wonder about that, too, sometimes."
Jake, "…"
Question # 24
Host, "Any crazy adventures you want to try in your life?"
Stephan, "Courting Jake!"
Jake, "…How the heck is that a crazy adventure?"
Stephan, "Considering your family background, your current situation, and the fact that you have memories of your past lives, I'd say courting you is gonna be the biggest adventure of my life! It's like the classic, over-the-top story with the good spouse and the evil family."
Jake, "The sad thing is that I can't even rebuke you. You really do have to be crazy to court me, considering the baggage that comes with me."
Stephan, "Who doesn't know that I've got a few loose screws? Thank God, your progenitors can't even be suspicious of me 'cause of my usual behavior!"
Jake, "How many times do I have to tell you that you're not supposed to be proud of that…?"
Host, coughs, "And what about you, Jake?"
Jake, "I never really thought about it. There's so much going on in my life that it already feels like I'm going through a crazy adventure. I don't feel like adding another one in the lot anytime soon."
Host, "Fair enough."
Question # 25
Host, "Do you sing in the shower?"
Stephan, "When I feel like it."
Jake, "Sometimes."
Stephan, "Oh? That's surprising. I can't actually imagine you singing in the shower… It seems to be too mundane?"
Jake, "You're aware I'm a human, right? Even I do things an everyday guy does."
Question # 26
Host, "If you were left alone with a tiger in a room, what would you do?"
Stephan, "Pet it, of course!"
Jake, "Do that, and you can say goodbye to your hand."
Stephan, "I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get devoured whole, anyway, so I might as well take the opportunity to pet and hug the big cat before dying. That way, I can at least brag about it in the afterlife."
Jake, "Well, I guess that's better than nothing. But how about verifying if the door is locked first?"
Stephan, "I still wanna brag about petting a tiger in the afterlife."
Jake, "Sometimes, I wonder what's wrong with your brain."
Stephan, "Wouldn't it be easier to ask what's not wrong with my brain?"
Jake, "At least you're aware, I guess."
Question # 27
Host, "Was there a time when you hurt yourself badly but still didn't go to the hospital?"
Jake, "Yes, plenty of times, thanks to my little brother in my past lives. Angela would take his side whenever I got hurt, and it was hell dealing with her shoutings, so I sucked it up and avoided going to the hospital unless absolutely necessary. I probably cracked my ribs after falling down the stairs once, but I never went to the hospital to get it checked. In any case, it's not like there was something they could have done except put me on bed rest, which Angela would have scoffed at. I didn't want my workload to increase because of her pettiness, so I gritted my teeth and went on with my daily life."
Stephan, "This is so messed up…"
Jake, "Well, Angela is a delusional, messed-up person."
Stephan, "Still…"
Jake, "Enough about me. What about you?"
Stephan, "Alright, alright. Strangely enough, the answer is no. I never really hurt myself badly, to start with. At most, I broke a finger, but I still went to the hospital."
Jake, "I swear, you're responsible for the weirdest things."
Question # 28
Host, "What is the stupidest way you almost died?"
Stephan, "Except after eating rotten vegetables, I've never been close to death door afterward, so… I'll go with that."
Jake, "I'm still flabbergasted by how stupid that was, just to let you know."
Stephan, "Teenagers do stupid things. That's their job!"
Jake, "Yeah, sure. In my case, I almost died in various ways, but rarely in stupid ways."
Stephan, "You know, I don't think I ever told you, but I'm in awe at your resilience. It's crazy how you haven't lost your mind with everything you went through."
Jake, "My wife and kids helped heal my wounded mind in my past lives, and I've got a lot of people on my side in this life. I was lucky to meet the right people after going through hell, that's all."
Stephan, "Oh? Do I count in the 'right people' you met?
Jake, "Your guess."
Question # 29
Host, "What is the worst thing that a person can put on their bio on a dating app?"
Stephan, "I've got all the STDs imaginable and much more; wanna date?"
Jake, "How honest of you."
Stephan, "Darling, just how depraved do you think I am…? My sex life isn't that bad, you know?"
Jake, "Says the guy who jumps into orgies after drinking one too many. Who are you trying to fool?"
Stephan, "Alright, my sex life may be a bit more eventful than average, but even dead drunk, I wouldn't go around sleeping with others without protection. It's like my number one rule – and pretty much the only one – to wear a condom or to have my partners wear a condom. I also regularly test myself to be sure I'm not carrying any STDs with me, just on the off-chance I somehow got infected. I'm a responsible adult, y'know?"
Jake, "That's… kind of strange, coming from you."
Stephan, "Come on, have a bit of faith!"
Host, "Ahem. And what about you, Jake?"
Jake, "My parents are serial killers, and I may or may not have inherited their sadistic tendencies. I mean, I haven't yet killed a human, although I can't say the same for squirrels."
Stephan, "Why squirrels? What did they do to you?"
Jake, "Nothing, but they're like the plague and love to dash across the roads. I've already run over a few by accident, so I'm not exactly lying in that bio."
Stephan, "Oh, I see. Wait. What about the sadistic tendencies? Is that also true? …What's with that smile?"
Jake, "What smile?"
Stephan, "…"
Question # 30
Host, "You are now banned from the local library. What would be the reason for it?"
Stephan, "Public indecency."
Jake, "No surprise here."
Stephan, "You?"
Jake, "I have a feeling I'd be the collateral damage from your public indecency. Otherwise, there's no way I'd be banned from the library. It definitely would be your fault."
Stephan, "Right. I'd really like to drag you behind a shelf and have some fun. I'm sure you'd be sexy as hell stifling your moans and–"
Jake, "Alright, that's enough. Your fantasies know no bounds, huh."
Stephan, "When it comes to you? Of course not! Especially since I've been restraining myself for months while sleeping in the same bed as my crush, and you know I have a strong libido. So, you bet my wet dreams are unhinged!"
Jake, "…Fair enough."
Question # 31
Host, "What is the worst Christmas gift you could give each other?"
Jake, "A chastity belt."
Stephan, "I already can't sleep with you, so it wouldn't change much to my current situation whether I wear a chastity belt or not."
Jake, "Oh, here's the catch: the restriction on sexy stuff with me would be lifted, but I'm going to keep the key and not undo the chastity belt."
Stephan, "You're evil! Although… That could also be an interesting play in itself."
Jake, "You're incorrigible."
Stephan, "Of course! And as for me, I'm booking you a one-month-long vacation plan in the south."
Jake, "How is that a bad gift?"
Stephan, "No laptop, reports, or anything related to work is allowed to follow us on the trip. And just to be sure, I'm banning your cell phone, too."
Jake, "…Shit."
.
.
Host, "Done! Now, I can go back into hiding until the next time!"